An Evening With Jon Peters

An Open Letter
To Hollywood
by
special guest
JON PETERS
The Greatest Movie Producer
The World Has Ever Known*

I just don't fucking believe it.

First everybody shits a kitten when Nikki Finke gets her mitts on my book proposal and starts blabbing about it all over this enter-web thingy, and I get all sorts of threats of lawsuits and shit if I don't pull out of the deal like Catholic birth control.

Well, I pulled it out, are you happy now?

Damn.

I thought you people were my friends?

Sure, none of you have anything nice to say about me, and my book didn't have anything nice in it about you, but come on. It would have been a fucking bitching book!

And I know books, I read one once!

It has fucking, it has bitch slaps, it's got even more fucking, and the ending where I beat up that giant fucking mekanikal robot spider was the greatest thing ever written.

But what do I get?

I get the most powerful people in all of Hollywood looking to put my tastekels testekels balls in a sling over it.

Goes to show that I still got it.

Because getting all those emportent big people coming after me shows that I am still the biggest ballsiest bad-ass producer in all the land, and not someone who once had the run of a studio and all he got done was getting himself dismasst shit-canned for wasting millions.

I am still the king!!

*As determined by the Jon Peters Institute for Measuring the Greatness of Producers.