Here are some of the Oscar nominations and some will have notes about what I think about them. So let the vitriolic bitchiness begin!!
Nominees for the 82nd Academy Awards
Actor in a Leading Role
Jeff Bridges in “Crazy Heart”
Not only is Jeff Bridges a good actor, and all reports say he gives a great performance in this little indie film, but people seem to like Jeff Bridges too. Which helps him out a lot in this race.
George Clooney in “Up in the Air”
Clooney plays an upscale corporate toady suffering from upscale corporate toady ennui. It's got Oscar written all over it. Plus it's George's best grossing film since Ocean's 13, which is an achievement in itself.
Colin Firth in “A Single Man”
The Academy's tip of the hat to the gay community. They won't go too far and let him win for playing a gay character, but it's still nice to be at least nominated.
Morgan Freeman in “Invictus”
To not nominate an actor playing Nelson Mandela would bring down a shit-storm upon the heads of Academy Members. Now very few people have seen it, but that's going to hurt his chances as much as being in a Clint Eastwood film. The Academy just doesn't seem to be giving old Clint the love many think he deserves.
Jeremy Renner in “The Hurt Locker”
Not a chance to win, but if he does, it will ruin his career, because his next film will have him playing a mentally handicapped terminal cancer patient who teaches life lessons to inner city kids.
Jeff Bridges in “Crazy Heart”
Not only is Jeff Bridges a good actor, and all reports say he gives a great performance in this little indie film, but people seem to like Jeff Bridges too. Which helps him out a lot in this race.
George Clooney in “Up in the Air”
Clooney plays an upscale corporate toady suffering from upscale corporate toady ennui. It's got Oscar written all over it. Plus it's George's best grossing film since Ocean's 13, which is an achievement in itself.
Colin Firth in “A Single Man”
The Academy's tip of the hat to the gay community. They won't go too far and let him win for playing a gay character, but it's still nice to be at least nominated.
Morgan Freeman in “Invictus”
To not nominate an actor playing Nelson Mandela would bring down a shit-storm upon the heads of Academy Members. Now very few people have seen it, but that's going to hurt his chances as much as being in a Clint Eastwood film. The Academy just doesn't seem to be giving old Clint the love many think he deserves.
Jeremy Renner in “The Hurt Locker”
Not a chance to win, but if he does, it will ruin his career, because his next film will have him playing a mentally handicapped terminal cancer patient who teaches life lessons to inner city kids.
Actor in a Supporting Role
Matt Damon in “Invictus”
Hollywood has to acknowledge the movie's main white character.
Woody Harrelson in “The Messenger”
The token tip of the hat to the anti-war crowd. About as much chance of winning as the film has of being seen by average viewers.
Christopher Plummer in “The Last Station”
Combination of a lifetime achievement award to that finely seasoned slice of Canadian ham, and a tip of the hat to the earnest costume dramas that call Oscar home.
Stanley Tucci in “The Lovely Bones”
I suspect that nominating the actor who played the child molester is some sort of token of solidarity for Roman Polanski. (Oooh, ain't I a stinker?)
Christoph Waltz in “Inglourious Basterds”
Hollywood loves to nominate someone for playing a sinister Nazi villain, but they are wary of actually letting them win.
Hollywood has to acknowledge the movie's main white character.
Woody Harrelson in “The Messenger”
The token tip of the hat to the anti-war crowd. About as much chance of winning as the film has of being seen by average viewers.
Christopher Plummer in “The Last Station”
Combination of a lifetime achievement award to that finely seasoned slice of Canadian ham, and a tip of the hat to the earnest costume dramas that call Oscar home.
Stanley Tucci in “The Lovely Bones”
I suspect that nominating the actor who played the child molester is some sort of token of solidarity for Roman Polanski. (Oooh, ain't I a stinker?)
Christoph Waltz in “Inglourious Basterds”
Hollywood loves to nominate someone for playing a sinister Nazi villain, but they are wary of actually letting them win.
Actress in a Leading Role
Sandra Bullock in “The Blind Side”
Plus for the win: Plays a white woman who saves an African American teenager. Minus for the loss: Plays a Christian churchwoman who doesn't demand blood sacrifices like the one in The Mist.
Helen Mirren in “The Last Station”
Hardly seen, but Oscar voters like Mirren, and love costume dramas.
Carey Mulligan in “An Education”
Young actress shouldn't win for the first major role. It's becomes more of a curse than a blessing.
Gabourey Sidibe in “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire”
In this one's case a win won't hurt her career, because Hollywood honestly doesn't know what to do with her, except remake Precious over and over again.
Meryl Streep in “Julie & Julia”
Meryl has to be nominated. It's in the Academy rulebook. So it was either for playing Julia Child, or that shitty romantic comedy with Alec Baldwin.
Plus for the win: Plays a white woman who saves an African American teenager. Minus for the loss: Plays a Christian churchwoman who doesn't demand blood sacrifices like the one in The Mist.
Helen Mirren in “The Last Station”
Hardly seen, but Oscar voters like Mirren, and love costume dramas.
Carey Mulligan in “An Education”
Young actress shouldn't win for the first major role. It's becomes more of a curse than a blessing.
Gabourey Sidibe in “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire”
In this one's case a win won't hurt her career, because Hollywood honestly doesn't know what to do with her, except remake Precious over and over again.
Meryl Streep in “Julie & Julia”
Meryl has to be nominated. It's in the Academy rulebook. So it was either for playing Julia Child, or that shitty romantic comedy with Alec Baldwin.
Actress in a Supporting Role
Penélope Cruz in “Nine”
They had to nominate at least one actress from the movie with the most major female roles. Still won't win though.
Vera Farmiga in “Up in the Air”
She's new to the Oscar scene, and doesn't have the sort of novelty of some others, so her chances are slim.
Maggie Gyllenhaal in “Crazy Heart”
Space filler because of a dearth of decent roles for women in a lot of Hollywood movies.
Anna Kendrick in “Up in the Air”
Space filler.
Mo’Nique in “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire”
Will be the winner for playing a monstrous character with the potential for a whole new movie stereotype.
They had to nominate at least one actress from the movie with the most major female roles. Still won't win though.
Vera Farmiga in “Up in the Air”
She's new to the Oscar scene, and doesn't have the sort of novelty of some others, so her chances are slim.
Maggie Gyllenhaal in “Crazy Heart”
Space filler because of a dearth of decent roles for women in a lot of Hollywood movies.
Anna Kendrick in “Up in the Air”
Space filler.
Mo’Nique in “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire”
Will be the winner for playing a monstrous character with the potential for a whole new movie stereotype.
Animated Feature Film
“Coraline” Henry Selick
Visually stunning and creatively daring. Hasn't gotta chance.
“Fantastic Mr. Fox” Wes Anderson
Shouldn't win because all the voice-actors sounded like they were sleep walking.
“The Princess and the Frog” John Musker and Ron Clements
Feh.
“The Secret of Kells” Tomm Moore
No one saw it, no one will vote for it.
“Up” Pete Docter
Most scene, most praised, the one to beat.
Visually stunning and creatively daring. Hasn't gotta chance.
“Fantastic Mr. Fox” Wes Anderson
Shouldn't win because all the voice-actors sounded like they were sleep walking.
“The Princess and the Frog” John Musker and Ron Clements
Feh.
“The Secret of Kells” Tomm Moore
No one saw it, no one will vote for it.
“Up” Pete Docter
Most scene, most praised, the one to beat.
Directing
“Avatar” James Cameron
Downside: If Cameron wins he will achieve levels of insufferable egomania that could actually shift the structure of the universe. Upside: When he starts his Pandora cult in Guyana, we'll at least have all the Avatards in one place sipping Cameron's Kool Aid.
“The Hurt Locker” Kathryn Bigelow
Her winning will be Hollywood's royal fist-up to her ex-hubby Cameron. So she's my fave to win.
“Inglourious Basterds” Quentin Tarantino
He'll get nominated, but he won't win. He just rubs too many Academy voters the wrong way. Plus, if he wins, you just know Harvey Weinstein will try to rush the stage screaming "It's my precious!"
“Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” Lee Daniels
Nominated because it was so grim and depressing, but won't win because it was so grim and depressing.
“Up in the Air” Jason Reitman
They'll nominate him, but they won't let him win.
Downside: If Cameron wins he will achieve levels of insufferable egomania that could actually shift the structure of the universe. Upside: When he starts his Pandora cult in Guyana, we'll at least have all the Avatards in one place sipping Cameron's Kool Aid.
“The Hurt Locker” Kathryn Bigelow
Her winning will be Hollywood's royal fist-up to her ex-hubby Cameron. So she's my fave to win.
“Inglourious Basterds” Quentin Tarantino
He'll get nominated, but he won't win. He just rubs too many Academy voters the wrong way. Plus, if he wins, you just know Harvey Weinstein will try to rush the stage screaming "It's my precious!"
“Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” Lee Daniels
Nominated because it was so grim and depressing, but won't win because it was so grim and depressing.
“Up in the Air” Jason Reitman
They'll nominate him, but they won't let him win.
Best Picture
“Avatar” James Cameron and Jon Landau, Producers
Possesses that quality that Hollywood truly loves: Hypocrisy on a grand scale. A massive technological and commercial achievement that condemns technology and commerce, made by a self-professed "environmentalist" who lives in a mansion complex in Malibu whose construction condemned at least three species to extinction.
“The Blind Side” Nominees to be determined
Nominated because it's all about a white person who saves an African American person. Will lose because of its religious characters and themes, which many Academy voters think are scary.
“District 9” Peter Jackson and Carolynne Cunningham, Producers
Did well, was highly praised, and has the sort of nice anti-racism message that Academy voters love. Still won't win.
“An Education” Finola Dwyer and Amanda Posey, Producers
The accusations of Antisemitism will sink its chance to win.
“The Hurt Locker” Nominees to be determined
Biggest chance of winning is Academy voters remembering how insufferable James Cameron will be if Avatar wins.
“Inglourious Basterds” Lawrence Bender, Producer
This is just to get Harvey's hopes up, only to dash them upon the rocks. The Academy can be cruel.
“Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” Lee Daniels, Sarah Siegel-Magness and Gary Magness, Producers
Grim, depressing, and bleak. It has a shot at a win.
“A Serious Man” Joel Coen and Ethan Coen, Producers
Not a chance.
“Up” Jonas Rivera, Producer
Acclaimed, successful, and has characters that are more real than Avatar's human cast.
“Up in the Air” Daniel Dubiecki, Ivan Reitman and Jason Reitman, Producers
They'll nominate Reitman, but they won't let him win. He's just not the Academy's sort of filmmaker.
Possesses that quality that Hollywood truly loves: Hypocrisy on a grand scale. A massive technological and commercial achievement that condemns technology and commerce, made by a self-professed "environmentalist" who lives in a mansion complex in Malibu whose construction condemned at least three species to extinction.
“The Blind Side” Nominees to be determined
Nominated because it's all about a white person who saves an African American person. Will lose because of its religious characters and themes, which many Academy voters think are scary.
“District 9” Peter Jackson and Carolynne Cunningham, Producers
Did well, was highly praised, and has the sort of nice anti-racism message that Academy voters love. Still won't win.
“An Education” Finola Dwyer and Amanda Posey, Producers
The accusations of Antisemitism will sink its chance to win.
“The Hurt Locker” Nominees to be determined
Biggest chance of winning is Academy voters remembering how insufferable James Cameron will be if Avatar wins.
“Inglourious Basterds” Lawrence Bender, Producer
This is just to get Harvey's hopes up, only to dash them upon the rocks. The Academy can be cruel.
“Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” Lee Daniels, Sarah Siegel-Magness and Gary Magness, Producers
Grim, depressing, and bleak. It has a shot at a win.
“A Serious Man” Joel Coen and Ethan Coen, Producers
Not a chance.
“Up” Jonas Rivera, Producer
Acclaimed, successful, and has characters that are more real than Avatar's human cast.
“Up in the Air” Daniel Dubiecki, Ivan Reitman and Jason Reitman, Producers
They'll nominate Reitman, but they won't let him win. He's just not the Academy's sort of filmmaker.
Writing (Adapted Screenplay)
“District 9” Written by Neill Blomkamp and Terri Tatchell
Not gonna win.
“An Education” Screenplay by Nick Hornby
Too British, and yet, not British enough.
“In the Loop” Screenplay by Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Armando Iannucci, Tony Roche
Out of the running.
“Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” Screenplay by Geoffrey Fletcher
This film was based on a novel? Does anyone know what the novel was called and who wrote it?
“Up in the Air” Screenplay by Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner
Sorry Jason, no dice.
Not gonna win.
“An Education” Screenplay by Nick Hornby
Too British, and yet, not British enough.
“In the Loop” Screenplay by Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Armando Iannucci, Tony Roche
Out of the running.
“Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” Screenplay by Geoffrey Fletcher
This film was based on a novel? Does anyone know what the novel was called and who wrote it?
“Up in the Air” Screenplay by Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner
Sorry Jason, no dice.
Writing (Original Screenplay)
“The Hurt Locker” Written by Mark Boal
If Avatar sweeps this will be the consolation prize.
“Inglourious Basterds” Written by Quentin Tarantino
Sorry Quentin, too many Academy voters just don't like you.
“The Messenger” Written by Alessandro Camon & Oren Moverman
Token anti-war movie, won't win because no one saw it.
“A Serious Man” Written by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen
A serious chance of not winning.
“Up” Screenplay by Bob Peterson, Pete Docter, Story by Pete Docter, Bob Peterson, Tom McCarthy
Could be the upset winner.
That's what I think, what do you think?
If Avatar sweeps this will be the consolation prize.
“Inglourious Basterds” Written by Quentin Tarantino
Sorry Quentin, too many Academy voters just don't like you.
“The Messenger” Written by Alessandro Camon & Oren Moverman
Token anti-war movie, won't win because no one saw it.
“A Serious Man” Written by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen
A serious chance of not winning.
“Up” Screenplay by Bob Peterson, Pete Docter, Story by Pete Docter, Bob Peterson, Tom McCarthy
Could be the upset winner.
That's what I think, what do you think?
I WISH Up would win just because it seems like forever since a "happy" and "joyful" movie won the oscar (plus, it being animated might split the universe asunder)
ReplyDeleteYou know D, you listed to us what your predictions are, but where's who would win if you were in charge? Who would you vote for regardless of victory chances?
I actually gave up on "If I were in charge" Oscar fantasies a couple of years ago.
ReplyDeleteI'd be tempted to make up my own categories, like "Biggest Display of Hypocrisy," "Most Condescending Attitude" etc., etc....
And the Actress categories would just end up going to the best lays, and Judie Dench has enough awards as it is. ;)
The only Oscar Avatar should win is Best special effects. Everything else was mediocre at best.
ReplyDeleteIf this film does win best picture and best director, JAMES CAMERON will probably self destruct Michael Cimino Style. He already dodged two bullets with Titanic and then Avatar.
Penelope Cruz nominated for Nine? WTF, mate? I've seen Nine - she's in it for maybe three scenes at most. Her job is to slink around and look adorable (which she does) and nearly die. Oops, did I say that out loud?
ReplyDeleteShe's a good actress, and easy on the eyes to be sure. But that role is hardly Oscar material.
I'd be tempted to make up my own categories, like "Biggest Display of Hypocrisy," "Most Condescending Attitude" etc., etc....
ReplyDeleteWell don't hold back, D. That also sounds most entertaining.
OSCARS need to have
ReplyDeleteBiggest FLOP of the year
NOMS will include
Land of the Lost
Terminator Salvation
we can also include Most overpaid A-lister
Maybe the EMMY'S can have new categories like
Biggest reality Show douchebag/skank.
Jersey shore would have all the nominations at this point.
"[Fantastic Mr. Fox shouldn't] win because all the voice-actors sounded like they were sleep walking."
ReplyDeleteI think it's called "deadpan acting".
I just find it funny that some people think Cameron got 'snubbed' for Best Writer. I assume they haven't actually seen the movie.
ReplyDeleteNate- I'm just too lazy right now. Maybe if there's a slow news day closer to the actual awards I might let something like that drop.
ReplyDeleteWe at least need to have the "Full Retard award". For that Oscar hungry actor/actress that goes full retard and makes an ass of them self instead.
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised that you did not pose that article about some disabled group getting all PC whiny butt hurt because Disney has not had a handicapped Princess yet.
Thy could do a retarded imbecile Princess because if you studied the history of royalty, with all the inbreeding it would not be far from the truth.