Wednesday, 24 September 2008

An Open Letter To David Blaine

Dear David Blaine.

I try to stay out of meddling in the lives of celebrities, but your antics in recent years have driven me to do it.

Please, please, get your head out of your ass.

I'm begging you.

You were once a pretty skilled illusionist, but these stunts have made you a walking joke. So what if you get encased in ice, starved for two weeks, hung upside down, or have starving rabid ferrets inserted up your anus, it's become boring. The only entertainment value left with you is the fleeting schadenfreude they feel when one of these lame stunts finally backfires and your eyeballs pop out of their sockets.

Have you considered doing magic?

You know, the thing that first made you famous before you decided to become the king of lame endurance stunts?

You used to be pretty good at that, and I know coming up with new illusions is tough, when the temptation to go the easy attention grabbing route of almost killing yourself on an annual basis, but no one outside of the media cares.

Right now magicians are having their second golden age, with salaries and bookings reaching levels unheard of since the golden age of vaudeville. I know it's may go against your image as a hipster rebel, and requires a level of non-self-flagellating showmanship you are possibly incapable of, but you don't have to wear a tux, and maybe you can hire a hot assistant to distract the audience from your rather bland personality.

So let pulling your head out of your own ass be your greatest stunt.

-Furious D

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