Hollywood Babble On & On #87: Beware the List! The List!

The Writer's Guild of America has released a list of people who went "fi-core" during the Writer's Strike. Fi-core writers basically acted outside the union's collective bargaining system to get their own contracts with the studios. To some they were just people struggling to survive in a dog eat dog business, and to others they were traitors to the cause of writers everywhere.

Now I'm not going to judge the folks on either side about why they did what they did, I'm sure they have their reasons, whether it was right or wrong is for history to decide. The decision I'm questioning here is about the publishing of the list of names.

It has a Joe McCarthy odour to it, and we all know how popular that was in Hollywood.

I know there's a lot of bad blood between the folks who took a financial and emotional beating during the strike, and the folks who tried to get out of it, but once the war is over it's time to bury your dead, not to start shooting again.

A good model to try is what South Africa after the fall of the Apartheid regime. The bad blood between blacks and whites in that country in the aftermath of decades of racist divisions and oppression makes the feeling between the unionists and fi-core look positively trivial. Now the old way dictated brutal and bloody revenge of those who had been wronged wreaked upon the wrongdoers. But that would have served no purpose at all except to transform a peaceful transition from oppression to real democracy into a civil war.

So they set up the Truth and Reconciliation Committee. There those who did wrong on both sides met with their victims, and they talked about what they did and how it affected the lives of those involved.

Guess what happened?

Civil war was averted, and South Africa is now one of the most functional democracies in Africa. They got a long way to go still, but they made a great first step.

That's what the Writer's Guild should do.

Have a meeting between fi-core and unionists, and hash out their differences. Both sides need to explain the reasons for their actions, no shouting down, no name calling, civility would be strictly enforced by a neutral third party until both sides understand each other and what they did during the strike.

If people can find common ground after blood, real human blood, has been shed, then I think a Hollywood's writers can set aside their relatively petty differences and do the same. It's not like anyone got killed during the strike, it shouldn't be that nasty.

Besides, you can order out for Chinese food. Nothing says reconciliation than a platter of dim sum.

___________________________

PS- Looks like my latest edition of the Translation Game was a little too tough. So I'm planting a hint to make it a little easier, I'm going to tell you what those films have in common.

Gotta question about pop culture and the business behind it: LEAVE IT HERE BEFORE THURSDAY @ MIDNIGHT and I'll either answer it, or fake it.

Hollywood Babble On & On... #47: Let's Make a Deal?

It looks like there's a potential, tentative, possible deal in the making to end the WGA strike. You can read an incomplete summary of the potential, possible, tentative deal HERE.

I've taken a look over the summary, and it seems reasonable to me for all involved. Which can only mean one thing: The AMPTP will somehow screw it up as soon as the Oscars get a green-light.

What concerns me is that the summary has no mention of a formula for DVD residuals. So if anyone has any info on that part of the deal, drop a line in the comments.

Anyway, I hope the serious contract-analyzing brains find a good deal in this, that the AMPTP doesn't screw it up, that the strike ends, and Hollywood reforms how it does business.

But I'm a cock-eyed optimist.

Hollywood Babble On & On... #46: Whedon the Studio Slayer

Writer-Director Joss Whedon has posted a must-read missive at United Hollywood about the strike and the "deal is done" talk in the media.

Click it.

Read it

Learn it.

We will discuss it later.

______________________

UPDATE: Time for discussion!

whiskey_199 said...

Whedon is right but misses the point.

The old model is dead. Writers will lose. Because of:

1. Lack of unity -- showrunners like Whedon can strike for a long time, and get potentially a big payoff. Working writers can't and will have to go back to work, they won't get the big payoff either.

2. Strike is affordable. Niche content generates Niche revenues and reality is both broader in appeal and makes therefore more money. Writers pursuing niche content have weakened their position.

3. Internet allows the Studios to break the strike by using Canadian, British, Australian, and NZ writers cheaply. The way Honda and Toyota and GM are using cheap Vietnamese engineers instead of costly Japanese and American engineers. Doctors, lawyers, accountants and other knowledge workers have been hurt by the internet allowing outsourcing and so too will the writers.

The only solution IMHO is a complete break culturally. Offer up original content, done fast, cheap, and good, through ITunes or even a WGA constructed website. Charge $2-3 a download. Make it good. And compete directly with the Studios.

Do what Rob Long has suggested. I don't think however that writers culturally can make this adjustment and so they will lose.

Okay. Let's see what Whiskey_199 is talking about and look at his arguments.

1. Lack of unity -- showrunners like Whedon can strike for a long time, and get potentially a big payoff. Working writers can't and will have to go back to work, they won't get the big payoff either.

Well, I'm not sure if Whedon's supposed immense wealth somehow makes him more militant, he doesn't have a show on the air. He's probably getting some residuals from reruns, but apparently none for downloads and DVDs, hence the strike.

Now there is some unity troubles. Some of the big-money makers (show-runners included) are rumoured to go "fi-core" and sell out to a deal for more up front money, but that hasn't happened yet.

2. Strike is affordable. Niche content generates Niche revenues and reality is both broader in appeal and makes therefore more money. Writers pursuing niche content have weakened their position.

True, the corporations that own the studios do have deep pockets, but the bulk of the TV season has been lost. There goes ad revenues, syndication and DVD sales for those episodes, and all whole truckload of other ancillary revenues. Millions, if not billions, pissed away over what is mostly ego.

I don't think niche content is a particular problem for the studios. No one forces them to make unpopular movies, in fact I'm sure every project green-lit for anything other than political reasons, is made with the intent to be popular and profitable.

Since the issues here are profit-sharing, niche projects that don't sell, don't have profits, so those writers will starve whether or not there's a deal.

3. Internet allows the Studios to break the strike by using Canadian, British, Australian, and NZ writers cheaply.

Despite the rumours of American networks purchasing Canadian and British shows for prime-time, I have yet to see a deal signed and a foreign show on the air.

Why?

Because the unions in those countries either already have deals similar to what the WGA wants, or they are looking for that deal.

Plus there's another little hole in your argument. There's a reason Hollywood is the dominant player in the world movie and TV biz because they're pretty damn good at telling stories that sell around the world.

The creative community in Hollywood doesn't outsource, it absorbs.

Canadian, British, and Australian writers migrate to Hollywood in flocks every year to participate in the "big time." So why would they give up that dream just to be cheated like the American writers out of a share of the profits earned by their creations.

Engineering and writing are two very different things.

Engineering, while requiring creativity, is based on concrete scientific principles that are universally accepted.

Writing is an emotional, instinctive art-form, that really can't be taught to anyone without the talent and drive to create. Stories are not cars. Each are unique, and with a life of their own, and require the skills of a small group of talented people to create them.

Now you were right when you said that the "old model is dead."

The way Hollywood does business has to change drastically from being an adversarial system, pitting the creative and financial against each other, to a more symbiotic system, where they work together.

You can't run a business on the foundation of cheating the very people whose creations make your business possible. It's just not tenable.

Will your iMovies type thing work? Who knows, I'm not an economist.

Any other ideas?

______________________

UPDATE #2: Another shot of Whiskey_199

Whiskey_199 came back and reiterated his points about writers being replaceable by cheaper foreign labour, but I'm afraid we're going to have to agree to disagree on this matter.

The only way the AMPTP could get any writers that wouldn't eventually want the deal that the WGA are looking for, anywhere in the world, is if they enslaved a bunch of Chinese political prisoners and had them start pumping out scripts like they do overpriced sneakers, and all the studio would have to is translate them into English.

Of course, then the translators would want a better deal.

And any of the prisoner-slave writers who showed any real talent would then be shot by his guards for being too clever.

So you'd have to keep replacing them.

And the audiences would start wondering why every movie coming from the studios is about how crappy life is in a prison labour camp.


I just think the studios would find it a hell of a lot more convenient, and profitable, if they didn't waste time, money, and effort trying to screw everyone, and just stuck to doing business.

Hollywood Babble On & On... #34: Trust Me... really... I mean it sincerely...

It looks like the WGA and the AMPTP are heading back to the table and it looks like the WGA has dropped it's demands to unionize reality tv writers and the already unionized animation writers.

I've always thought those two items were 'giveaways.' Giveaways are my term for items in a negotiation that someone really doesn't want, but could want, that can be dispensed with during the negotiations as a face-saving measure for both.

Now did the WGA push for their giveaways too hard in the beginning, causing the AMPTP's infamous walk-out, or were the AMPTP just being dicks?

I don't know for sure, you can't be more of a Hollywood outsider than me, but I do have my theories.

There are those in the WGA leadership who may have pushed to hard one way, and the industry pushed too hard the other way, and there's a reason for that. The reason being the serious lack of a very important commodity.

That commodity is trust.

Trust doesn't have to come from the belief in the sincerity, honesty and integrity of the other. Hell two royal bastards can trust each other simply when they know that working together is a mutually beneficial situation.

The royal bastards trust each other because they know the other is not stupid enough to ruin a mutually profitable situation.

The problem with Hollywood is that it's so obsessed with it's own form of Hollywood Darwinism that Hollywood people will eagerly shoot themselves in the foot if means putting the screws to someone else.

The history of the industry, especially in the corporate-mogul era, is chock full of such cases. Executives alienate profitable filmmakers and stars in petty territorial pissing contests, and vice versa.

And this Darwinism isn't survival of the fittest, but the survival of the most treacherous. Executives with disastrous records running businesses get promoted, literally 'failing up' to top posts simply because they 'marked their territory' with internal political games.

The same can be said for the artists, who get hailed as being 'rebellious artistes' for simply having a lack of diplomacy, tact, and basic negotiation skills.

So the common sense that would maintain a mutually beneficial relationship get pounded into the nether-regions of stupid, because it's no longer about business, but about ego.

Business and art be damned, Hollywood is all about image, and everyone wants to look like the top dog, whether they've got the bite or not.

So you end up in a situation where negotiations that should have been simple, become needlessly complicated because both sides know the other is egocentric enough to do something really stupid if only for the brief, often illusory appearance of having the leg-up on the other one.

This is how it boils down.

1. Ego destroys common sense.

2. The loss of common sense destroys the capacity for trust.

3. The lack of trust and common sense leads to unreasonable, even irrational behaviour on both sides. Reasonable negotiation becomes impossible.

4. What should be symbiosis becomes adversarial and you get a strike that should have never happened and an entire industry hurting because of it.

Another way to put is this little Hollywood parable.

A frog meets a scorpion in the bushes by the banks of a wide river. They both need to cross a river to get to Hollywood, but the scorpion can't swim, and the frog knows that there's a bird waiting to eat him as soon as he's out of his hiding place in the bushes.

After a brief discussion of their situation the scorpion asks to ride across the river on the frog's back.

The frog initially says: "No way dude, you're a scorpion, you'll sting me and I'll die."

The scorpion replies: "If I sting you, I'll drown, and what good will that do for any of us, besides: my being on your back will scare away that bird that wants to eat you. It's a mutually beneficial arrangement."

The frog thinks about it for a moment, and then agrees.

All goes swimmingly until they reach the middle of the river and POW!

The scorpion stings the frog.

The frog feels himself dying and with his last breath says: "Why did you sting me, now we're both going to die."

"Yeah," said the scorpion, "but I looked really cool stinging you."

Then they both died.

At least, that's my theory. What's yours?

Hollywood Babble On & On... #27: Author/Auteur

The Director's Guild of America has beaten the odds and inked a tentative deal with the AMPTP. Read all about it here, here, or here (h/t-Libertas)

I was predicting that the AMPTP would repeat the same bad-faith stunts they pulled during the negotiations with the WGA and storm away.

I was wrong.

But I can admit a mistake, especially when it proves my larger point.

Now some are saying that this is part of some Machiavellian ploy by the AMPTP to split the WGA rank and file and force them into accepting a bad deal.

I don't think they're that clever.

So allow me to explain.

I've said in the past that Hollywood is essentially High School with money and in this High School the Moguls are the hyper-active keeners who ran Student Council, the Directors are the Jocks, the Actors are the cheerleaders and the Writers are the nerds who do everybody else's homework in order to avoid daily wedgies, noogies, and the dread Rear Admiral.

Do you see where I'm going here?

Directing a film is a glamorous job. It's the only job where being an anal retentive, abusive jerk can get you praised as a genius, an artist, an auteur.

Like I said, the moguls are the student council kids, with pretencions to braininess, and a certain amount of political, if not business savvy. They'd love to have the acceptance of the film world's equivalent of jocks (Directors) and of the Cheerleaders (Actors) because it makes them feel like they're part of the creative process.

Directors and actors have to be collaborative in nature. You cannot direct a film, or act in a film completely alone. They have to do their jobs in front of others, and in the case of directors, they have to command those people in order to get the film made.

That creates an element of glamour that people remember.

We all know Alfred Hitchcock directed Psycho, but who wrote the screenplay? Those who know their film history know it was Joseph Stefano, but Hitchcock is the household word.

So why are writers the nerds of Hollywood High?

Writers mostly work alone (sometimes in pairs) in dank little rooms, lit only by their computer screens and their collection of glow in the dark Star Wars memorabilia.

Sure their work is necessary, but it sure isn't glamorous and it isn't going to get much glory from the press, or respect from the moguls.

So writers become the nerds. Necessary, but not wanted.

I guess the question is, will the writer's use the DGA deal to get the AMPTP back to the table.

Logic would dictate a speedy settlement, with the Oscars on countdown to destruction, and at least one, and possibly two TV seasons being completely scotched.

But the moguls haven't exactly acted logically in the past.

Especially when you're blinded by glamour.

Hollywood Babble On & On... #23: Anger Management / Management Anger

A friend of mine told me that in political blogging there's an unspoken rule.

It goes something like this: "In an argument the first person to say that the other is 'worse than Hitler' is automatically wrong."

Basically, it means that the first person who loses their temper and starts name-calling and bullying has lost the argument.

Now take a look at this Deadline Hollywood Post about what the moguls are doing as 'revenge' against the WGA, SAG, and anyone else who dares stand up to them.

Okay, have you read it?

Good.

Now what does that tell you about the AMPTP's position?

Don't know?

Well, the AMPTP is basically screaming that the WGA is 'worse than Hitler' at the top of their lungs.

Now why would they do that?

Well, expressing rage is an attempt to establish dominance over a situation that they have lost control of. Despite the virtual blackout in the American mainstream media (all owned by studio parent companies), the silence of most of the A-List celebrities, and the relative poverty of the WGA in compared to their corporate foes, the Writers still have public sympathy.

Which is a given. Who will the public side with, hard working creative people looking for a fair shake, or a bunch of guys in suits who live lavish lifestyles, collect huge salaries, and openly try to screw everyone they do business with.

The moguls believe that since they control the networks, newspapers, and the movie studios they should be able to control the debate. And in the past they did, but the rise of the internet, ironically a source of immense revenue for the studios, has broken that monopoly.

So, they stomp around like a schoolyard bully, trying to force acquiescence through fear. They cancel contracts, cut off actors from their precious hair and make-up, spread nasty rumours, and occasional outright lies about the WGA and its leadership. There have even been physical altercations between writers on the picket lines and angry executives.

Livelihoods (& multi-million dollar bonuses) are threatened, tempers are frayed, but there is a question the AMPTP must ask themselves.

WWMD?

What Would Macchiavelli Do?

Click here if you don't know who Niccolo Macchiavelli is.

Now Macchiavelli was a shrewd dude, who specialized in studying the mechanics of power. Now many take a narrow view of his work, claiming that it espouses that the 'ends justifies the means.'

That's incorrect.

Macchiavelli promotes the careful and balanced use of good and evil to maintain and extend the power of the 'New Prince.' And to do that the Prince must have great self-control.

Macchiavelli's model Prince must dispense punishment and rewards in carefully measured amounts, and the Prince must not have a public hissy fit.

To put it in words movie-folks may understand:

You must be more like Michael Corleone, than Sonny Corleone.

Michael was always in control of himself, especially when he was scared or under pressure. Sure, he could be an emotionally distant cold fish, but that was the price he paid for power.

Sonny, didn't seem to control anything, from his libido to his temper. And we all know where that took him.

Right now the AMPTP is Sonny at the tollbooth, and there's no Tom Hagen to calm them down.

Anger is just an illusion of power meant to cover up the lack of an intellectually honest argument.

When you act out of anger, you are telling the whole world that you lack self control, and are lashing out because you are wrong and that you are weak.

The moguls know that it's only a matter of time before their shareholders start asking as to why there are no new movies and TV shows being made, and why the moguls are giving themselves massive pay hikes and bonuses while their companies are sinking.

They have to create distractions.

So they lash out in relatively childish ways.

And some of their tactics have been downright silly.

Especially their claims that the WGA has a secret $30 million public relations fund.

Because we all know there has been such a WGA ad-blitz on TV and magazines.

If I was a psychologist I would say that they were projecting. The AMPTP has hired some of the biggest PR firms in the history of civilization and they don't seem capable of securing the rights to their own web addresses, let alone improve the mogul's image as greedy, grasping, examples of the Peter Principle.

They can't buy the goodwill that the WGA is getting for free, so they create a fantasy that the WGA is secretly buying it like they do.

They can't see that they have cast themselves as the villain, and it's killing them.

It's also killing the movie business, and that's the real tragedy.

Hollywood Babble On & On... #22: Hanks a Lot.

A big perpetual hat tip to Nikki Finke's Deadline Hollywood Daily* for this little tidbit about Tom Hanks being the first A-Lister to stand up and say that the cause of the strike was the lack of 'honest bargaining' on the side of the AMPTP.

And never being one to let anyone else hog the glory actor George Clooney has offered to participate in a 'mediation panel' to solve the strike.

Now since George is a member of the WGA, there's no way the AMPTP will agree to it, but that's okay for Clooney. I don't think he has any real intention of mediating anything for anyone. In fact, I'm pretty sure that he's as content with the status quo as most of the A-Listers and doesn't want to rock the boat, but doesn't want to alienate the WGA.

Now you're probably wondering why the A-Listers outside of Tom Hanks are unwilling to help fix an obviously broken system.

You see Hollywood has a dirty little secret, and it does not involve bondage, drugs, or an underage pre-op transsexual 'houseboy' named Lola.

The secret is that the A-List contracts, with bloated up-front salaries and percentages of the gross ticket sales are the main reason most films fail to make a profit.

And to top it all off, most actors on the A-List couldn't sell tickets to a movie showing in a bunker during a nuclear holocaust.

"Oh my god!" said John and Jane as they banged on the heavy steel door of the fallout shelter. "The missiles are coming! Let us in the bunker!"

"Okay," replied the Bunker Commander, "but to get in where it's safe you have to buy tickets to a movie starring Nicole Kidman and George Clooney."

"We'll stay outside."

Okay, I exaggerate a little, but my argument is not that far off.

Most A-Listers may say they support the writers, but in reality don't because any equitable revenue sharing would require a second look at how much 'stars' are costing and if they really are worth the money.

Now with TV stars it's different. Even the top TV stars know that without writers, who not only write the scripts, but also produce the shows, they're nothing. So they are way more active on the side of the WGA than the 'big screen' A-Listers.

Now Hanks is different. His statement was shockingly blunt by Hollywood standards, but I assume he's stashed away enough 'screw-you' money to accept a more rational order of things.

But will the other A-Listers, and more importantly the moguls accept it?

That is the question.

* Home of the best coverage of the business end of Showbiz on the Internet.

Hollywood Babble On & On... #21: The Show Must Won't Go On

Don't panic. But the Golden Globe Awards have been cancelled. Are you all right? Do you need to see a doctor about the dizziness and palpitations brought on by this shocking news? Okay.

Apparently no actors were willing to cross the WGA picket line.

No actors, no 'stars' to interest the networks or the bottomless tabloid chum bucket and their legion of 'style-experts' to judge how the actresses are dressed, and thus, no reason to even have an awards show at all.

Which is probably the best thing to happen to the Golden Globes in a long time.

Allow me to explain.

The Golden Globes are awards given out by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association to what they consider achievements in excellence in film and television.

Now the HFPA is a notoriously small, secretive, and inbred organisation with questionable credentials, business practises, and taste.

In other words, the HFPA and the studio moguls are like two peas in a pod.

When it first started the Golden Globes were never taken seriously. In fact it was treated more like a roast that an awards show. The stars would get together in a hotel ballroom, get drunk, make bad (often ribald) jokes about each other and themselves and then wake up the next morning hung over and wondering where the chimp came from.

Then some folks in the media saw that on some occasions the folks that won Golden Globes sometimes won the more seriously taken Oscars.

So pundits started using the Globes as some sort of predictor for Oscar glory. Then they started covering the red carpet, and then NBC offered the HFPA a king's ransom to give them an early jump on awards season.

That pretty much killed it as a fun evening for Hollywood folks to laugh and have fun without fear of public embarrassment and they had to start taking it seriously.

And the folks at NBC are upset that the Golden Globes have been cancelled, and that this will probably happen again with the Academy Awards, which will annoy ABC.

But it's not because of any loss of glory.

Like everything in Hollywood it's all about money.

Sure the award shows haven't exactly been the ratings juggernauts they once were, and the participants consider the awards nice to win--but the shows a pain in the ass to attend, they've evolved to serve a higher purpose.

Each awards show gave their tabloid outlets (print, video, internet) several week's worth of cheap fodder. Everything from predicting nominations, to predicting wins, to predicting and then judging how the celebrities dressed, what coloured ribbons denoted which causes the celebrities were endorsing, and who embarrassed themselves and who showed the rare moment of class.

But it has more to do with filler.

It's also a prime time for the studios to wow investors with a little taste of tightly controlled Hollywood glamour. Fame is a drug that can cloud even the sharpest minds, so you can see how shaking Angelina Jolie's hand at the Oscar-after-party might addle the normally astute and pragmatic brain of a tax-shelter manager from Frankfurt who is there as a guest of his brand new bestest buddies from the studio.

To break it down:

The corporations want the awards shows to go on despite the labour troubles because it gives them cheap material to fill TV shows and grocery store magazine racks.

Plus it gives them something to show off to investors.

It doesn't really matter if the shows drag on, giving more and more awards to films seen by fewer and fewer people. What really matters is getting Katherine Heigl in a glamour gown on the cover of People Magazine, in a feature in Entertainment Tonight, and smiling while posing for a pic with a middle aged hedge fund manager from Tokyo and his wife.

So here is my 3 point plan to shock Hollywood into straightening up its act, re-structuring its flawed business plan, and solving all labour disputes, both current and forthcoming:

1. Stop buying DVDs. You can live without them, the studios can't.

2. Stop watching all awards shows and award related coverage for the entire year. In fact, back the unions with messages of support to get them shut down entirely.

3. Appoint me, Furious D, to replace Robert Shaye as CEO of New Line Cinema. As the voice of reason in an unreasonable world I can be the laxative that will flush Hollywood's system and get it running smoothly again.

Hollywood Babble On & On... #17: Twas The Strike Before Xmas

'Twas the strike before Christmas, when all through Hollywood
Not a creature was writing, and that is not good;
Studio executives hung in their dungeons with care,
In hopes that their Dominatrix soon would be there;

The big stars were nestled in each other's large beds,
While visions of Oscars danced in their heads;
TV was all reruns or reality show crap,
And the audience gave up for a long winter's nap,

When out on the street I heard a terrible clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Pulling up my pajamas to cover my ass.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a stretch limousine ran over my plastic reindeer,
With a big passenger, both well-dressed and slick,
I knew in a moment it must be Counter-comma-Nick.

More rapid than eagles the other moguls they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Lynton! Now, Meyer! Now, Brad Grey and Chernin!
On, Zucker! On Sloan! On, Iger and Moonves!
To the top of the heap! To the top of them all!
Throw cash away! Cash away! Cash away all!"

As critics from a junket preview do fly,
To escape a bad movie just mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the moguls they flew,
With the limo of bad contracts, and Counter, Nicholas too.

And then, in a scurrying, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each executive hoof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Counter, Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in gold, from his head to his shoes,
And his paycheck was massive despite bad box-office news;
A net full of profits he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a burglar just opening his pack.
His eyes -- how they twinkled! His botoxed dimples how merry!
His suit was hand tailored, his contract demands scary!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
But Variety says he's as white as the snow;
Peter Bart's leash he held tight in his teeth,
And it encircled Bart's neck just like a wreath;

He had a shrewd face and a personal trainer toned belly,
Hollywood shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly.
He was hard and was tough, and not jolly old elf,
But I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon told me that I had everything to dread;
He spoke not a word, even though that was his work,
And left negotiations; and writers called him a jerk,

And giving writers the finger & thumbing his nose,
And refused to pay them for online downloads;
He sprang to his limo, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew treating writers like gristle.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-strike!"

Hollywood Babble On & On... #16: Sympathy for the Devil's Advocate

Hat tip to Nikki Finke who posted this story about how the Alliance of Motion Picture & TV Producers (AMPTP) declined participating in hearings held by the Los Angeles City Council about the economic impact of the Writer's Strike on the LA economy.

Instead the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) their chief lobbying body submitted a statement into the record, but refused to testify or answer any questions.

Now before Variety's Peter Bart accuses me of having "drunk the Kool-Aid" and becoming a shill for the sinister "organizers" of the WGA, (as if he would read this blog) I will say that the AMPTP could argue, that since the MPAA was best equipped to handle the hearing because it represents the same people and is designed for and experienced in dealing with municipal, state and federal governments.

But, and it's a big but...

The MPAA didn't handle the hearing. It merely had a rep submit a statement into the record.

Hearings are about testimony. Testimony is about people presenting their case before the governing body, God, and the American public.

Submitting a dry statement conceived by public relations firms that lack the sense to put a lock on the .com address for their website is not testimony, and it is not going to win any friends or influence people.

At least not anyone who doesn't live in Beverly Hills or Malibu.

It amazes that the people who run an industry based upon image can't see the image that they're creating for themselves.

The only way they could have handled that meeting any worse was if AMPTP honcho Nick Counter showed up dressed like Snidely Whiplash and declaring, whilst twirling his waxed mustaches, that once they crushed the writers they were going to get the widows and orphans next.

They could have let the MPAA handle the hearing, but like I said, they didn't try to handle it.

And that's a sign of incredible weakness and contempt, the chief poison in the apple of Hollywood.

Weakness because the moguls and their spin doctors lacked the imagination and will to handle it. Public hearings are all about making a case, and if you don't have a case other than your own contempt and greed, you need more spin than a top balanced on a centrifuge.

But the AMPTP/MPAA didn't even try to spin their way through the hearings.

It can't be because they are concerned about what people think of them. The majority of Americans think they're jerks. Spinning like one wouldn't have dug that hole any deeper. In fact, there's a slim chance it might even help, but that requires imagination, intelligence, hard work, and most of all, a sense of respect for your opposition and the general public.

But they don't have that. Instead they have contempt.

What else other than contempt would compel the moguls, people in the business of telling and selling stories, to believe that they don't need stories as long as they have equity investment from Dubai and European Union tax shelters to keep them afloat.

What they don't seem to realize is that those investments and shelters are worthless without stories to tell and sell, that this strike, which could spread to include actors and directors, could cripple, if not destroy, the industry, and that in this destruction they are casting themselves as the villain.

And pretty lousy villains as it is.

One of the fundamental truths about good storytelling is that the villain, no matter how evil their deeds, must believe that what he/she does is right, even if it's only for the fulfillment of their own wants and desires.

The AMPTP is acting like the villain, but not a modern sophisticated well rounded villain, with depth, intelligence, and the ability to at least make a case for their villainy, but a old fashioned cartoon villain who does villainous things just because they think it's what they should do with no logical rationale behind it.

It's also a tactical error. No tactician would suggest not trying to make a case for being right, no matter how wretched, without some sort of grievous head injury. Even if your arguments are all wrong and based on a foundation of lies and greed, at least you tried, and that might actually convince some people. (It happens in politics all the time)

And it's not an impossible rhetorical exercise. In fact, it's a centuries old tradition.

In the old days, when the Vatican was deciding on the canonization of a saint, no matter how holy and pure the person in question was, there was a man appointed to be The Devil's Advocate. It was his job to argue against sainthood, and to compose believable and intelligent arguments for that argument, even if the person personally didn't believe any of it.

And even though they may have disagreed with the presentation they were making, they were intellectually honest enough to admit that the argument was necessary, if not to themselves, but to the search for truth.

Now the AMPTP/MPAA have apparently given up on playing their own Devil's Advocate and the only explanation for not even trying is that they hold anyone who is not a fellow mogul in too much contempt to even lie to their faces about the issues at hand.

People can understand being greedy, and they can understand spinning, and even lying, but they don't like being looked on as unworthy of being included in the discussion.

Of course if Hollywood's moguls weren't crippled with contempt their industry would be in a lot better financial shape than it is now.

That's why I'm continuing my ongoing campaign to replace Robert Shaye as head of New Line Pictures.

I even have a catchy poster, and image is everything you know...

Hollywood Babble On & On... #11: 7 Kinds of Stupid

This is the real AMPTP web site that offers their side of the Writer's Strike.

This is a spoof of the AMPTP web site, probably organized by some writers with too much time on your hands. (h/t Nikki Finke)

Now what do these two sites tell you?

And I'm not talking about how producer's site somehow makes dishwater look exciting.

I'm talking about how the AMPTP, and via them, all of Hollywood management thinks.

Still don't get it?

Okay, I'll explain it, slowly, so even a Hollywood executive can figure it out.

The mere existence of a spoof site, using the .com address shows that the AMPTP's membership and management possess a mix of contempt, arrogance, and stupidity.

I've discussed contempt before. So I'm going to stick to arrogance and stupidity tonight.

Now .com is the most common address on the internet. It is just about everywhere. In fact many people type .com simply out of reflex, even though they intend to go to .org, .net or whatever...

So it's natural for any organization to buy the .com address for their site, even if they intend it to be something else. It's basic common sense to prevent fraud-artists, pornographers, and parodists from using an address similar to your and getting to visiting them instead of you.

However, common sense seems to be lacking in Hollywood.

The brainiacs of the AMPTP who secured the .org address without securing the .com address probably didn't think that they would be parodied. They lacked the foresight, or even the basic imagination to realize that they're up against people who use their imagination for a living, and that a large number of those people write comedy.

They are arrogant enough to think that they're dealing with people as uncreative and narrow minded as they are. Underestimating their enemy is one of many mistakes.

Of course they probably are also blind to the fact that the people who use their imaginations to make a living, are also key to the AMPTP members making a living too.

The AMPTP has had it too good for too long. Hollywood's been the dominant supplier of entertainment for almost a century, and that dominance has made it smug and stupid.

Smug in the fact that it assumes that it will always be the world's #1 source for entertainment, and that those who actually create that entertainment will have to do their bidding and call it ice cream, because they think they will forever be the only game in town.

Stupid in the fact that while technology should make production cheaper and more efficient, costs are going up beyond the rate of inflation. Yet other countries are using this new technology to produce entertainment that catching up with Hollywood in production values without the expense.

Of course I'm talking about companies that dole out massive bonuses to executives whether the company profits or not.

Which goes beyond stupid and arrogant into the realm of either corruption or insanity.

To save itself the AMPTP has to trim the fat, starting with the clotting wads that lie between their ears. They must shake off old inefficient methods, streamline the executive suite, and realize that their main business is the telling and selling of stories, everything else is just icing on the cake.

That's why I'm campaigning to replace Robert Shaye as head of New Line. Sure, I don't know what I'm doing, but neither does anyone else in Hollywood.

But at least I know that I don't know what I'm doing.

That makes me overqualified.

Hollywood Babble On & On... #4: The Writer's Strike and What the Audience Can Do

Now I've been known to gripe a bit about how the modern movie business is run.  I'm especially displeased with how Hollywood has come to treat with contempt the most important people in their business: The Filmmakers who make the films and The Audience who makes them profitable.

Now the Writers' Strike has given me an idea for the filmmakers and the audience to unite and make the media powers that be stand up and take notice.

STOP BUYING DVDS

That's right.

The audience doesn't really need DVDs to live, but the studios do, that's why I think we, the audience should boycott purchasing new DVDs until a fair and equitable settlement of the Writer's Strike is reached.

It's not like the writers are getting anything from these DVDs anyway, and they won't until something dramatic happens.

Remember, the Xmas shopping season is coming, that's the most important time for DVD sales in the year.  So until a deal a reached, give your DVD money to charity, spend it on something else, but don't buy any more DVDs.

You have no idea how hard it is for me to ask this, but I am, because they've gone too far.