Friday, 28 August 2009

Dear Rob...


Rob, I can call you Rob, right, well, it's all over the internet that you are planning to do a remake of the 1950's science fiction drive in classic The Blob, except you don't want to do it with the evil gelatinous mass from outer space.

Okay, but I have to tell you something, if you do that, IT WON'T BE

It would be called
The Whatchamacallit.

I mean what the hell are you smoking?

What are you going to do next?

Jaws, but without a shark?

The Birds, but with no birds?

Is this your personal artistic milieu, remaking films that promise one thing in the title, but refuse to deliver on that promise?

It looks like that to me, I mean you remade
Halloween and managed to do it without anything actually scary or interesting happening in the film.

And what's with this thing about psycho hillbillies and rednecks?

You're from Massachusetts and you live in Connecticut. Is this the classic New England snobbishness coming out, or is it a symptom of a deep seeded lack of imagination? You saw
Texas Chainsaw Massacre and never let go.

So how are you going to tackle The Blob? A big fat hillbilly from outer space?

And besides, it was already remade back in the 1980s with that guy from Entourage, why bother. I've heard of sloppy seconds, but you're going back for thirds.

~Furious D

1 comment:

  1. Dirty Dingus McGee -the first- says:

    I saw the remake when I was way too young for it, but the ticket was free and when I went inside. Most of the audience where in college.. and drunk before the show started!

    Seriously, this was way before I first saw an episode of MST3K. The putdowns and jokes coming from everyone in the theater made it one of the most hilarious times I've ever been to any movie in my life.

    If 'ol robby boy finishes this one off. The only way I'd ever watch it is if the theater was again packed with frats to destroy the stupid oozing out of this and many other "horror" flicks.