Wednesday, 25 May 2011

Hollywood Babble On & On #731: Random Drippings From My Brain Pan

The news isn't getting my dander up today, at least not in the meaningful, analytical way you come to expect from me.

So I'm just going to do some little bits, maybe some snark, and anything else that drips out of my brain pan.


The Finder, a spin-off of forensic crime show Bones, is recasting their female lead. They're ditching Saffron Burrows and looking for someone new.

Now I saw the stealth pilot they planted into an episode of
Bones and realized that the problem is not with the actress, but with the character. If you didn't see it the show will center on Walter Sherman, played by Geoff Stults, a former military policeman who now works as a private investigator specializing in finding anything or anyone. He's helped, in the pilot at least, by his "legal advisor" Leo Knox (Michael Clarke Duncan), and the sassy sexy bartender and pilot Ike Latulippe (the aforementioned Burrows).

Now what is supposed to make this show different from other procedurals and P.I. shows is that the titular Finder suffered a head injury in Iraq. His ability to figure out clues and process information is heightened, but his social skills, are pretty much dead. He's rude, insensitive, and pretty much incapable of being diplomatic, which means his usually dryly sarcastic partner Leo Knox has to smooth a lot of ruffled feathers.

Now this is where Saffron Burrows got the short of the character stick. Her character was portrayed as "tough" and "sassy." So you have the unlikable and unsociable lead, a diplomatic, but dryly sarcastic partner, and a tough and sassy dame that has a tattoo to prove it. That creates a troika of cynicism, a triumvirate of harsh, and that hurt the pilot. The character needs to be a counterweight, a ray of polite and sweet looking sunshine that happens to be hiding a hunk of iron re-bar.

Putting another actress in the same outfit will just repeat the mistake that cost Miss Burrows her job.


Law & Order: SVU star Chris Meloni will not be returning to what used to be the most stable cast in the history of the Law & Order franchise. Now folks are asking who should replace him, personally, I don't know. I used to be a loyal fan of all the L&Os but now I find myself only occasionally watching Law & Order: Criminal Intent partially because I liked the actors on the show, and when the case looks particularly lurid.

Since I have long given up my L&O expert card I'm asking you who still watch the show: Who should replace Meloni?


The Parents Television Council once again provided free publicity, this time for the Billboard Music Awards, comparing it to a "Vegas stripper show."

This only confirms my theory that the PTC is just a scam set up by publicists to get their clients names in the papers. I mean they kept up the Janet Jackson nip-slip nonsense going for years. Freaking years. Sure, it's the only thing that's kept her career on life support, but the madness must stop.

If PTC is real, then they're not the brightest berries on the bush because they don't know about the law of unintended consequences. By attempting publicly shame the unclean for their sins they have given them something they want even more: lots and lots of media attention. So you get them doing things like having a sexed up duet between two singers whose careers haven't been quite as sizzling as they were just a short time ago for an awards show that normally hardly anyone watched. The media goes along because they love mixing puritan condemnation with repeated airings of the so-called "offensive" material.

So please, shut the hell up. The networks won't turn into hardcore porn stations without you on their backs. In fact, if they do, it will be only because you made them do it.


If you watched
Doctor Who: The Rebel Flesh, you are watching humans fighting copies on an isolated island that's even more isolated because of a solar storm. Now I have a theory about the ending, but I don't want to spoil it for fans if I turn out to be right. So I'm putting it here, in white letters that you can highlight if you want to read it.

Here's my theory:
The TARDIS is stuck in a sinkhole, surrounded by acid is leaking all over the place, burning up everything on the island the humans and the "gangers" fight and chase each other, leaving only a few survivors, including the Doctor, Amy & Rory. They find a way to reach the TARDIS, open the door and find the real Doctor, Amy, Rory and the island's human crew taking shelter from the storm and the acid. Turns out they were all gangers. This revelation hits just as the acid overtakes them, leaving the people in the TARDIS with no clue as to what happened outside their doors.

That's my theory, let's see if I'm right!

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