Tuesday, 28 April 2009

Hollywood Babble On & On #277: A Little Early Merger Counselling...

DR. PHIL- Howdy y'all, I'm Dr. Phil McDrawl, and I have a newly merged couple whose relationship worries a lot of people. I'd like to introduce you to the husband, William Morris
Enter William Morris, who is quite elderly, and slow moving.
WILLIAM MORRIS- I'm coming, I'm coming you young whipper snapper!

DR. PHIL- And his new bride Enn Devor.
Enn Devor comes bouncing out from backstage, she's all big silicon implants and bigger blonde hair.
ENN DEVOR- Hi everybody. Aren't I great?
The couple take a seat.
DR. PHIL- Now some folks are saying that this relationship is doomed. That your egos will get in the way of marital success.


ENN DEVOR- He thinks our egos are too big.

WILLIAM MORRIS- Of course they're too big. I'm amazed she can even stand up straight.


WILLIAM MORRIS- That's what I was talking about.

DR. PHIL- Let's not forget that this is my show, so I'll just butt in here. How are you going to make this merger work.

WILLIAM MORRIS- It's all about equality. I'm big in music representation.

ENN DEVOR- And I'm big in movies. Together we can cover the whole world.

DR. PHIL- But what about things in that special place--

AUDIENCE- Ooooooooohhhh.

DR. PHIL- I'm talking about the boardroom.

WILLIAM MORRIS- Well the boardroom is even.

DR. PHIL- But I heard that things don't even out. One of you has five seats and the other has four.

ENN DEVOR- Well that's true, on the surface, but for every one of his board votes, I get one and a quarter. That way it evens out.

WILLIAM MORRIS- And it makes her feel special having one and quarter votes, instead of just getting another board member.

ENN DEVOR- I better feel special, considering I'm stuck playing the trophy wife in this little skit.

WILLIAM MORRIS- You don't like the breasts?

ENN DEVOR- Do you hear me complaining about the breasts?

WILLIAM MORRIS- Good, because they count as two and a half of your board votes.

DR. PHIL- If you think you can make this work, then I wish you luck, now normally I'd plug my book-- Merger Matters, but this time I think you should order Sha'Daa: Tales of the Apocalypse, a rollicking fantasy thrill ride, featuring the author of this blog and his story Dixie Chrononauts.

WILLIAM MORRIS- Wait a minute, you're ruining this skit to pimp the blog writer's book?


DR. PHIL- Man's gotta pimp what a man's gotta pimp.

WILLIAM MORRIS- I like the cut of your jib.

ENN DEVOR- Need a new agent?

WILLIAM MORRIS- He's mine, I saw him first!

ENN DEVOR- You saw the dinosaurs first, let someone fresh close the deal!

WILLIAM MORRIS- Why you little!!!


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