Friday, 6 March 2009

Hollywood Babble On & On #244: And the Question is...

Okay, here's the story.

Michael Jackson, the washed up self-proclaimed King of Pop and purveyor of "Jesus Juice," is going on a comeback tour, and is planning to make a 3D movie based on his song "Thriller," and somehow got the AEG Corporation to foot $400 million to pay for all this.

Which brings me to the central question of this whole deal:


I mean I can understand doing a deal to make money, but I haven't really heard of anyone making any money off of Michael Jackson in a long, long, time.

The fact that he's been sued by everyone from partners to the corner 7/11 for unpaid bills. should tell them that he's a black hole of money. Cash goes in, and is never seen again. Yet this black hole's strange gravitational pull keeps attracting people willing to put big money into strange comeback schemes.

Now I'm not going to say that it's bad business, because of the molestation charges, he was a acquitted, so I won't pass judgment on whether they were true or not. However, what I will pass judgment on is the fact that his lifestyle, a combination of opulent fantasy well salted with delusions of royalty, phony pretensions of child-like innocence, bizarre public behaviour, turning ordinary expenses into expensive litigation, and an addiction to plastic surgery that goes well into the realm of mental illness made not only those charges plausible, but everything about him a waste of time and money.

Which brings me to my theory as to why this whole mess is going forward.

You see, there are two types of people on this planet.

1. The people who look at Michael Jackson and see a hideously surgically deformed middle-aged man, who may have once been a popular entertainer, but all he does now is creep people out.

2. The people who look at Michael Jackson and see the little 12 year old boy who sang for the Jackson 5 back during the Pleistocene Epoch.

I believe that Jackson is coasting on the goodwill, and money of the #2 People, and the only thing that might snap him out of his delusional dreamworld is for them to wake up and see that he doesn't even have a nose, let alone a fan base worth $400 million.

I'm not the type to make stock picks, but I'd be selling short on AEG right now. Yikes.


  1. $400 million? To make a movie??


    Even the super big-budget hope-to-be blockbusters rarely go over $200M. Why would Jacko need $400?

  2. Oops.

    The $400 million's to pay for the tour and the movie. I have corrected that little mis-statement.

    The money will still be pissed away though.

  3. Ahh. That makes a tiny bit more sense. Raises it from completely bat-sh!t insane to merely financially irresponsible.

    I suppose he does still have a few fans out there but I doubt there are enough to let AEG earn their money back, much less make any sort of profit on the deal.