As the world spins in its seemingly neverending... um spinningness... it has fallen on me, the world's biggest and smuggest know-it-all to dispense some of my infinitely vast wisdom to those who don't know any better.That's right folks, I'm starting my own religion! It shall be called the Grand & Glorious Temple of Zen Nudism and it shall be a beacon of light and knowledge to the world.
How do I join your wonderful organisation and achieve salvation, enlightenment, and bliss?
That's simple. Just send me money. Lots of it, preferably in small, non-sequential bills. I accept American dollars, Euros, Japanese Yen, and British pounds.
Are there any rules I have to follow once I join your wonderful religion?
Just keep sending me money, and lots of it.
If those answers don't assuage your faithless doubts, then look at these testimonials:
SEAN PENN: Before I found Zen Nudism I was really screwed up. I mean, I was married to Madonna for fuck's sake. Now I'm as happy as a pig in his own shit, and I can't wait to give more money to Furious D.
SHANE McGOWAN: Furious D made me the handsome fellow I am today.
DICK CHENEY: I'd like to take Furious D hunting.
MICHAEL BAY: Furious D has made me want to give up making films and dedicate my life to giving him money.
Feel free to ask me any questions about this new religion.
You're free to ask.