Wednesday, 9 June 2010

10 Lame 1 Liners For A Slow News Day

Welcome to the show folks...

10. An adult movie company has announced that they're releasing a porn-parody of 80s sitcom The Golden Girls. Oh that Betty White, 88 years old and still a trooper for work.

9. An arrest warrant has been issued for actress Lindsay Lohan after her alcohol monitoring bracelet started singing "How Dry I Am."

8. NBC has put up special mannequin displays in Bloomindales stores to promote their TV shows. I bought a shirt off the Conan O'Brien mannequin, next thing I know someone's ripped it off my back, and slapped on a Jay Leno sweater.

7. A cast member of the Real Housewives of New Jersey has a sex tape. It was apparently released under the category of "Leather Fetishes" before folks realized she was naked.

6. The Weinstein Company has acquired Julian Schnabel's film Miral. Instead of posters they're just going to put the film's picture on milk cartons.

5. Spike TV has announced an upcoming show about dwarf wrestlers. Sorry, but I think this idea comes up a little short.

4. Shania Twain is now officially single. Which means she'll be creeping around my bushes again.

3. Brett Michaels the star of reality show Rock of Love is rumored to replace Simon Cowell as a judge on American Idol. From now on contestants will be judged on vocals, stage presence, song choices, and skankiness.

2. Scientists are saying that ancient neanderthals did not go extinct as first thought, but instead interbred with homo-sapiens. If you want proof the scientists suggest you watch reruns of COPS.

1. Director James Cameron has offered to help solve the Gulf Oil disaster by using his massive ego to plug the hole. His offer was rejected, because the sheer size of his ego could cause the sea level to rise and permanently swamp New Orleans.

Yup, this is what happens when biz news fails to put a wind up my kilt. Sorry, I'm sure I'll have something tomorrow. I promise.

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