Tuesday, 30 June 2009


Hello my people!

Michael Bay here, or, Michael Fucking Bay, if you're a critic. I've taken some time off from rolling in a giant bin of Transformer's money to hack into this insignificant little blog to tell you TEN AMAZING FACTS about the most amazing force of nature in the universe: Me.

1. I literally made the careers of Ben Affleck, Nic Cage, and Will Smith. Without me, they'd be homeless and dwelling in back alleys, trading hand-jobs for chrystal meth.

2. I invented "Jazz hands."

3. I fathered Octomom's eight children by having her look at a picture of one of my sperm. Yes, I'm that potent.

4. San Francisco Bay, Tokyo Bay, the Bay of Pigs, the Bay of Bengal, and thousands of other pieces of coastal geography were all named after me.

5. The phrase "to be held at bay," comes from the incident where I forced a rampaging rhino to freeze from the glamor of my smile.

6. In the year 2100 the Vatican will approve a sequel to the New Testament, called the Bay Testament.

7. I could make the Weinstein Company release a profitable movie, but I won't.

8. I don't drink coffee in the morning, I drink nitroglycerin, then I do jumping jacks to promote regularity.

9. Even I will admit that The Island was shit.

10. I don't use toilet paper, I use reviews.

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