Sunday 24 July 2011

Hollywood Babble On & On #769: Another Name For My List

If you're a long time reader of my blog you probably know that I have a pet peeve for a certain type of film. Chiefly 90% of non-James Bond spy thrillers that come out of Hollywood.

Why?

Because, as I wrote here before, they all have the same goddamn plot. If you're too lazy to click the link here's a summary: Some secret agent/special forces soldier/assassin/other kind of elite butt kicker, or combination thereof if it's about a group, is betrayed and marked for death by his former secret squirrel spy-masters (usually some variation of the CIA) for reasons that make sense only to said masters, and forced to run around kicking ass until they're completely ass kicked out.

It's been done to death in movies like...

Hanna
Salt
Red
The A-Team
Green Zone
The Losers
The Bourne Identity
The Bourne Supremacy
The Bourne Ultimatum
Shooter
Mission: Impossible 1
The Long Kiss Goodnight

And that's just a partial list compiled from my fragmented and possibly demented memory.

Now we can add Steven Soderbergh's next movie the thriller Haywire.



I find it hard to believe the reports that say that Soderbergh's not going to retire, because this film looks like he's already retiring from original storytelling.

Anyway the reasons I get so pissed about it is that it's a rare combination of being:

1. Politically correct by refusing to have a "foreign" or "ethnic" villain for fear of offending anyone in a potentially profitable international markets.

2. Sort of racist because in these movies no "foreign" or "ethnic" villain can possibly be a match for a usually white American hero, and any that do appear, are merely the ignorant puppets of some sinister middle aged white guy in a suit.

And let's remember that it's--

3. Really, really, really lazy writing because it's been done to death already and requires no effort or imagination to create. Just drop a little nonsensical dialogue onto the same plot as the last movie, and leave everything else to the stunt coordinators and their crews.

The only spy thrillers that don't involve the hero having to fight their own government usually involve British spies like James Bond or George Smiley. I know Hollywood thinks it's a fresh twist on the genre, and maybe it was... in post Watergate 1973, but that was a very long time ago. It's time to try something fresh, like having spies fight spies from other countries. That's such an original idea Hollywood will never touch it.

I wish they would, because I'm sick and tired of rewriting this damn post every goddamn time.

7 comments:

  1. What do you think of the Derek Flint movies from the 60's?

    Starred James Coburn as the master (American) spy Derek Flint and intended as direct competition to the James Bond franchise. There were only two of them, if I recall correctly, which I do because I have the DVD collection. :)

    Personally, I like them even if I do think them a teensy bit over the top. Certainly no more over the top than the later Bond movies.

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  2. The Great Money Movie used to run them when I was a kid. I remember them as being funny spoofs. but I don't know if I'd still like them because I was 10 years old at the time.

    I might need to see them again someday.

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  3. Spot on master D. I think "the Expendables" bucked the trend a little, though it still had an American asshole in the villain role (he was just acting separate from the government I think).

    I'm also concerned about this increasing need to demonstrate women with improper fighting techniques. Not that I think women are total weaklings - but as anyone who's spent even a single day sparing can tell you: size matters in fight. The moves the above lady pulls off will probably do more to break her own bones than slow many guys down. A realistic (non-sexist) demonstration would be - Jet Li vs Dolph Lundgen [sp?] in... The Expendables. Men would have to be a lot smaller (probably not if they're trained soldiers, cops, agents, etc) and the woman would have to be a lot bulkier (past the point its generally attractive in society) to even approach some of these happenings.

    Which is a shame because I LIKE that style of fighting. It's one of the things that attracted me to Burn Notice. (well... I don't know if Fi does it much, but Michael Weston does quite frequently) You have to wonder sometimes what lessons might be unintentionally parted thanks to these movies.

    It's time to try something fresh, like having spies fight spies from other countries. That's such an original idea Hollywood will never touch it.

    I'll be stealing this line shamelessly for a later post about how conspiracies just don't seem to have any impact any more. (do they? is it just me?) We've created a society so built around "trust no one" that everybody expects betrayal in every story.

    Also, you ever going to get around to my question about release dates? ;)

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  4. Nate--

    I thought I discussed release dates in one of my posts about distribution. Timing is everything in showbiz.

    I'll check my stuff & get around to it when I'm feeling ambitious. ;-)

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  5. I thought I discussed release dates in one of my posts about distribution. Timing is everything in showbiz.

    Have you done so in the past? Of course! (doesn't mean we don't crave a sequel) (At least I don't think you've done a post since I last asked the question. Time for an archive binge! - which will be easy since it was last week.)

    What I'm mostly curious about is: since timing is everything in showbiz, why are studios and others so extremely bad at it? It would seem like this would be the one aspect they would work hardest at and (almost) excel at.

    It'd be like me - working in IT - not knowing how to operate a mouse.

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  6. Blast Hardcheese25/7/11 11:56 am

    So, D, can we call you the Lord High Executioner, since You Have a Little List? :)

    I had such hopes for Haywire. Using an authentic female a**-kicker was inspired, instead of these waif-clones that look like they couldn't even lift their own arms. Oh well.

    I don't understand why they don't use narco-terrorists as the Big Bad in these things. The cartels have freakin' TANKS in real life. Don't tell me you can't do something with that.

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  7. I don't understand why they don't use narco-terrorists as the Big Bad in these things. The cartels have freakin' TANKS in real life. Don't tell me you can't do something with that.

    That would draw attention to an actual problem that the powers that be would very much like to ignore.

    Hollywood supports the current powers that be. You think they're going to put out anything that undermines 'The Narrative'?

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