Friday, 20 March 2009

A Special Message For Hollywood Agents...


I said ten-hut you mound of mealy mouthed maggot-droppings!

Drop your imported bottled water and listen up!

You have probably heard that the talent agencies CAA and UTA have ordered you attend special training.

My name is Sergeant Hardass, and it my job to give you that special training. It is my job to take the grab-asstic pieces of amphibian shit that you are, break you down, and then build you up into a lean, mean, talent representing machine!

I will motivate you! I will teach you the skills you need to survive as an agency assistant in today's Hollywood!

By the time you are finished the 16 weeks of hell I will put you through, you will be able to make soy-milk lattes to your boss' personal taste, you will also be able to dodge the mug when he decides that he doesn't like it that way anymore! You will find items of clothing lost by their dry cleaners, groom their pets, keep their e-mail straight, and be able to lie about their activities to their spouses, signifigant others, and life partners, and they will believe you!

Now fall in march formation! First thing, it to learn is the Agent's Marching Chant! Now follow me you plug ugly botox clinic rejects!

I don't know what I've been told!
Sumner Redstone's mighty old!
Sound off!
I will be the best agent!
I will earn my ten per-cent!
Sound off!
I must get all I can get!
I only want the gross, not net!

Come on! I can't hear you! Sound off like you got an expense account!

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