Hollywood Babble On & On #593: Playing Favorites?

Welcome to the show folks....

There's some trouble a-brewing at the Venice Film Festival, here's the link, but I'll boil it down to the salient points for you:

Quentin Tarantino was the President of the jury for the Venice Film Festival's Golden Lion Awards.

Sofia Coppola, Quentin Tarantino's ex-girlfriend, won the top Golden Lion Award.

Monte Hellman, Tarantino's favorite mayonnaise mentor, won some sort of lifetime achievement award for.... something....

Enter the European press, who immediately started shitting their pants, which were in a twist, in rage over what they consider blatant favoritism.

It is at this time that I do my classic Claude Rains in Casablanca impression and declare that I am shocked, SHOCKED, to discover that personal feelings may play a more important part than merit or artistic quality in dispensing entertainment awards.

Did you get the sarcasm dripping from that last statement like maple syrup dripping off a piece of waffle... or did I just think about what I want for breakfast tomorrow...?

Anyway, when it comes to awards, from the Oscars to the Golden Globes, the Emmys, to the Golden Lions, Tigers, and Bears, oh my, it pretty much all boils down to personal feelings on the part of the people casting the votes.

Even the People's Choice Awards make me want to take away people's freedom of choice.

That's because winning an award and deserving an award are two completely different things.

You see awards are dispensed by human beings, human beings have their own foibles like personal preferences, prejudices, and fits of pique. They have literally hundreds of reasons for giving awards to some and not to others that have no connection to the quality of the work at hand.

You want proof?

YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE PROOF!

Sorry, I just blurted that out for some nonsensical reason....

But it is a pretty tough challenge that few can handle.

First look up the names of every movie that has ever won Best Picture at the Academy Awards, The Palme D'Or from Cannes, the Golden Lion of Venice, and Berlin's Golden Bear.

Randomly pick ten that you have never seen from each category. Try to get as wide a range of eras and subject matter as you can.

Watch them.

All of them.

Every last reeking minute of them.

Take note of how many are remotely watchable, and how many are total dreck.

You'll be surprised at how many films that are almost laughably bad were major award winners. My personal un-fave is Cecil B. DeMille's Greatest Show On Earth, which is the most mis-leading title in the history of cinema.

My advice, don't get all worked up over awards they have their own reasons for existing, and most of them have more to do with the internal politics of the people voting on them, than anything else.

Saturday Silliness Cinema: A Moment Of Zen

Welcome to the show folks...

Time for my usual Saturday break from ranting and raving about the business of pop culture and to have a little giggle.

Today a relaxing moment of Zen, Christopher Walken performing Lady Gaga's Poker Face. Enjoy.

Hollywood Babble On & On #592: Some Brain Droppings

Welcome to the show folks...

Sorry I didn't have a blog yesterday, it was a combination of slow news and my own personal laziness after a day of physical labor that only cemented my distaste for physical labor. I know some were disappointed by my lack of posting yesterday....
Ah jeez Don Draper, buck up, I'm back.
There, now you're happy again.

So let's get this ball rolling...

GOOD NEWS/BAD NEWS

THE GOOD NEWS: The film Sarah's Key, based on a critically acclaimed novel, was picked up by a distributor in the first big sale of the Toronto International Film Festival.

THE BAD NEWS: That distributor was The Weinstein Co., so you can expect to never, ever, see the film again outside of a discount bin of a Wal-Mart in Passaic New Jersey.

Expect to get a release date some time next year.

Then that will pass with no release, so they'll announce another release date.

Then, after at least 2 years, they will dump the film on home video.

JUST WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS

The Paley Center of, I guess, Paley-ness has announced that they will start a TV awards show to rival the Emmy Awards.

Thank Xenu for that!

I've been looking for an excuse for watching less TV, and now I have it.

THE FOLLOWING IMAGES WILL SHOCK YOU

Okay, Julie Taymor and Bono and The Edge from U2 are actually going through with their plan to put on a multi-million dollar Spider-Man musical.

I have some problems with this production, first...

THE TITLE

"Turn Off The Dark?"

Really?

Why not just call it, A Musical By Pretentious Wankers, and spare poor Spider-Man the humiliation.

And then there's Julie Taymor's costume designs...
Is that supposed to be the Green Goblin?

He's supposed to be a scary psychopathic super-villain, not an understudy at an Ice-Capades production of The Grinch Who Stole Xmas.

And what's with this Swiss Miss character she created for the show:
I know Grace Jones could use the work, but can someone really be a scary villain when they look like an anorexic disco ball?

What are the Spider-Fans going to think about this?
Now look what you've done. You're making Don Draper cry again. Thanks a lot. Dammit!

Someone get me a pack of Lucky Strikes and a bottle of gin, stat!

Hollywood Babble On & On #591: What Is Your Intent?

Welcome to the show folks...

It looks like it's finally going to happen. Spyglass Entertainment is inching closer to taking over management of the mortally moribund MGM. They've filed a letter of intent declaring their intentions to get the bondholders to trade the company's $4 billion debt in exchange for ownership, and are even looking at recruiting a new Chief Operating Officer.

While I would like to see MGM be reborn, I have misgivings about this whole plan. My chief misgiving is Spyglass's intent to drop the company's marketing and distribution arms, and to go forward with MGM as just a production company.

Here's my message to Spyglass Entertainment.

NO!

NO! NO! NO!

BAD SPYGLASS!

BAD BAD SPYGLASS!

WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!

DON'T MAKE ME RUB YOUR NOSE IN IT!

Can you guess how I feel about this plan?

Spyglass is already a production company. It's apparently very good at it because it's been around a long time.

So why does it want to manage just another production company?

The ability to put movies on screens is pure power in Hollywood. Like I always said, any idiot with money can make a movie, but only a real studio can distribute a movie properly.

To give that up threatens to cast MGM deeper into the outer darkness where it's been for the past 20 years.

Imagine this scenario.

The Spyglass managed MGM inks a deal for all their movies to be distributed by Paramount, which has a good relationship with Spyglass.

At first it works great, The Hobbit, and the next James Bond movie do really well for both.

But will Paramount burn as many calories in the field of marketing and distribution for something that isn't a guaranteed cash cow like those franchises?

Will Paramount burn many calories distributing and promoting an MGM film that may directly compete with a movie made by Paramount?

The answer to both those questions is no.

Sure Spyglass can raise hell, but it's an inevitability. It could get even worse if there's a change in management at Paramount to one that is less accommodating to Spyglass Entertainment and MGM.

Which brings me to my conclusion. Spyglass should save MGM, it needs saving, and I think, if run right, it could be worth saving. However, giving up the power that distribution gives you, in order to exist at the whim of another studio is just plain cinematice suicide.

Hollywood Babble On & On #590: How To Be #1

Welcome to the show folks...

George Clooney's film The American was #1 at the box office this weekend in a tight race with the Mexploitation action-film Machete, and the heist pic Takers. This despite a Cinemascore, the people who ask actual moviegoers what they thought of the movie they just saw, giving it a D for dreary, dismal and dull. This is a rare victory for Clooney, whose last film the critically acclaimed Up In The Air was his best performer at the box office since Ocean's 13, but still only made $83 million.

That's not really enough to justify his status as an "A-List" movie star, especially when coupled with the prime turkeys like The Men Who Stare At Goats, The Good German, and a bunch of other flicks that came and went without causing much of a stir with the audience, though not as much as it used to.

So how did he get the #1 movie this past weekend. Well, here's how:

1. Clooney gets a lot of hype. He is what I call a "Media Appealer," which means that his career is based on winning over the people in the media, over the audience. His target audience are Academy Award voters, critics, and the vast celebrity publicity machine.

That means that everything he does gets all sorts of hype and media coverage whether the film actually deserves it or not. That's bound to inspire a few people to buy tickets.

2. The studio released it on a very slow weekend. This Labor Day weekend was one of the slowest in movie history and was made up of mostly films either running out of steam like The Expendables, or films with low expectations like Machete, Takers, Going The Distance, and Clooney's The American. Machete stars Danny Trejo, a character actor not known for his star power, Takers didn't get much pre-release buzz, and Going The Distance was just another romantic comedy that's just like the last romantic comedy that even women only force their boyfriends to take them to as a form of punishment, so the competition was pretty lean.

3. Ye old bait and switch. The trailers and the ad campaign made the movie look like it was an action packed thriller more along the lines of Clooney's bread and butter Ocean's franchise than his other films.

According to most reports the audiences who paid to see something akin to the Bourne Identity, instead got a slow moving character study and that the trailer that wooed them, literally had every action scene in it. That means no real thrills or surprises, what was supposed to be the appetizer, ended up being the main course.

Will The American stay at #1?

Probably not.

Fall awards season and the traditional smaller genre counter-programming is set to begin soon, and I don't think there's going to be any room for this film in it.

Link Piece-- Guardian VS Quango!

Welcome to the show folks...

A tip of my sombrero to Jonathan from Save The British Film Industry for this link to a video from British newspaper the Guardian, casting a surprisingly critical look at how the UK Film Council is being mismanaged.

Hollywood Babble On & On #589: DAMMIT! NOT AGAIN!

Welcome to the show folks...

Film financier David Molner of Aramid Entertainment Fund is being sued for misappropriation of funds by investors and is accused of using the investment fund as a "personal piggy bank."

If that sounds familiar, it's because Molner is one of the cast of thousands suing film financier David Bergstein for EXACTLY THE SAME THING.

Reports are saying that Molner was using Aramid for some un-aromatic business, using investor money to give loans to himself, others Aramid managers, and various corporate entities they control. Loans that weren't repaid, causing financial troubles for the fund and causing it to be de-listed from the Cayman Islands Stock Exchange (where the company is registered).

Reading such stories breaks my flinty little heart. Why? Well, it's because they illustrate how badly screwed up the entire industry is whether this Molner fellow is guilty or not. Here's why:

IF HE'S GUILTY...

It's yet another case of how people use the overly and needlessly complicated structure of international film finance to play silly buggers for their own enrichment at the expense of their investors. It's one of the main reasons people are leery to invest in film, because where they're willing to accept risk when it comes to films making or losing money, they aren't going to accept the stupidity of people just taking their cash and running away.

IF HE'S INNOCENT...

It's a classic illustration of how complicated business practices can turn around and bite you on the ass if your investors aren't 110% thrilled with your performance. It doesn't matter how honest someone is, or tries to be, but in the convoluted world of international finance, good forensic accountants can probably find if not 10 felonies on every page of the company accounts, at least grounds for a lawsuit.

How can business avoid such problems?

SIMPLIFY.

The tax code needs to be simplified, the accounting rules need to be simplified, and the film finance business needs to be simplified. Maybe finally put the self-fulfilling idiocy that's crippling the business to an end.

Because when things are simple to understand, it's harder to steal, and it's also harder to accidentally look like you're stealing.

Saturday Silliness Cinema: The Greatest Action Scene Ever!

Welcome to the show folks...

Normally I post comedy videos as my usual Saturday break from ranting about pop culture and the business behind it, but today I'm posting something a little different.

Today, I'm going for ACTION!

Yes, it's the greatest action scene ever committed to film, and it comes to us from the land where exotic is normal, and the people are prone to spontaneous musical numbers. I'm talking about India, or to be more specific the wonderful land of BOLLYWOOD. Enjoy.

Hollywood Babble On & On #588: Frying On A Friday

Welcome to the show folks...

It's still hot, the weather reporters are predicting doomsday tomorrow with Hurricane Earl. But I'll hunker down and deliver some little bits of the ranting and raving that you crave like the salivating dogs that you are.

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

Just days after the head of the BBC called on British pay-TV giant Sky to put more into developing British programming, Sky has announced that they're going to invest more into British programming. To be specific they're going to start producing films of "sufficient scale" for broadcast on their network, and no doubt leaving options open for possible theatrical releases or foreign sales.

Now I'm pretty sure that Mr. BBC honcho is thinking that he's the big winner in this and has made a big stand for British production.

I think he should be careful what he wishes for.

Why? Two reasons:

1. The Murdochs who own and run News Corp. which owns Sky don't do anything where there isn't a chance they'll make a return on their investment. They're not above taking risks, but they take extremely and carefully calculated risks. Has BBC Director General/Sky Critic Mark Thompson really thought this through? What if these movies are really successful? What if they cause subscription rates to Sky Network to Sky-rocket? That means fewer eyes on BBC TV. Oops?

2. The Sky People, as I like to call them, are looking to make movies that are big, bold, and dramatic to attract subscribers. Such projects are going to suck up a lot of Britain's film-making resources. Actors, crews, studio space, going to work for Sky in large numbers. If they succeed, and more get made, then Thompson will start complaining that their omnipresence is making it harder and more expensive for the BBC to get anything done.

Unless these movies completely tank, the Murdochs can put another check in the win column, and Thompson's going to think it was his idea.

JAILBIRD FLIES FREE

The former TV news producer who tried to blackmail talk show host David Letterman over his sexual peccadilloes with employees is out of jail.

I'm sure he already has his book written and is ready to hit the talk show circuit.

THE NEVERENDING STORY

I have a question?

When is this goddamn takeover of Miramax supposed to end?

Just recently James Robinson of Morgan Creek Productions dropped out of the group of investors buying the moribund Miramax. This led to all sorts of rumors that the deal was through, and that it was all going to start all over again, and now Ron Tutor, the head of the group, says that the deal is still on.

That's nice and all, but shouldn't it be done already?

It just goes to show how needlessly complicated business in Hollywood has become. All the paperwork should have been done ages ago, but they're still diddling over Xenu knows what. I'm expecting some people to die of old age before this thing is done, or a single frame of film is shot in the name of the new Miramax.

I called Disney for a comment, and this was their only response:



Thanks a lot Disney.

I think the only people who are going to make money off of Miramax will be the lawyers.

Shameless Self Promotion

Hi.

I don't usually care to toot my own horn, but the web-site for the group Save The British Film Industry gave this blog a detailed and glowing review, calling me a "Must read." So toot-toot everybody!

Of course such a review has to come during a dead zone, but what the heck, I'm a shameless praise-whore and will take it from anywhere I can get it.