I actually watched some of the Oscars last night, but since I live in a screwy time zone, sleep overtook me before I watched too much of it.
But here is a list of the winners, with appropriate commentary by me:
86TH ANNUAL ACADEMY AWARDS WINNERS
PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Jared Leto in “Dallas Buyers Club” (Focus Features)
Leto won for a transformative role as a transgender AIDS patient, and, judging by his appearance at the show, plans to walk across the pool at the Beverly Hilton.
ACHIEVEMENT IN COSTUME DESIGN
“The Great Gatsby” (Warner Bros.) Catherine Martin
The costumes were purty.
ACHIEVEMENT IN MAKEUP AND HAIRSTYLING
“Dallas Buyers Club” (Focus Features) Adruitha Lee and Robin Mathews
The fact that the entire makeup/hair budget was $250 should be seen as a lesson to the studios when it comes to spending.
BEST ANIMATED SHORT FILM
Didn't see it.
BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM OF THE YEAR
“Frozen” (Walt Disney) Chris Buck, Jennifer Lee and Peter Del Vecho
Congrats Disney for winning, the frozen head of Walt must be beaming.
ACHIEVEMENT IN VISUAL EFFECTS
“Gravity” (Warner Bros.) Tim Webber, Chris Lawrence, Dave Shirk and Neil Corbould
With the way the VFX industry is going I have to say congratulations, and my deepest sympathies for your inevitable bankruptcy.
BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM
“Helium” An M & M Production Anders Walter and Kim Magnusson
They hope to follow in the footsteps of past winners like… that guy… you know, his hair was a colour, always wore a shirt.
BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT
“The Lady In Number 6: Music Saved My Life”
A Reed Entertainment Production Malcolm Clarke and Nicholas Reed
BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
“20 Feet From Stardom” (RADiUS-TWC)
A Gil Friesen Productions and Tremolo Production Morgan Neville, Gil Friesen and Caitrin Rogers
BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM OF THE YEAR
“The Great Beauty” (Janus Films) – Italy An Indigo Film Production
ACHIEVEMENT IN SOUND MIXING
“Gravity” (Warner Bros.) Skip Lievsay, Niv Adiri, Christopher Benstead and Chris Munro
PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Lupita Nyong’o in “12 Years A Slave” (Fox Searchlight)
She's beautiful, talented, and John Travolta pronounced her name "Debbie Johnson." Right now Hollywood is eagerly making plans to pigeonhole her career into oblivion.
ACHIEVEMENT IN CINEMATOGRAPHY
“Gravity” (Warner Bros.) Emmanuel Lubezki
Travolta called this guy Steve Collins. I'm starting to worry about him.
ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM EDITING
“Gravity” (Warner Bros.) Alfonso Cuarón and Mark Sanger
ACHIEVEMENT IN PRODUCTION DESIGN
“The Great Gatsby” (Warner Bros.) Production Design: Catherine Martin; Costume Design: Beverley Dunn
ACHIEVEMENT IN MUSIC WRITTEN FOR MOTION PICTURES (ORIGINAL SCORE)
“Gravity” (Warner Bros.) Steven Price
ACHIEVEMENT IN MUSIC WRITTEN FOR MOTION PICTURES (ORIGINAL SONG)
“Let It Go” from “Frozen” (Walt Disney) Music and Lyric by Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez
And sung by Idina Menzel, who despite the spelling her name will now be pronounced Adele Nazeem.
SCIENTOLOGY HAS DECREED IT!
“12 Years A Slave” (Fox Searchlight) Screenplay by John Ridley
“Her” (Warner Bros.) Written by Spike Jonze
The story of a man in love with his iPhone. Sad ending when the update causes her to have an affair with his neighbour's cable box.
ACHIEVEMENT IN DIRECTING
“Gravity” (Warner Bros.) Alfonso Cuarón
Travolta pronounces his name as Guido Hassenfeffer. This is probably a symptom of something.
PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE
Cate Blanchett in “Blue Jasmine” (Sony Pictures Classics)
You know what this means: HOLLYWOOD ENDORSES SEXUAL ABUSE!
PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
Matthew McConaughey in “Dallas Buyers Club” (Focus Features)
BEST MOTION PICTURE OF THE YEAR
“12 Years a Slave” (Fox Searchlight) A River Road, Plan B, New Regency Production Brad Pitt, Dede Gardner, Jeremy Kleiner, Steve McQueen and Anthony Katagas, Producers
It's about time that Hollywood has finally taken a stand against slavery. Anyway, I think director Steve McQueen has been cheated. I mean, he's been working in Hollywood since the 1950s and has never won an Oscar, not even for his iconic performance as an actor in Bullitt.