Thursday, 21 May 2009

Hollywood Babble On & On #289: Miscellaneous Movie Related Musings...


Word is going around that a major studio is planning to do a movie version of the board game
Battleship. It was this news that inspired me to start my internet rumour about a movie version of Hungry-Hungry Hippo. (Which I expect you to spread everywhere.)

Now I don't know why Hollywood decided to pay a toy company lots of money to license the movie rights to a game when there are literally hundreds of naval battle stories in the public domain known as
history. (Sure, some life rights may need to be cleared, but that's minor)

There's the sinking of the Bismarck, Midway, Coral Sea, and if you want to go way back, try Trafalgar, Lepanto, and the good part is that the really ancient battles are free, totally free!!!!

And if you're the studio that's made movies about the Bismarck or Midway, then you're halfway there already, because you probably already own the remake rights.

Sure, there's that hobgoblin of small minded marketers called "name recognition," but that's not all it's cracked up to be. Millions know the name of Nicole Kidman, but they won't pay good money to see her in a movie.

Speaking of remakes...


Chinatown producer Robert Evans is heading up a big screen adaptation of the short lived British series UFO. Now some may wonder why Evans, who was a major force at Paramount in the 1970s would try to make a movie based on a show that was really only a minor cult favourite?

Well, I think I know why. The premise of the story is that Commander Ed Straker runs a secret organization called SHADO, whose mission is to protect humanity from aliens intent on harvesting our organs. Straker's cover story is that he's the
CEO of a movie studio.

Face it, this is the closest it will ever come to a Hollywood CEO being cast as a hero.

I'm surprised Evans was the first to try for a remake.


Former hairdresser turned producer and former Sony Pictures boss Jon Peters is floating around a proposal hoping to attract a publisher to his autobiography. You have to read it for yourself to believe it, so read it, and come back. I'll wait....


Did you read it?

Man, wasn't that a tad self-aggrandizing?

If I didn't know that it was serious, I'd have thought that it was a parody.


The plan is to call the book
Studio Head, but I think it needs a different, better, and more accurate title. So here are my suggestions:

-A Boy & His Ego

-Hollywood Ozymandias: Look Upon My Wang Ye Mighty & Despair

-I Slept With Streisand, I Earned That Credit!

-Everything Goes Better With A Giant Mechanical Spider!

(If you have your own suggestion for a title, leave it in the comments)

A little humility goes a long way, especially when you have collected half the enemies that Peters has allegedly collected over the years.

I predict that Peters will get a couple of million for the book, and the only way it'll every be profitable is if the publisher sells it for $500,000 a copy. Because I'm very doubtful that anyone outside of the attorneys of the people mentioned in this book will buying it.


No it's not a letter from Jon Peters' lawyers, he hasn't found this blog yet. I'm talking about William Morris-Endeavor telling other agencies to stop poaching their people.

It's natural, Hollywood agencies are the most like sharks, not because they devour people, that depends on the individual agent, but because they have to be constantly moving forward.

When word of the WM-E merger got out, I'm certain that every other major agency in town smelled the coming layoffs like blood in the water, and instantly made a wish-list of agents and clients they wanted, and swooped in.

You can't blame them. They're just doing what nature intended, and it's perfectly natural for WM-E to protect their turf.


I'm still looking for one, as I reported yesterday. Today involved some research and the preparation of a new synopsis/cover letter for my novel
Joe Average. Just the drudgery of getting the work out there. Wish me luck.

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