Tuesday, 23 November 2010

Hollywood Babble On & On #636: Cautionary Tales For Stupid Children

Welcome to the show folks...

I normally avoid doing celebrity gossip, but this piece of news contains a nugget of wisdom nestled deep within the stupidity inherent within it. "Actress," "pop singer," and overall slutty dresser Taylor Momsen is being phased out of Gossip Girl, a series she's been a regular on since it started on the CW Network.

Now if you're like me, and the majority of the population of the planet, you probably haven't seen
Gossip Girl, and the odds are pretty good that you haven't heard of Senorita Momsen. I hadn't heard of her until Movieline ran this story about Project Runway host Tim Gunn giving the barely dressed raccoon eyed 17 year old a dressing down for being a "pathetic diva."

If you're too lazy to click the link, Gunn was brought on for a cameo on Gossip Girl, Momsen showed up late, didn't know her lines, didn't hit her marks and appeared to find gainful employment as a star of a TV show a bit fat boring inconvenience.

Now they've phased her out, effectively dropping her from the show.

Brilliant move.

You see it all boils down to this.

Time = Money.

The main thing that a production budget for a feature film buys you is time. The time to make the film the way you think it should be made. The more money you have, the more time you have to do the job.

TV is different. When you're doing a weekly hour long drama series and have to grind out anywhere between 20-25 episodes each season it doesn't matter how much money you have, your time is limited, extremely limited. You have to essentially produce half a feature film in the sort time usually spent deciding what color tie Richard Gere should wear in the courtroom scene.

When it comes to TV you must be efficient and you must be fast. You have to get the episode done, and be onto the next one before the ink dries on the script.

If you're an actor on such a show the same formula holds true. You are paid for your time, in the hope that your efforts would make their investment in buying your time profitable. When you show up late, chat on you cell phone, miss your marks, and don't know your lines, you are going beyond being an investment to being a liability.

A certain level of forgiveness can be earned if your show gets great ratings. Because then you're still an investment, even if you eat into their profit margin a little, but act like that on a show like Gossip Girl, whose ratings never matched the hype that it got, and you're on a one way track to Nowheresville, population 2, you and Mischa Barton.

As a TV actor the only thing you can do to your career that's worse than being considered a liability on set is cutting off your mother's head with a samurai sword, and even then it's because your time in prison and mental hospitals will eat into your production time.

Now I don't think Fraulein Momsen will be decapitating anyone soon, that would require effort and hand-eye coordination that goes beyond applying eye-makeup with a paint-roller. However, I do think that she's pretty much ruined her acting career.

Expect things to get worse when she turns 18 and word gets out that she was fired from her sex tape for showing up late and not remembering her lines. Then a contestant spot on House-painting With The Stars, from which she'll get fired for huffing paint fumes and getting into a fight with a second tier cable reality TV star because the cable star got recognized more often.

So take in this cautionary tale kiddies, especially those of you who want to be a actor. Because while it's a great job to be a highly paid TV star, it's still a job, and to keep that job you have to act like a professional.


  1. Whe have a guy doing a katana decap attack on his own mother and Momsen acting like a diva bitch and Demi Lovato is the one in REHAB?

    Despite her issues it was a miracle that Demi was even able to still work and attain a level of professionalism in midst of all the limelight and stress.

    Momsen and ninja boy need treatment, Demi needed a vacation.

  2. Then again at least Demi realized she had issues and decided to deal with them. In turn will probably help her popularity and career overall as when she return to work she will do it as a courageous conquering hero.

  3. That actually explains a lot. Just about everything you read on the show "Supernatural" says that the main actors of that show work like dogs (then again, they are from Texas) and give 110%.

    Oh, speaking of Gossip Girl, you might enjoy this trope D. GG is apparently HUGE in China.