Late August/early September is when most of Hollywood takes their little holiday break. Leaving poor bastards like me, who need their stupidity for blog material, in a lurch.
Lacking big items, I dug up some little items, and will snark about them. Enjoy.
IT'S CUISINE, BUT IT'S EXTREME!
Brit director Neill Marshall has inked a deal to direct a horror thriller about a chef caught up with secret underground supper clubs specializing in "extreme cuisine."
It's going to be about cannibalism. Sure, they'll deny it, but come on, unless it involves eating a hobo, it won't be any more horrifying than an episode of The Supersizers Go..., which can be pretty horrifying when they whip out the boiled calf's heads.
Now if they really wanted to do something really daring, they could go in this direction....
INT. UNDERGROUND SUPPER CLUB --NIGHTThen have the police raid the place for violating Bloomberg's food regulations, forcing our chef to go on the run, and you have yourself a thriller.
The decor is extremely louche and decadent. The diners are all wealthy fat cats and their gorgeous trophy wives, all elegantly dressed and wearing colorful masks in the style of an old Venetian Carnivale.
TROPHY WIFE- Oh the food here is so...
FAT CAT- Extreme?
TROPHY WIFE- Exactly.
FAT CAT- That was just the appetizer. Wait until you see the main course.
The CHEF comes out of the kitchen carrying a covered tray.
CHEF- Here is your extreme meal.
The Chef removes the cover with a flourish, everyone gasps in stunned awe because it's a pair of... CHEESEBURGERS & ONION RINGS.
FAT CAT- Egad, that is so extreme.
TROPHY WIFE- (biting onion ring) Oh my, I can taste the trans-fat. It is so--
FAT CAT- Extreme? (bites cheeseburger) Whoa, there's a flavor here that I remember, but I can't recall it's name.
CHEF- It's salt.
FAT CAT- This place is truly to most extreme dining experience in New York City.
UKFC REARRANGES THE LETTERS IN THEIR ACRONYM THEN DOES THAT TO THEMSELVES
Here's the situation. The UK Film Council is going to be shut down by the Tory/Lib-Dem coalition government, so what do they do?
The spend tens of thousands of pounds of their taxpayer provided funding to hire a Labor Party connected lobbying firm to fight for their survival.
For people in the film biz they don't know much about optics.
The Tories are shuttering them for being a home for partisan hacks suckling on the taxpayer's teat, they go ahead and drop a truckload of taxpayer money on Labor Party connected lobbyists.
If they spread a little of that royally printed cabbage to some Tory hacks, they might improve their chances, but now all they did was shoot themselves in the foot. I haven't seen such tactical brilliance since World War 1 where the generals thought it was sheer genius to march slowly into machine gun fire.
BBC CHIEF ATTACKS THE MURDOCHS FOR BEING.... SUCCESSFUL...
Oh Auntie Beeb.
The head of the network recently attacked Rupert Murdoch, his son James, and their Sky network for doing well and spending relatively little on domestic British programming.
I think the closest allegory to this situation is someone taking time to piss on their neighbor's lawn while their own house is on fire.
I don't need to make any sort of allegory to tell what old Rupert's reaction is. He is laughing all the way to the bank.
My suggestion to Mr. BBC Boss is that he forgets attacking the Murdoch family, because they'll just attack back, and get more viewers and make more money doing it, and try to find out why the BBC is doing so poorly against the burgeoning Sky Network. His mindset is still set in the 1950s and 1960s when the BBC had a virtual monopoly on national broadcasting and any private broadcaster had to do so at the pleasure of the ruling BBC bureaucrats.
It's called competition, try it, because even public broadcasters have to do it from time to time.