Friday, 19 May 2006

My Paul McCartney Temporal Paradox Story...*

News of his impending divorce has led to renewed interest in ex-Beatle/seal-hugger Paul McCartney.

This includes the crazy rumour that he had died in the 60's and had been replaced by a look-alike.

Well, that crazy story happens to be both true and untrue at the same time.

Allow me to explain...

It all started when was playing around with my temporal anomaly generator. I had opened a portal into London in the mid-1960's, and looking to cause some havoc with the timeline I packed up my pet badger Chompy and we jumped in.

Well to make a long story short Chompy and I ended up at a card game in a swank private club in the Mayfair district and before the night was through I had shagged Ursula Andress, bitch-slapped David Hemmings, a gun went off and Paul McCartney lay in a bloody heap on the floor, with Chompy chewing off his right foot.

I came back to my own time to discover that while my little misadventure had prevented that shitty duet with Michael Jackson I had done terrible damage to the timeline and put the Earth on a course of inevitable destruction.

In this timeline DISCO NEVER ENDED!

I'm not sure why this had happened, just that it did. The ebb and flow of temporal space is infinitely complex, but I did know that the death of Paul McCartney had somehow caused it. So I fired up the time machine, set it for two minutes before the gun went off, and leapt in.

Long story short, I prevented Paul from getting shot, shagged Ursula Andress again, and bitch slapped David Hemmings again, for no good reason.

When Chompy and I came back the world was back to normal.


Disco was over, but the world was ruled by a race of superintelligent cockroaches. I had to go back again to prevent it from happening, but that's another story...

Chompy in one of his quieter, less homicidal moments

*The story contained in the post is not in anyway true and should only be believed by folks who think the DaVinci Code is non-fiction.

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