Hollywood Babble On & On #1165: Just Plain Rotten...

NBC/Universal/Comcast is airing the sequel to last year's Shartnado and giving it loads of hype based almost entirely on the fact that's it's an intentionally bad movie populated with has-beens and never-weres, crappy special effects and poorly written dialogue.

If there's one thing that makes me despair for civilization it's that.

Then, amidst all the Shartnado hype I saw this tweet by producer Keith Calder:

Testify brother!

Watching a deliberately bad movie doesn't do anyone any good. It causes a general lowering of the standards in an era where filmmakers and even networks has to pursue high standards if they're going to hold on to their dwindling audience share. I need more than just schadenfreude to make me invest my time in a movie where no effort was made to at least try for quality.

I will respect someone who at least tries to make a decent movie, and fails due to deficiencies in resources or talent, than someone who has the resources, but just lazily slaps together a deliberately inane story, tosses in some bad jokes, and declares it an ironic metatextual masterpiece.

That's bullshit.

However that bullshit seems to be spreading like a virus, the kind of virus you find in bullshit.

To escape the hype, and because I love classic Hollywood history I tuned into a TCM documentary on producer Val Lewton.

No, not Val Kilmer.

I'm talking about Val Lewton.

Val Lewton started out as a novelist, but chafed at being labelled a "pulp fiction" creator, and followed his mother and sister who were already working in Hollywood.

After time spent as David O. Selznick's right hand man he took an offer to produce his own films at RKO, one of the smallest of the major studios.

RKO was jealous of Universal's success with their monster movies. They wanted Lewton to make horror movies for RKO, but at a fraction of the budgets Universal was using on their movies.

Since Universal had just had a hit with The Wolf-Man the boss at RKO gave Lewton a title, Cat People, and the commission to get everything, from story to script to screen, done for less than $130,000.

That was between 1/2 to 1/4 the budget Universal was spending on their monster movies. While RKO wanted cheap imitations, that wasn't Lewton's style, so he created a philosophy that took horror into a more mature, literate, and philosophical direction.

You can break it down like this:

1. Shadows, and implied horror is your friend, use it. If you can't create a scary realistic monster, DON'T SHOW IT.

2. The film should still be scary even if the supernatural element turns out to be nothing but someone's delusion. He even went so far as to make a vampire movie that doesn't have a vampire.

3. What you lack in budget and spectacle you must make up for in quality of story and storytelling.

At first this philosophy scared RKO, but then the rentals for Cat People started flowing in, putting the struggling company in the black. So they decided to cut Lewton some slack as long as he stayed within his tiny budgets. 

Over the next few years Lewton promoted the careers of directors Jacques Tourneur, Robert Wise, and Mark Robson, and even passed on doing bigger "A" pictures for RKO when it meant giving up the team he created and the freedom he enjoyed. He made Jane Eyre into a hit zombie movie, something that's unimaginable in any other situation.

So why am I rambling on like this?

We live in the age of CGI where we can show everything and the sole reason for showing everything is because we can show everything. Too many horror and science fiction films, especially low budget ones, settle for crappy CGI and ironic posturing claiming they're being creative when they're just being lazy.

The audience is fractured and fragmented, and while you might be able to amuse the slow-witted and those who like to look down on the slow-witted with the occasional Shartnado type schlock-fest, the only way you can win a truly lasting audience, is if you offer them more than a really corny log-line composed of random things you pull from a hat.

In other words: Be like Lewton and put some effort into it.

Hollywood Babble On & On #1164: Colbert's Crony Cash & Comic Book Colour Schemes

COLBERT'S CRONY CASH

New York is giving the CBS network about $16 million in tax breaks and other political goodies in order to keep The Late Show at New York's Ed Sullivan Theatre when Stephen Colbert takes over.

One has to ask an important question: WHY?

And the answer: BECAUSE IT'S THERE!

One thing I've learned from growing up in a "have not" area is that governments love to look like they're doing something to create jobs. So they love giving breaks and sometimes cash payoffs to politically connected companies.

It's not their money, it's taken from the pockets of working taxpayers, so the politicians think: "Why not give it away, it makes it look like I'm doing something about unemployment."

The companies come in two varieties, either they need the money to do something, or they don't need the money. Now here's the twist in the tale: Both kinds of companies will take the money.

The ones that need it will take it to stave off bankruptcy until they get another bailout. The ones that don't need it will take it, because they like to make money, and will not turn down other people's money.

The thing is that Colbert himself should have asked CBS to pass on the deal, and here's why:

1. CBS is a massive corporation that makes massive amounts of money.

2. Colbert is a very wealthy man, having made $6 million a year on his Comedy Central show, and will probably eventually make even more on the main network.

3. New York, city and state, are having a tough time financially thanks to an exodus of industrial jobs, and are looking at not only the usual budget deficits, but a massive fiscal bomb in the form of unfunded pensions and benefits for public employees.

4. There are only two cities where you can viably run a nightly celebrity based talk show: New York and Los Angeles. Any other place and you'll have a hard time booking guests without paying out big money for travel/hotel expenses.

5. CBS probably has no intention to leave New York. They've invested heavily in the facilities they already have there, and it would probably cost them more money and hassle to move to Los Angeles.

6. I doubt Stephen Colbert has any interest in moving to Los Angeles.

7. Colbert has made his name as a political comedian, and, as a Late Show host, is required to make political jokes. Yet here he is taking taxpayer's money from politicians. The optics behind that are really, really bad. He's no longer the teller of the joke, he's the punchline.

So New York just gave away money they couldn't afford to a company that doesn't need it, so they wouldn't do something they probably weren't planning to do anyway.

That ain't right.

________________

COMIC BOOK COLOUR SCHEMES

They introduced the new Wonder Woman played by Israeli actress Gal Gadot at the San Diego Comic Con and here she is:

She looks the part, and since she has 2 years in the Israeli army she can probably take care of herself in a fight, but I have one quibble:

Colour

Where is it?

Seriously, everything is brown, brown, and brown.

Where is the gold, the blue, the red, and the white?

One of the reasons we were drawn to comics as kids is the fact that they were bright and colourful. And while I like doing gritty and realistic where appropriate, I don't think it's appropriate with Wonder Woman. She's magical and fantastical by nature and should *pop* on screen as an island of vivid hues amid the grit and grey tell us that.

I hope the plan is to have her adapt her traditional colour scheme during the course of the film.

We're not shooting the damn thing in black and white, so why not use colour to its fullest.

Hollywood Babble On & On #1163: Pros & Cons: Movie To TV & TV to Movie!

Today is all about remakes, one is a movie being made into a TV show, and the other is a TV show being made into a movie.

So let's take a look…

MOVIE INTO A TV SHOW

Back in the 1970s author, screenwriter and director Michael Crichton made Westworld, a science fiction thriller about an amusement park populated by human looking robots that go batshit and kill all but one of the tourists.

The film was a modest success for MGM, became a bit of a cult film through reruns on TV, and spawned a sequel Futureworld, and a short lived TV flop Beyond Westworld, where the robots expanded their plans from simple slaughter to world domination.

Well now Westworld is coming back, as a TV series for HBO, from JJ Abrams Bad Robot Productions and Jonathan Nolan and Lisa Joy Nolan, and will star Anthony Hopkins and Evan Rachel Wood.

Let's look at the PROS & CONS!!

PROS:

1. NOLAN & CO.:  Jonathan Nolan, brother and frequent collaborator of director Christopher Nolan, is the creator/showrunner of Person of Interest. On the surface Person of Interest is a crime procedural with a sci-fi twist and a dash of paranoia. It's about an ex-CIA agent and a billionaire fugitive computer genius who tackle crimes they are alerted to by a vast and powerful AI known only as The Machine.

Beneath that surface it's an in depth study not only of its damaged characters struggling to do right in a world that often doesn't appreciate their efforts because it often involves doing wrong. It's also an extremely intelligent handling of the subject of the creation of artificial intelligence, how it would affect society, and the importance of ethical and moral thinking.

Nolan is also a master of the "arc" style of TV storytelling. POI will present a mystery or a problem whose solution isn't readily apparent, plant clues throughout the run, then put all those clues together in a satisfactory conclusion, and move on to another story arc that had been seeded during the previous arc. It's a masterpiece of long-form episodic-TV story-telling.

So I have some pretty good expectations on the story front.

2. CAST: Academy Award winner Anthony Hopkins has signed on to play the lead as the head of the resort who sees his pleasure island as a means to forwarding his groundbreaking research, and Evan Rachel Wood is playing an android who gains self-awareness and changes everything for good or ill.

CONS:

1. JJ ABRAMS: While Nolan seems to have mastered the long-form episodic TV epic, Abrams almost killed it through the other shows produced under the Bad Robot banner. Just about every show he produced were built around mysteries, and after the end of Lost, audiences soon realized that outside of Person of Interest they didn't know the answers to the mysteries they were asking the audience to watch. It's why POI is the only Bad Robot produced show currently left on the air.

2. HBO: I'm not talking about how it's a pay-cable service that I can't afford to get, or how it will hype flops like Girls, as if it was a blockbuster because it gets the execs invites to New York's better dinner parties, I'm going to talk about indulgence.

As a pay-TV network HBO is not subject to FCC regulations when it comes to sex, violence, or offensive language.

And that's the problem.

Too many times HBO does things because they can do them, without thinking over whether or not they should do them.

I figure the conversations between HBO Execs and Showrunners go something like this:

HBO BOSS: You're show is getting lots of viewers and attracting new subscribers with every episode. 

SHOWRUNNER: That's great. 

HBO BOSS: Toss in more tits, and some rape scenes, lots of rape scenes. 

SHOWRUNNER: We're a family sitcom… 

HBO BOSS: Then it's gonna need some incest. 

Let's hope that someone senior at HBO clues in that they don't have to go too far just because they can.

TV SHOW INTO A MOVIE

Will Ferrell and frequent collaborator Adam McKay are collaborating with Sony Animation on a feature film based on the 80s TV show Manimal.

If you don't remember Manimal, it was a short lived series on NBC starring British actor Simon McCorkindale as a rich handsome doctor who can shape-shift into animal he wanted, without losing or ripping his clothing.

Here's the opening for the show, which explained the premise every damn time…

Now let's look at the PROS & CONS!

PROS:

I'm stumped.

No wait, I've got one…

The studio probably already owns the rights…?

No, still stumped.

CONS:

1. STAR:  Will Ferrell has a lot of fans in Hollywood.

Not so much outside of Hollywood though.

His box office peaked with Elf, and outside of lending his voice to animated films, his movies tend to cost more and earn less as time goes by. Fans will point to Anchorman 2 making $127 million on a $50 million budget as a sign that he's back, but I beg to differ.

So much was spent relentlessly hyping Anchorman 2, I'm pretty sure it exceeded the production budget, and that in the end, the film lost money. If they have to make everyone sick of the sight of him just to hit $127 million, that's a losing proposition.

2. ANIMATION?: The big selling point of the original Manimal was that it was a live action show that would have multiple live action transformations of its star into various animals and how complex and freaky those special effects would be.

Since the deal is with Sony Animation, I assume, at risk of making an ass of you and me, that the movie version will be animated. If it is animated, then the transformations won't be all that impressive.

3. THE SOURCE MATERIAL: The practical special effects of the original Manimal were a big selling point.

But the series didn't sell.

It tanked.

It flopped.

Badly.

Those who remember it, remember it for being a cheesy flop that probably badly hurt its lead's career, and almost crippled the network that aired it.

Would you want to risk $50-$120 million on a property most closely associated with creative and financial failure with a lead whose appeal is iffy at best?

That's what I think, let me know what you think in the comments.

Hollywood Babble On & On #1162: Beggars-Choosers-Chose

Nikki Finke is reporting that Indian Paintbrush Films, the production company founded by billionaire Steve Rales, is rewriting their mission statement. 

When it was founded in 2006 the company's mission was to acquire and produce "filmmaker driven" independent projects. Well, they're still doing that, but according to Nikki, they're cutting down to only two filmmakers Wes Anderson and Jason Reitman.

The thing that struck me was that Indian Paintbrush wasn't making any official announcement about being solely in the Anderson/Reitman business, and there are reasons for that, but I sort of wished they would.

First let's look at the reason, not for the cutback, but why they wouldn't announce it, and will probably publicly deny it.

They won't announce it because if you're a producer who publicly admits that they're only going to work with 2 filmmakers, and only those 2 filmmakers, you're going to lose a lot in the ass kissing department.

Folks like to divide people in Hollywood to Beggars and Choosers. Filmmakers and writers are the Beggars, naturally, but there are two levels of Choosers.

Producers/financiers are the first tier of Choosers. Filmmakers have to kiss their ass, but in turn there is a higher level of Chooser, the people who run the studios and independent distributors.

Now imagine that you are a Chooser, of the lower tier, and you formally announce that you're no longer looking at anything or anyone outside of the two people you're already doing business with.

Suddenly you're no longer a Chooser, you Chose, and then why should any mere beggar waste their time dealing with you, or even bothering to be nice to you when there's literally nothing in it for them?

It's a great way to get dropped from a lot of guest lists.

Now I'm going to tell you why I would like them, if the report is true, to make a formal announcement:

I like honesty.

All companies form cliques, little groups of people who get special treatment because of their relationships with the people who run the company. This is especially true of independent companies, because they're much smaller, and interpersonal relationships between exec and filmmaker are so much closer.

I would just like to see someone admit it and make it official for once.

Thanks

Just a quick note of thanks to author and critic Lars Walker of Brandywine Books.Net who gave my first novel JOE AVERAGE a very good review.

Thanks Lars.

Tell all your friends, family, relatives, and even your enemies.

I need the sales. ;-)

The free e-book giveaway's done, but JOE AVERAGE is still available for $2.99 from Amazon and the trade paperback edition is 17% off too.

Help support the blog and get some entertainment out of it too.

Thanks.

Hollywood Babble On & On #1161: The Thor Thex Thange

Marvel has announced that big manly Thor, star of comics, movies, and animated TV shows is now out, and will be replaced by a female Thor, sparking some to ask if movie Thor Chris Hemsworth should fear for his job.

Marvel also announced that this is a permanent change driven by serious creative considerations.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

That's so full of grade A horse-shit I could fertilize an entire farm with it.

Let's look at the facts:

FACT #1: Chris Hemsworth doesn't have to fear for his job. 

The change is occurring in the comics.

What happens in the comics doesn't count anymore because kids don't read comics.

What matters happen in the movies and the TV shows, because that's what the kids are looking at and basing their merchandise purchasing decisions on. 

FACT #2: This will not be permanent.

Like the deaths of Superman, Wolverine, Bucky, and countless other character this will not last.

I'll bet dollars to donuts that old male Thor will be back in business in time for Age of Ultron's release because Marvel will not sacrifice those crossover marketing dollars so long after the hype over the switch dies down.

They will either kill off the female Thor, or give her another magic hammer, a new name, and pawn her off on some B-list team, or just let her fade away.

There will not be a female Thor movie with Katee Sackhoff.

Sorry, it'll never happen.

FACT #3: The foundations of this change is not based on serious creative considerations, but on a hunger for publicity, and a fundamental hypocrisy.

The comics industry knows that killing off a character or changing their gender is a great way to score free publicity from news outlets who normally don't give a Wolverine's whisker for comics and superheroes.

They also know that changing a male character to female is a good tactical move. Anyone who complains about it can be shouted down as "sexist" "misogynist" and otherwise horrible.

But who is really the sexist one in the conversation here?

Let's look at just a sampling of Marvel's past treatment of women:

This is the most modest outfit in the bunch.

What's the point of a space-suit that let's the astronaut's boobs hang out?

Is her superpower a super stretchy torso & light show?

It's CLEAVAGE, featuring superheroes.

And there's tons more. There are literally whole websites dedicated to the sexist hyper-sexualized  and physic/anatomy defying portrayals of women in comic books.

But, make Thor a woman for a little while, and all seems to be forgiven, and the folks who green lit those images are treated like they're the vanguard of the women's rights movement.

That's not insane, it inane, because it seems to fool people EVERY DAMN TIME.

If you honestly believe that Marvel's going to make the Thor change permanent, and that they're great feminists at heart, you shouldn't be allowed outside without wearing a helmet.

Please, if you don't stop falling for these stunts, they're going to keep doing them, to cover up the fact that the comics industry is hell-bent on burning itself into the ground.

Hollywood Babble On & On #1160: 2 TV Tidbits!

The Emmy Nominations are out, let's take a look:

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series

Bryan Cranston, “Breaking Bad”

Kevin Spacey, “House of Cards”

Jon Hamm, “Mad Men”

Jeff Daniels, “The Newsroom”

Woody Harrelson, “True Detective”

Matthew McConaughey, “True Detective”

If McConaughey wins he will be halfway to getting the EGOT, the Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony. Which means that he is going to go through with his plan write, direct, produce and star in a Broadway musical called All Right All Right All Right!

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series

Michelle Dockery, “Downton Abbey”

Julianna Margulies, “The Good Wife”

Claire Danes, “Homeland”

Robin Wright, “House of Cards”

Lizzy Caplan, “Masters of Sex”

Kerry Washington, “Scandal”

For the second time in a row the Emmys have snubbed Canadian actress Tatiana Maslany, star of Orphan Black, who just about everyone agrees tops all the other nominees by not only giving one good lead performance per episode, but anywhere between three to a dozen distinctive performances per episode.

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Miniseries or a Movie

Chiwetel Ejiofor, “Dancing on the Edge”

Martin Freeman, “Fargo”

Billy Bob Thornton, “Fargo”

Idris Elba, “Luther”

Mark Ruffalo, “The Normal Heart”

Benedict Cumberbatch, “Sherlock: His Last Vow”

If nerd-girls voted for Emmys, it would be Cumberbatch's hands down. But since they don't, it's a toss up, at least to me.

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Miniseries or a Movie

Jessica Lange, “American Horror Story: Coven”

Sarah Paulson, “American Horror Story: Coven”

Helena Bonham Carter, “Burton and Taylor”

Minnie Driver, “Return to Zero”

Kristen Wiig, “The Spoils of Babylon”

Cicely Tyson, “The Trip to Bountiful”

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series

Jim Parsons, “The Big Bang Theory”

Ricky Gervais, “Derek”

Matt LeBlanc, “Episodes”

Don Cheadle, “House of Lies”

Louis C.K., “Louie”

William H. Macy, “Shameless”

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series

Lena Dunham, “Girls”

Melissa McCarthy, “Mike & Molly”

Edie Falco, “Nurse Jackie”

Taylor Schilling, “Orange Is the New Black”

Amy Poehler, “Parks and Recreation”

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, “Veep” 

Outstanding Reality-Competition Program

“The Amazing Race”

“Dancing With the Stars”

“Project Runway”

“So You Think You Can Dance”

“Top Chef”

“The Voice”

Outstanding Miniseries

“American Horror Story: Coven”

“Bonnie & Clyde”

“Fargo”

“Luther”

“Treme”

“The White Queen”

Outstanding Television Movie

“Killing Kennedy”

“Muhammad Ali's Greatest Fight”

“The Normal Heart”

“Sherlock: His Last Vow”

“The Trip to Bountiful”

Outstanding Variety Series

“The Colbert Report”

“The Daily Show With Jon Stewart”

“Jimmy Kimmel Live”

“Real Time With Bill Maher”

“Saturday Night Live”

“The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon”

Outstanding Comedy Series

“The Big Bang Theory”

“Louie”

“Modern Family”

“Orange Is the New Black”

“Silicon Valley”

“Veep”

HBO's Girls was snubbed this year due to a rumour that the rules had changed barring Emmy voters from nominating shows they only pretend to watch in order to seem cool to their colleagues, who also only pretend to watch.

Outstanding Drama Series

“Breaking Bad”

“Downton Abbey”

“Game of Thrones”

“House Of Cards”

“Mad Men”

“True Detective”

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series

Aaron Paul, “Breaking Bad”

Jim Carter, “Downton Abbey”

Peter Dinklage, “Game of Thrones”

Josh Charles, “The Good Wife”

Mandy Patinkin, “Homeland”

Jon Voight, “Ray Donovan”

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series

Anna Gunn, “Breaking Bad”

Maggie Smith, “Downton Abbey”

Joanne Froggatt, “Downton Abbey”

Lena Headey, “Game of Thrones”

Christine Baranski, “The Good Wife”

Christina Hendricks, “Mad Men”

Outstanding Guest Actor in a Drama Series

Paul Giamatti, “Downton Abbey”

Dylan Baker, “The Good Wife”

Reg E. Cathey, “House of Cards”

Robert Morse, “Mad Men”

Beau Bridges, “Masters of Sex”

Joe Morton, “Scandal”

Outstanding Guest Actress in a Drama Series

Margo Martindale, “The Americans”

Diana Rigg, “Game of Thrones”

Kate Mara, “House of Cards”

Allison Janney, “Masters of Sex”

Jane Fonda, “The Newsroom”

Kate Burton, “Scandal”

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series

Andre Braugher, “Brooklyn Nine-Nine”

Adam Driver, “Girls”

Jesse Tyler Ferguson, “Modern Family”

Ty Burrell, “Modern Family”

Fred Armisen, “Portlandia”

Tony Hale, “Veep”

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series

Mayim Bialik, “The Big Bang Theory”

Julie Bowen, “Modern Family”

Allison Janney, “Mom”

Kate Mulgrew, “Orange Is the New Black”

Kate McKinnon, “SNL”

Anna Chlumsky, “Veep”

Outstanding Guest Actor in a Comedy Series

Bob Newhart, “The Big Bang Theory”

Nathan Lane, “Modern Family”

Steve Buscemi, “Portlandia”

Jimmy Fallon, “SNL”

Louis C.K., “SNL”

Gary Cole, “Veep”

Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy Series

Natasha Lyonne, “Orange Is the New Black”

Uzo Aduba, “Orange Is the New Black”

Laverne Cox, “Orange Is the New Black”

Tina Fey, “SNL”

Melissa McCarthy, “SNL”

Joan Cusack, “Shameless”

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Miniseries or a Movie

Colin Hanks, “Fargo”

Jim Parsons, “The Normal Heart”

Joe Mantello, “The Normal Heart”

Alfred Molina, “The Normal Heart”

Matt Bomer, “The Normal Heart”

Martin Freeman, “Sherlock: His Last Vow”

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or a Movie

Frances Conroy, “American Horror Story: Coven”

Kathy Bates, “American Horror Story: Coven”

Angela Bassett, “American Horror Story: Coven”

Allison Tolman, “Fargo”

Ellen Burstyn as Olivia, “Flowers in the Attic”

Julia Roberts, “The Normal Heart”

Outstanding Variety Special

“AFI Life Achievement Award: A Tribute to Mel Brooks”

“The Beatles: The Night That Changed America”

“Best of Late Night With Jimmy Fallon Primetime Special”

“Billy Crystal: 700 Sundays”

“The Kennedy Center Honors”

“Sarah Silverman: We Are Miracles”

Outstanding Host for a Reality or Reality-Competition Program

Betty White, “Betty White‘s Off Their Rockers”

Tom Bergeron, “Dancing With the Stars”

Jane Lynch, “Hollywood Game Night”

Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn, “Project Runway”

Cat Deeley, “So You Think You Can Dance”

Anthony Bourdain, “The Taste”

Outstanding Structured Reality Program

“Antiques Roadshow”

“Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives”

“MythBusters”

“Shark Tank”

“Undercover Boss”

“Who Do You Think You Are?”

Outstanding Unstructured Reality Program

“Alaska: The Last Frontier”

“Deadliest Catch”

“Flipping Out”

“Million Dollar Listing New York”

“Wahlburgers”

“Wild Things With Dominic Monaghan”

IN OTHER TV NEWS:

Rosie O'Donnell is returning to The View for its 18th season after they consciously uncoupled from Sherrie Shepherd and medical scientist Jenny McCarthy.

I've seen shows jump the shark, I've seen shows crash and burn, but this marks the first time in my living memory that a show has publicly posted a suicide note.

You may recall that Rosie joined the show for 1 year that was, for all intents and purposes a total car wreck. Rosie repeatedly declared her hatred for large swathes of the population of the USA, and declared that the US government was behind the 9/11 terrorist attacks because her deep understanding of metallurgy taught her that "Fire doesn't melt steel."

She then followed it up with a variety show that was cancelled halfway through the pilot episode out of sheer embarrassment. 

Then she had a talk show on the basic cable Oprah Winfrey Network, that also tanked costing them millions.

Now The View has never been seen as a particularly intellectual program, in fact, if you want your opinion of women completely destroyed, watch The View for about a week. However, I never thought the management would make a decision that makes as much sense as this picture:

So why are they doing it?

Either they're doing some elaborate scam to get the show cancelled and themselves out of their contracts, or it's a case of isolation.

I fear that the brain trust behind the show think that she is some sort of ratings gold and had a conversation like this:

NETWORK PRES: We need a new co-host for the view! 

NETWORK VEEP: We could rehire Rosie O'Donnell.

NETWORK PRES: Do you think viewers will like her?

NETWORK VEEP: I was at a party at Susan Sarandon's place last week and she had everyone hanging on her every word. That included other actors, like Ricky Gervais, Lena Dunham, and Russell Brand, the publisher for the New York Times, and a professor of gender studies in activist journalism from Columbia University. 

NETWORK PRES: Well if that doesn't represent all of America I don't know who does. Spare no expense!

Either way, I think it's going to have the same effect.

At least whatever replaces The View can't possibly be worse.

Can it?