Tis the season for for the networks to announce what coming down the pipeline to go on the boob tube this fall. The always indefatigable Nikki Finke has the rundown, and since I've already done NBC's line-up hopefuls, I might as well do the others.
CBS
DRAMAS
UNTITLED NCIS SPIN-OFF (CBS-Paramount) This is considered a shoo in. Since I caught the "phantom pilot" running during NCIS and know that it's about an elite undercover unit, I think they should avoid giving it a title of its own. In fact, they should just give it a different name each week. Sort of like the show about undercover agents, going undercover. What do you think? Still a better idea than Cop Rock.
THE GOOD WIFE (CBS-Paramount/Scott Free) a female driven legal drama starring Juliana Margulies to replace the last female driven legal drama starring Juliana Margulies that failed on Fox last year. The lesson, never give up.
U.S. ATTORNEY (CBS-Paramount) I'm gonna venture a guess that the pilot episode will feature two hot-looking young lawyers getting into each others legal briefs in the courthouse closet.
MIAMI TRAUMA (Warner Bros/CBS-Paramount) This is Jerry Bruckheimer doing a Miami based medical drama. Which will raise the question: "How many accidents can occur involving women in bikinis.
THREE RIVERS (CBS-Paramount/Deuce Three) Sadly the three Rivers of the title are going to be Joan Rivers, Rivers Cuomo of Weezer, and the ghost of River Phoenix as a trio of vaudevillians in the turn of the century.
THE EASTMANS (Warner Bros) the buzz says that it's about a family of doctors, but without the procedural stuff that people actually watch. Probably would have been better if they made it about the Kodak people.
HOUSE RULES (ABC TV Studio/Mark Gordon Co) A political drama about congress. Probably last as long as those supreme court shows did a few years ago.
WASHINGTON FIELD (CBS-Paramount) comes from the executive producer of Criminal Minds, but I can't tell from the title weather it's about politics, crime, or football.
BACK (CBS-Paramount/Storyline) will be what people will be saying about the time they wasted watching this.
A MARRIAGE (Bedford Falls) will be divorced from viewers.
COMEDIES
ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE (CBS-Paramount/BermanBraun) is the big Jenna Elfman comeback vehicle.
HAPPINESS ISN'T EVERYTHING (Sony TV/Paramount/Tantamount) and neither are viewers apparently.
WAITING TO DIE (Sony TV/Tantamount) this won't have long to wait.
FOX
SONS OF TUCSON (Twentieth TV/J2 Pictures) will soon be disowned by Tuscon.
GLEE (Twentieth TV) not even Disney has attempted to make High School Musical a weekly series, and there's a reason for that. It's because a weekly musical series set in the whiny angst filled world of high school will fail.
HUMAN TARGET (Warner Bros/DC Comics/Wonderland) a remake of a failed show that starred Rick Springfield. Every old is new again, as well as everything failed.
MAGGIE HILL (Twentieth TV/Imagine) saggy swill.
MASTERWORK (Twentieth TV) Da Vinci Code meets National Treasure meets bitter failure.
BROTHERS (Sony TV/Tantamount) a football comedy. Which means that each episode will run over three hours, have fifteen minutes of actual jokes, and the rest will be colour commentary as the cast mill about the stage wondering what to do next.
COP HOUSE (Twentieth Century Fox TV/Adelstein) foreclosed.
ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS (BBC Worldwide/Sony TV/Tantamount) absolutely crapulous.
EVA ADAMS (Sony TV/Fanfare) don't know what it's about, and don't care, neither does the network according to Nikki Finke.
ABC
MODERN FAMILY (previously My American Family) (Twentieth Century Fox TV) officially picked by the network, but probably not by viewers.
FLASH FORWARD (ABC-TV Studio/Created By) based on a Canadian sci-fi novel, (I use the word sci-fi to annoy the "purists") and it'll probably turn into Lost redux when they use all the novel's ideas in the first half of season one.
COUGAR TOWN (ABC TV StudioDoozer/Coquette) Courtney Cox playing the titular cougar. It's gonna need a lot of friends.
THE BRIDGET SHOW (Sony TV/Tantamount/Hagada Hey) lemme guess, a show about a perky talkative gal on the go.
ROMANTICALLY CHALLENGED (formerly the untitled Ricky Blitt Project) (Warner Bros) and probably creatively challenged too.
THE LAW (ABC TV Studio/DreamWorks) is an ass.
CANNED (ABC TV Studio/BGTV) deserves to be.
UNTITLED DAVE HEMINGSON LEGAL SHOW (Twentieth Century Fox TV) it's hot, it has no title, and it's another show about a lawyer. Adjourned.
HAPPY TOWN (ABC TV Studio) is described as being like Twin Peaks, but most likely lacking the entertainment value.
EASTWICK (Warner Bros) from the movie based on the book about magical women. BURN IT! BURN IT!
V (Warner Bros) a remake of a successful mini-series turned failed weekly series. Hollywood has never met a mistake it wasn't willing to repeat.
THE FORGOTTEN (Warner Bros/Bruckheimer) probably better left forgotten.
INSIDE THE BOX (ABC TV Studio) a show about Washington journalists from the folks who brought you Grey's Anatomy, because we all know how the average American respects and loves Washington journalists. That's why newspapers are selling better than ever.
SOLVING CHARLIE (ABC TV Studio/Francie Calfo Prods) I have the solution to Charlie, stop wasting people's time.
EMPIRE STATE (ABC TV Studio/Mark Gordon Co) unless it involves King Kong and some climbing, I won't get excited about it.
LIMELIGHT (Warner Bros/Wonderland) dim light.
SEE CATE RUN (ABC TV Studio/Gross Entertainment) see Cate flop.
CW
MELROSE PLACE (CBS-Paramount) everything old is new again, oh well, the ghost of Aaron Spelling needs the work.
THE BEAUTIFUL LIFE (CBS-Paramount/Katalyst Films) Ashton Kutcher producing a show about models starring Mischa Barton. Oh yeah, it's a lock for classic status.
VAMPIRE DIARIES (Warner Bros/Alloy Entertainment) will definitely suck in more ways than one.
GOSSIP GIRL SPINOFF (Warner Bros/CBS-Paramount/Alloy Entertainment): for some reason the network chose to not spin-off a show whose ratings performance doesn't get anywhere near the hype it recieves.
CBS
DRAMAS
UNTITLED NCIS SPIN-OFF (CBS-Paramount) This is considered a shoo in. Since I caught the "phantom pilot" running during NCIS and know that it's about an elite undercover unit, I think they should avoid giving it a title of its own. In fact, they should just give it a different name each week. Sort of like the show about undercover agents, going undercover. What do you think? Still a better idea than Cop Rock.
THE GOOD WIFE (CBS-Paramount/Scott Free) a female driven legal drama starring Juliana Margulies to replace the last female driven legal drama starring Juliana Margulies that failed on Fox last year. The lesson, never give up.
U.S. ATTORNEY (CBS-Paramount) I'm gonna venture a guess that the pilot episode will feature two hot-looking young lawyers getting into each others legal briefs in the courthouse closet.
MIAMI TRAUMA (Warner Bros/CBS-Paramount) This is Jerry Bruckheimer doing a Miami based medical drama. Which will raise the question: "How many accidents can occur involving women in bikinis.
THREE RIVERS (CBS-Paramount/Deuce Three) Sadly the three Rivers of the title are going to be Joan Rivers, Rivers Cuomo of Weezer, and the ghost of River Phoenix as a trio of vaudevillians in the turn of the century.
THE EASTMANS (Warner Bros) the buzz says that it's about a family of doctors, but without the procedural stuff that people actually watch. Probably would have been better if they made it about the Kodak people.
HOUSE RULES (ABC TV Studio/Mark Gordon Co) A political drama about congress. Probably last as long as those supreme court shows did a few years ago.
WASHINGTON FIELD (CBS-Paramount) comes from the executive producer of Criminal Minds, but I can't tell from the title weather it's about politics, crime, or football.
BACK (CBS-Paramount/Storyline) will be what people will be saying about the time they wasted watching this.
A MARRIAGE (Bedford Falls) will be divorced from viewers.
COMEDIES
ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE (CBS-Paramount/BermanBraun) is the big Jenna Elfman comeback vehicle.
HAPPINESS ISN'T EVERYTHING (Sony TV/Paramount/Tantamount) and neither are viewers apparently.
WAITING TO DIE (Sony TV/Tantamount) this won't have long to wait.
FOX
SONS OF TUCSON (Twentieth TV/J2 Pictures) will soon be disowned by Tuscon.
GLEE (Twentieth TV) not even Disney has attempted to make High School Musical a weekly series, and there's a reason for that. It's because a weekly musical series set in the whiny angst filled world of high school will fail.
HUMAN TARGET (Warner Bros/DC Comics/Wonderland) a remake of a failed show that starred Rick Springfield. Every old is new again, as well as everything failed.
MAGGIE HILL (Twentieth TV/Imagine) saggy swill.
MASTERWORK (Twentieth TV) Da Vinci Code meets National Treasure meets bitter failure.
BROTHERS (Sony TV/Tantamount) a football comedy. Which means that each episode will run over three hours, have fifteen minutes of actual jokes, and the rest will be colour commentary as the cast mill about the stage wondering what to do next.
COP HOUSE (Twentieth Century Fox TV/Adelstein) foreclosed.
ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS (BBC Worldwide/Sony TV/Tantamount) absolutely crapulous.
EVA ADAMS (Sony TV/Fanfare) don't know what it's about, and don't care, neither does the network according to Nikki Finke.
ABC
MODERN FAMILY (previously My American Family) (Twentieth Century Fox TV) officially picked by the network, but probably not by viewers.
FLASH FORWARD (ABC-TV Studio/Created By) based on a Canadian sci-fi novel, (I use the word sci-fi to annoy the "purists") and it'll probably turn into Lost redux when they use all the novel's ideas in the first half of season one.
COUGAR TOWN (ABC TV StudioDoozer/Coquette) Courtney Cox playing the titular cougar. It's gonna need a lot of friends.
THE BRIDGET SHOW (Sony TV/Tantamount/Hagada Hey) lemme guess, a show about a perky talkative gal on the go.
ROMANTICALLY CHALLENGED (formerly the untitled Ricky Blitt Project) (Warner Bros) and probably creatively challenged too.
THE LAW (ABC TV Studio/DreamWorks) is an ass.
CANNED (ABC TV Studio/BGTV) deserves to be.
UNTITLED DAVE HEMINGSON LEGAL SHOW (Twentieth Century Fox TV) it's hot, it has no title, and it's another show about a lawyer. Adjourned.
HAPPY TOWN (ABC TV Studio) is described as being like Twin Peaks, but most likely lacking the entertainment value.
EASTWICK (Warner Bros) from the movie based on the book about magical women. BURN IT! BURN IT!
V (Warner Bros) a remake of a successful mini-series turned failed weekly series. Hollywood has never met a mistake it wasn't willing to repeat.
THE FORGOTTEN (Warner Bros/Bruckheimer) probably better left forgotten.
INSIDE THE BOX (ABC TV Studio) a show about Washington journalists from the folks who brought you Grey's Anatomy, because we all know how the average American respects and loves Washington journalists. That's why newspapers are selling better than ever.
SOLVING CHARLIE (ABC TV Studio/Francie Calfo Prods) I have the solution to Charlie, stop wasting people's time.
EMPIRE STATE (ABC TV Studio/Mark Gordon Co) unless it involves King Kong and some climbing, I won't get excited about it.
LIMELIGHT (Warner Bros/Wonderland) dim light.
SEE CATE RUN (ABC TV Studio/Gross Entertainment) see Cate flop.
CW
MELROSE PLACE (CBS-Paramount) everything old is new again, oh well, the ghost of Aaron Spelling needs the work.
THE BEAUTIFUL LIFE (CBS-Paramount/Katalyst Films) Ashton Kutcher producing a show about models starring Mischa Barton. Oh yeah, it's a lock for classic status.
VAMPIRE DIARIES (Warner Bros/Alloy Entertainment) will definitely suck in more ways than one.
GOSSIP GIRL SPINOFF (Warner Bros/CBS-Paramount/Alloy Entertainment): for some reason the network chose to not spin-off a show whose ratings performance doesn't get anywhere near the hype it recieves.
HUMAN TARGET (Warner Bros/DC Comics/Wonderland)Wait a sec... DC comics???? Is this supposed to be something like Smallville? A show about a comic character? Which one D?
ReplyDeleteIt is...
ReplyDeleteHuman Target is a DC (& later Vertigo) character created by Len Wein and Carmine Infantino. He's a bodyguard who disguises himself as his clients to act as bait for any threats.
There was an attempt in the 90s to do it as a series with Rick Springfield, but it failed very quickly.