Tuesday 5 October 2010

Hollywood Babble On & On #607: Drippings From The Brain Pan

Welcome to the show folks....

Today a few seemingly random stories that caught my eye.

IS SNYDER GOING TO BE SUPER?

Zack Snyder the superhero cinema auteur behind such eye poppers as 300 and Watchmen has been tapped to direct the next Superman movie, under the supervision of producer Christopher "Dark Knight" Nolan.

I wish Mr. Snyder good luck with the film, and I'd like to offer the sort of advice only a smug know-it-all bastard like myself can provide.

MY ADVICE TO ZACK SNYDER

1. Don't let Jon Peters anywhere near this movie. That man pissed away $50 million and more than decade before a single frame of film was shot.

2. Forget the Richard Donner movie. I know, it's a classic in its own way, but this is your film and your moment. Bryan Singer's biggest error was marrying his vision to another man's film, and trying to make those crooked pieces fit.

3. Don't let it be all Superman vs Lex Luthor. I know the rumors say the villain will be General Zod, but don't be afraid to give Brainiac a chance, he's ready, he's hungry, and he's ready to kick butt.

4. Don't let Superman mope for one goddamn minute.

5. Never forget that no matter what your critics say, you are still a better choice than David E. Kelly ruining running Wonder Woman.

6. No owls in this movie please.

7. Casting Lois Lane is very important. She has to be plucky, brave, but avoid being annoying.

8. If you put nipples on Superman's suit, someone will need to be vigorously and repeatedly slapped.

9. Don't try to make Superman dark and gritty. He's all about hope and heroism not exploring the grim corners of the snake-pit of the human mind.

10. Save the slo-mo to regular speed effect that you love so much for really special moments. Just because you
can do it with every punch doesn't mean you should.

THE AUDIENCE HAS BEEN PUNK'D

The prank show from the ever grating Ashton Kutcher is coming back, this time it will be hosted by haircut kiddie pop sensation Justin Bieber.

My question: Why?

Oh, right, all those brain-dead brainwashed tweens who will watch or buy anything with his haircut plastered on it.

FILE THIS UNDER WELL D'UH

Peter Jackson will be directing The Hobbit.

That is, if the film ever gets made.

NOW YOU ARE ALL JUST MESSING WITH ME!

Yesterday I wrote about book publisher Macmillan getting into the movie biz, now resurrected movie producer Hammer Films are creating a Hammer publishing imprint in partnership with Random House.

Book people are making movies, movie people are making books! What's next, are dogs going to start cleaning up after themselves?
That's it, I give up.

1 comment:

  1. je pressman6/10/10 12:25 am

    I have just awakened from a dream/nightmare set in the future and in this dream movie theaters show mostly movies with super hero/comic book characters as the stars. Everyone is wearing a costume and they all look kindah silly but all the studio bosses wear these outfits as well. It's a world of inconsequentiality,Planet DOOFUS. Oh,and Justin Bieber looks like a cute girl.Love the hairdo.

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