Sunday, 5 July 2009

Hollywood Babble On & On #318: Furious D's Remake-Reboot Round-Up

Reason for disgust- The film was done right the first time, and the fact that it's sort-of sequel American Werewolf in Paris was so quickly forgotten, shows that CG werewolves aren't all they're cracked up to be.

Reason for hope- Dimension is part of The Weinstein Company, which is broke, so this cinematic abomination getting made highly unlikely, and even if it does, Harvey's better at finding excuses to not release films than release them, it could still fail to see the light of a full moon.

Reason for disgust- Red Dawn was extremely 80s. With the media telling us that nuclear annihilation was right around the corner, a film showing the conventional invasion of America by communist forces was a refreshing change of pace. Sadly, the Soviet Union obviously skipped the MGM story conference, because they collapsed about 20 years ago, which mean that it ceased to exist before the movie's lead characters were born.

Reason for hope- I can't see one. This is going to waste a lot of money for the already cash strapped MGM, unless they decide to turn it into a comedy and hire the South Park guys, America, fuck yeah.

Reason for disgust- I have a sneaking suspicion that they're going to draw their inspiration from neither the first film, or it's audaciously sword swinging source material, but will probably just rehash that cinematic abortion called Conan The Destroyer.

Reason for hope- At least Brett Ratner is reportedly not on the project anymore. Hopefully someone who appreciates the blood and guts nature of the source material, and didn't make X3

Reason for disgust- Robocop was a film about the 1980s, a very different time than the 2010's. It doesn't really age well, and slick special effects are not going to update it, especially after the bitter aftertaste left by the awful sequels, and the cheapo Canuck TV series.

Reason for hope- I can't see one.

Reason for disgust- The film was great for its time, its creature suit was revolutionary, and created some scary and impressive imagery. Nowadays there is nothing impressive about special fx, audience see CG, and yawn, because it required no craftsmanship or artistry.

Reason for hope- At least Universal won't have to pay for the franchise. Other than that, I got nothing.

Reason for disgust- Another film that was for and about its time. I can't really appreciate the film out of the context of the 1970s. Plus, the original was truly made by Jenny Agutter in that flimsy little outfit.

Reason for hope- A smart director and screenwriter could make it a brutal satire of Hollywood's obsession with youth and unbelievable standards of physical perfection, but that's highly unlikely. It'll probably turn into some sort of Matrix rehash.

Reason for disgust- While it was a brilliant novel, the concept of burning all books to control information, seems quaint in the age of the internet.

Reason for hope- I can't see much hope here, there are just too many temptations for Hollywood to screw it up.

Reason for disgust- The original show was an unremarkable cop show made a cult favourite by the off kilter charisma of William Shatner as the middle aged patrol sergeant teaching his rookie partner the ropes.

Reason for hope- Outside of Adrian Zmed getting work in a cameo role, the only real reason is an updated version of this scene on the big screen.

I understand that Charlize Theron's new agent Ari Emmanuel is negotiating for her to get the part.


  1. Wow, the raping of the '80s has begun! The worst off this list is 'Conan the Barbarian'. We all know this one being made would be the PG-13 of jokes and toilet humor now.

    I'm so glad I have the un-spielberg'ed edition already in my collection.

    I am not a rewriter so I'll have no idea how those morons will make 'Red Dawn' relevant today since ragheads don't have the capability to pull off any type of invasion in America. Sure they could possibly blow up a few dozen small nukes, but that aint invasion. It's "man-made disasters"...

    The Robocop sequels lost the point of the first one and pretty much showed us why the rest where awful for it. The canuck version tried the "serious" approach that made the final nail slammed into the coffin complete. The original nazi boy director probably didn't read the short story 'The Marching Morons', but the writer certainly did because of that tv personality coined "I'll buy that for a dollar!". Which was much like the character in the story saying "I'll buy that for a quarter!".. inflation and all.

    As for the rest, 'The taking of Pelham 123' proved how profitable that idea will be eh? in Not at All.

  2. Any further pictures of Ms. Agutter, especially in that costume would be highly appreciated.


    Or even without the costume. I'm not picky.

  3. I'll go for another ROBOCOP film is they take advantage of the Michigan incentives and film it in DETROIT this time.