10. You have to fiddle with the numbers so people don't find out your big budget movie was beaten at the box office by Ashton Kutcher. I mean for the love of Jumping German Jimmy Olsen, Ashton-fucking-Kutcher!
9. You can't even make a movie about trying to kill Hitler that people will like.
8. To assert your individuality you go out and get the exact same tattoos every other actor in Hollywood has.
(BTW- The exotic looking Chinese characters you had tattooed to the crack of your ass actually mean: Ask me about my grandchildren.)
7. You were able to cash in your 10 visits to rehab, get one free drying out card, several times.
6. You honestly believe that fame is going to fix you.
5. You think not bathing is a social statement. It isn't.
4. You think the opinions of nightclub reptiles, and tabloid editors is more important than the audience.
3. No one exactly knows why you're famous.
2. You think Beverly Hills, Malibu, and Hollywood are the real America.
1. Your footprints are on Oprah's couch.