Hollywood Babble On & On #383: A Li'l Sumtin Fer Summit

Welcome to the show folks...

Yesterday I wrote about Summit going on a possible shopping spree for film libraries, and weighed the pros and cons of different ones. (Click HERE and scroll past Polanski) Today, I'm going to talk a little bit about Summit, its money situation, and what it can do with that money.

Right now Summit is swimming with cash. A certain little movie named Twilight that all the other studios passed on, made literally shit-loads of money, hence the reports of corporate sized shopping sprees.

I'd like to take a moment to give a little advice to Summit Entertainment, ahem....

STOP!

There.

Now I think I should explain things a little.

1. Twilight was big, and the odds are pretty good that the sequel will do big box office as well. But, and this is a massive, Michael Moore sized but, Twilight is finite. It's target demographic are teenage and tween girls who are dim enough to think that an undead creature that sucks blood from the innocent is some sort of romantic ideal. Girls like that are notoriously finicky. All it takes is Robert Pattinson discovering the wonders of bathing, and the whole will go from hot stuff to gross faster than you can say "flash in the pan." Suddenly that seemingly never-ending spring of money will dry up, leaving nothing but dust, and a bunch of DVDs collecting such dust at the bottom of the discount bin.

2. Summit's box office record sans vampires isn't exactly stellar, with only one film coming within $25 million of that $100 million domestic box office milestone, and most failing to reach even half that. That's not healthy.

So what can Summit do?

Well, it can follow my rules for "New Independents" which I will reiterate here:

1. DON'T DO WHAT THE MAJORS ARE DOING, DO WHAT THEY ARE NOT DOING.

That shouldn't need explanation, but since I'm a blowhard-know-it-all in love with the sound of my own voice, I'll do it anyway. Big studio movies follow extremely narrow patterns aimed at extremely narrow demographics. Look not at the films that they are making, but the ones that they are not making. There are parts where what the audience wants, and what the studios are making do not overlap. Fill those gaps yourself.

2. DON'T WASTE MONEY ON MAKING YOUR FILMS.

Not every film will be another Twilight, but you should know that already. Be thrifty, and wise, but not stingy. Money will not make a bad story good, but it can make a good movie a hit, so use your head, and your instinct.

3. EMBRACE THE AUDIENCE.

To anyone who lives outside of the bubble of the Axis of Ego, Hollywood looks and acts like an alien culture. Often entertaining, but alien nonetheless. This is where the gaps are, so get to know the average moviegoer, their hopes, their dreams, and most important, what they want to see on the screen. And don't just rely on market research firms, I have a beef with them.

4. AVOID THE BLOCKBUSTER MONEY TRAP.

This is part of being thrifty. Pursuing box office records is a trap that can crush your company. Pick your battles carefully, and be strategically smart. Lew Wasserman was given the option of opening Jaws in a then unheard of 800 theatres. He said "Open in 600!" Why? It wasn't just to save money on prints, Wasserman wanted long lines getting on the news and spreading buzz. That's called strategy.

5. EMBRACE NEW TECHNOLOGY BUT DON'T LET IT HYPNOTIZE YOU.

The means of production have never been more affordable, but don't think that some slick camerawork or CGI will turn a flop into a hit. That takes talent.

6. FORGET ABOUT THE STAR SYSTEM.

Most stars aren't worth the money. Ashton Kutcher may have a lot of followers on Twitter, but when it comes to movies and TV shows, his record is more shitter than twitter.

7. FORGET ABOUT WINNING HOLLYWOOD.

As long as you are not a major studio you will always be treated like Hollywood's country bumpkin cousin. So forget about them, get the audience on your side, and you won't need them, but they will need you.

8. TREAT INVESTORS AS INVESTORS, NOT SUCKERS.

Too many businesses in Hollywood run like fly-by-night ponzi schemes. Make your company a safe harbour, and investors will come.

9. MAKE DECISIONS WITH YOUR BRAIN, NOT YOUR EGO.

Your shit does stink, and not every idea you have will be a winner. Look at every decision from a logic based viewpoint, not a viewpoint based on the concept of "I'm great dammit!"

10. SEEKING AWARDS CAN ONLY LEAD TO SUFFERING.

The Weinstein Co. is currently on your radar for a takeover. There's a reason for that. It's because they alienated the audience, and chased after the approval of Hollywood through awards, over the approval of the audience through box office receipts. Forget awards, they are mostly meaningless these days. The audience is your king.

I hope this helps, because you don't want to end up like so many other companies before you.

Hollywood Babble On & On #382: Wanted & Desired In 2 Ways

Welcome to the show folks...

1. SOMETIMES YOU DON'T DO WHAT THE ROMANS DO...

Film director Roman Polanski was pinched in Zurich, and not in a good way. He was arrested and is looking at extradition over his conviction for sharing drugs and having sex with a 13 year old girl in 1977. Now Hollywood has risen to his defense, telling the press that 30+ years of award winning, luxury in Europe is punishment enough, and that he should be let go, sparking waves of disgust among the great unwashed known as the rest of the population.

This is a classic case of Hollywood not knowing how to pick its battles.

Sure, Polanski felt screwed over by a glory-hogging judge, and that's why he fled, but Hollywood seems to have forgotten that HE HAD SEX WITH A 13 YEAR OLD GIRL.

The details don't matter, what he did was a crime, and no matter what Harvey Weinstein, Woody Allen, Brett Ratner, or anyone else says matters. He committed a crime, he plead guilty and then he skipped out on the punishment. He had smart lawyers, and he could have beat that judge that wanted him deported, but he chose to run to Europe. Which is ironically, what the judge wanted anyway.

There's a reason behind Hollywood closing ranks around a man described by many as a child rapist. Hollywood has a very strong "Us VS Them" attitude, with the "Them" being "You" in the general public. You buy the tabloids that invade their privacy, You read the gossip blogs that expose their every nose-pick and cellulite dappled thigh, and You also make their careers possible, but that little tid-bit usually gets forgotten.

There's also an attitude that taboos are bad, and those who break them are not to be punished, especially if that taboo involves sex or sexuality. Now there are very hard and fast rules to who gets that sort of "get out of shit free" card. You have to be rich, famous, considered an "artistic" over "commercial" in your work, and not do anything that may be construed as racist, oppressive, or seen as supporting a unfashionable political stance.

Polanski fits all those rules, he is a very talented filmmaker, with a lot great movies under his belt, so Hollywood gives him a pass. To them statutory rape is merely a footnote, because they want to judge him by his art, and not by what he's done in the real world.

I say that Polanski should stop fighting extradition, return to the United States, and finally end this. Not only for himself, but for the girl, now a mature woman, in the centre of this mess. The Los Angeles County D.A. is not going to stop hounding either of them until a judge puts a ribbon on it.

Besides, Polanski should remember that this is the Los Angeles DA he's dealing with here. They only celebrity they were able to convict was Phil Spector, he was literally standing over the body, and even then they had to try him twice to get that conviction.

2. SUMMIT PLANS TO KEEP CLIMBING

Summit Entertainment, flush with cash from those teen-vampire love movies, is sniffing around Hollywood looking to start buying other companies or their libraries. So let's take a look at what's possible...

MGM/UA

PROS- The MGM/UA film library, despite missing most of the "Golden Age" MGM movies, is still worth a truckload of money, and the revenue from it is the only thing keeping the company afloat. There's also the Bond franchise to consider, which is going great guns lately.

CONS- The company is literally BILLIONS IN DEBT. Anyone looking to buy either the company, or the library will be expected to either take on that debt, or pay it off, and then some. Thus possibly putting it out of reach without accruing the sort of crippling debt that currently killing MGM.

THE WEINSTEIN COMPANY

PROS- There are a few critically acclaimed films in the library, including some Oscar winners, and with company coming apart faster than a sand-castle in a hurricane, they can be obtained for a good price.

CONS- There are way more jokers than aces in this deck, a lot more. Then there are all the films that were buried until all interest was lost and they were forgotten. Then there's Harvey and Bob, and they won't let go without a costly fight.

LIONSGATE

PROS- It's got some hit movies and cult classics in its library, and the company's been in a little slump lately.

CONS- Lionsgate is only in a little slump. It's not collapsing like TWC, and could recover very quickly and become very expensive, if the management makes the right moves. It's stock is already on the rise, and there are other sharks circling it.

So, we're going to have to keep our eyes on this one to see what pops up.

Hollywood Babble On & On #381: What Do You Think?

Welcome to the show folks...

1. TIME TO TERMINATE THE TERMINATOR?

This isn't a judgment of the McG prequel, but just a simple statement of logic. You see, there is one thing that the now legendary cyborg killing machine is guaranteed to snuff out, the companies that make Terminator movies.

Look at the list.

HEMDALE PICTURES- Produced T1, SHUT DOWN

ORION PICTURES- Distributed T1, BANKRUPT

CAROLCO- Produced T2, BANKRUPT

HALCYON- Produced T-Salvation, and the Sarah Connor show, GOING BANKRUPT

JAMES CAMERON- Creator of The Terminator movies, Judging by the Avatar trailer CREATIVELY BANKRUPT.

It's time to let the red light in his android eye fade to black, because the damn thing is jinxed.

2. FREDDY'S DEAD, BUT THAT'S NOT STOPPING THE REMAKE

Here's the trailer for the remake of A Nightmare On Elm Street:

A Nightmare on Elm Street in HD

I don't know, I think they flogged the first concept to death about thirty minutes into the second movie, and had hit the realm of self-parody right after that. The remake looks what I call "slick gritty." Which would be ta great name for a country-punk band, but doesn't really work for me in a horror film.

It opens with the sort of blasted industrial hell-scape that just beats you about the head with THIS IS A HORROR MOVIE! BE SCARED NOW!! The original showed Springwood, Ohio, as a cosmetically "perfect" town, but also gave the sense that it was beset with rot from within. There doesn't appear to be that sort of subtlety in this version, and the first version wasn't really all that subtle to begin with.

Other than that, the more effective shots seem to be the near recreations of scenes from the original movie, while everything else looks like a music video for an Emo-band.

Anyway, I'm not holding my breath about this film.

What do you think?

Hollywood Babble On & On #380: Oh Those Weinsteins...

Welcome to the show folks...

Here's a little update on the sinking ship otherwise known as The Weinstein Company. Tom Ortenberg, who only became president of theatrical films a little more than eight months ago, has skedaddled for "personal reasons."

I joked that personally wanted to get paid, and that's why he left.

The Wrap says that despite his record with running Lionsgate the head honchos, Harvey and Bob, kept him at arms length and prevented him from doing what they allegedly hired him for, namely the running an independent film company.

Then there's the company's ongoing money troubles. There's $600 million in debt that needs to be paid, including $75 million in debt to the Ziff Brothers financial firm that's not getting paid, and is currently accruing mucho interest, hence digging their hole deeper. Dirk Ziff, despite claims of still being a friend of Harvey's who is still willing to work with the company, has left his seat on the TWC board, which I don't think is a good sign.

Miller Buckfire, their restructuring consultants, has them laying off whoever might be left from the company's last round of layoffs, but I'm not sure that really gets to the root of the problem.

A fish rots at the head, and all the problems seem to point directly to Harvey and Bob Weinstein. Let's look at the facts...

1. People have lost track of the number of independent films the Weinstein Co. purchased since the company's inception, only to be buried by TWC because they might compete for awards and box office with films directly produced by the Weinsteins.

2. Filmmakers that aren't part of the select clique of Weinstein friends have nothing but bitterness and resentment towards TWC after doing business with them.

3. The Weinstein Co. has put most of their eggs in Oscar's basket. Putting more into winning awards in an age when the general audience don't really give a crap about Oscars anymore. The once expected "Oscar Bounce" is now rarer than hen's teeth.

4. They hire an experienced independent film executive like Tom Ortenberg, and then don't let him make any decisions, because all the power is in the hands of the two Weinsteins, who don't appear all that big on delegating authority.

5. $1.2 billion in equity investment and loans are gone, poof like a fart in a hurricane. Showing that the business model of paying too much for films that end up being seen by too few, is not the way to run a railroad, no matter how their status as "assets" may look on the books when pitching the company to investors. Despite the success of Inglorious Bastards, and the possibility that Halloween 2 broke even (though I don't know what they spent on P&A) there were just too many overpriced jokers in their deck.

Which brings me to the conclusion, that the biggest problem the Weinstein Co. has is that it's a Weinstein company.

Saturday Silliness Cinema: Smith & Jones

Welcome to the show folks...

Time for my usual Saturday break from ranting and raving about business for a quick laugh.

Today, those perennial Brit funsters Smith & Jones, and a very thrilling chase...

Hollywood Babble On & On #379: MGM- Must Get Moolah!

Welcome to the show folks...

MGM is in it deep today kiddies. A lot of the people holding the company's $3.7 billion debt are now pushing for the company to go into bankruptcy so they can sell off the MGM assets and move on.

Some folks are predicting quick millions to be made selling off the rights to the James Bond 007 franchise to Sony/Columbia, and the upcoming movie version of The Hobbit to Warner Bros., but I'm a little wary of that plan.

Yes, the Bond movies are solid moneymakers, that's a fact. However, if a company buys the franchise for the sort of money that might make a serious dent in the MGM debt situation then you can be pretty sure that amount would be the one thing that could kill said franchise.

Remember, we're talking about amounts in the HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS of dirty sexy money needed to buy these franchises in an way that can affect the debt of MGM. What company will want to start making movies that already cost a minimum of $100+ million that already have two to five times that amount hanging over it. The only way it could work is if the studio would be willing to lose millions for the first five or six movies until they franchise pays off its overhead. The Bond films and their perennial appeal could be handled as such a long term investment, but I don't see any company being that patient in these uncertain times.

As for The Hobbit, such a financial burden could kill the franchise more readily that Robert Shaye ever could.

Now the most valuable asset MGM has is its library. While the bulk of the "Golden Age" MGM films are now owned by Warner Bros., it does have thousands of other films in its catalog. I'm talking about the post-1952 United Artists library (including the Bond films), Orion Pictures, American International, Filmways, Cannon, Hemdale, and Polygram Filmed Entertainment.

But even then we have a bit of a pickle.

Not all these films are created equal. Some have perennial appeal, some have been forgotten, some rightfully forgotten, but that's just the beginning...

1. Most companies capable of buying the MGM/UA library have their own problems managing their own libraries, and the addition of Xenu knows how many thousand more titles will only add to those problems. So few would be willing to take on that responsibility, especially if it means dropping a few hundred million dollars to get them. It threatens to complicate an already needlessly complicated process, and has the threat of the MGM films being treated like the proverbial "poor cousins" and never reaching their full potential.

2. Home video sales are down, for various reasons, some blame can be based on the week economy, some blame can be put on uncertainty over the whole DVD vs Blu-Ray vs Download format. Also the TV market, at least judging by the channels my satellite dish gets, is waaaay underexploited with many channels, even ones that are supposed to play old movies, re-running Las Vegas, Bones, and Xena: Warrior Princess four times a day, only a handful of old movies, and even then decent prints of these films being even rarer.

Most experts are saying that any sort of forced bankruptcy sale would lead to a lot of these bondholders taking a financial bath. As you can see, I agree with that. The MGM management is asking for a forbearance, or a holiday on their interest payments so they can use the revenue they do make to make more movies, better market their library, and make some of the real cash needed to finally do something about their debt.

Of course, this could be part of Relativity Media's plan to convert debt into ownership and take over MGM, but only those deep inside know the truth.

What I do hope for is that something is done to rebuild MGM into a viable and successful company, because the rest of Hollywood could use the competition.

Hollywood Babble On & On #378: Developments in Development

Welcome to the show folks...

1. MAMET TOSSED INTO TURNAROUND

David Mamet's rather daring adaptation of The Diary of Anne Frank into a modern day fable about contemporary antisemitism has been put into turnaround by Disney. Turnaround is movie development-speak for "We're not going to make the film, but we're not canceling it either."

Now it's not the news itself that caught my eye, movies, especially ones that tackle controversial politically incorrect subjects, get put into turnaround all the time. What caught my jaundiced eye was this quote from a Disney executive in the original report in Sharon Waxman's The Wrap:

"It's very intense, and dark and scary," said the executive. "It's not a film version of 'The Diary of Anne Frank.' The story evolved into something more intense."

Because we all know that THE HOLOCAUST wasn't intense, dark, and scary.

Why do I get the feeling that the executive who said that went to an Ivy League school?

2. HE MAN FINDS A HOME

Sony has picked up the adaptation of Mattel's Masters of the Universe toy line that was recently dropped by Warner Bros.

Call me cynical, but I'm not holding out much hope for a movie version about a muscle man with a Prince Valiant haircut battling a dude in a Halloween mask. Especially with a story that makes He-Man an astronaut from Earth, who lands on Eternia, and a lot of hooey about science vs magic.

I don't care if it has one of the few characters with the same name as me that does not get killed off, I'm not going to be waiting for this flick with bated breath.

3. CRONENBERG TO TAKE ANOTHER SWAT AT THE FLY.

David Cronenberg is reportedly planning to reboot his reboot of the horror standard The Fly.

All I can say to Cronenberg is Why Fly?

Hollywood Babble On & On #377: A Couple Of Miscellaneous Musings

Welcome to the show folks...

1. LAYOFFS ENDING AND STARTING

The new fangled, and slightly mangled, William Morris-Endeavor Agency has announced that they are done with laying off workers, and will begin "integrating" their clients and agents.

It's about time, all that was left of WME was Ari Emmanuel and Dwayne the janitor. Dwayne will now handle international co-production deals.

Meanwhile, those Whacky Weinsteins are reportedly going to start laying off employees at their beleaguered company, again, and their restructuring consultant is telling the Brothers Weinstein to stick with making movies. Perhaps releasing them might help too.

2. NBC-U IPO PDQ?

Jeff Zucker, honcho of NBC-Universal is telling everyone to get ready for Vivendi's IPO of their 20% stake in the battered TV network/studio. There were some rumours of media behemoth Time-Warner buying NBC-U from General Electric, but I doubt they're true.

While the Universal film/TV library is pretty valuable, Time Warner already has too much on their plate already, and are only now just starting to get their own house in order. They can't afford to spend billions to buy not only NBC-U, but all the problems inherent in the company itself.

So I'm not expecting any major mergers emerging from this 20% sale.

Hollywood Babble On & On #376: Some Miscellaneous Musings...

Welcome to the show folks, let's get the ball rolling with...

1. THERE CAN BE ONLY CRAP!

Sharpen your katanas, because the folks at Summit Entertainment have decided that crappy sequels and a Canadian TV series wasn't enough because they're plotting a remake of Highlander.

The original Highlander was the tale of immortals bound to battle and behead each other on the streets of New York until there is only one left to rule the world. I was a teenager when it came out, and found it an eye-popping festival of raging sword-fights, and a screaming soundtrack by Queen. Sure, it had a Frenchman playing a Scotsman, and a Scotsman playing an Egyptian posing as a Spaniard, but since it all came at you in a torrent of action and weirdness, you suspended your disbelief and went for the ride.

The makers followed it up a few years later with Highlander 2, which pretty much took all the mythology of the first movie and tossed it all out to replace it with a bunch of crap about alien rebels.

I don't even know about the third movie, because I don't even want to risk another narrative reaming from that franchise. The TV series, about an immortal cousin, had its moments, but didn't provide the giddy thrill of originality a kid felt the first time they saw the first movie.

Ironically, this company is looking for that thrill, by doing the exact opposite of what made that first film stand out.

2. ARCHIE GOES BIG SCREEN

CAA, the coven behind the rash of toy/board game related movies currently clogging up studio development slates has signed a deal with the makers of Archie Comics for possible big screen adventures.

At least Archie had a semblance of a story behind it, though I'm still holding out hope for Lars Von Trier's adaptation of Hungry Hungry Hippos.

Anyhoo, back to the story. I say, do Archie the movie, but make an R-Rated comedy that makes Superbad look like a Pixar movie. Then it might work.

Archie, Betty, Veronica, threesome.

That's all the log line you need.

3. LENO LOSES LOOKERS

Viewers are leaving Jay Leno's week-nightly chat-fest for new shows, which is sad, but inevitable news. Remember this is NBC we're talking about. There former flagship show Heroes has lost 46% of viewers compared to last season's already shitty opener.

The entire network needs to torn down, and rebuilt from scratch, because right now they couldn't buy a hit with God himself as a guest on Jay's show.

4. CINEMATIC KRYPTONITE

You know how I love to bring up the $65 million pissed away by the producers of Superman Returns before a single frame of film was even shot, well now we have a picture of where some of those millions went...

How many millions were pissed away on this conceptual abortion that makes Nick Cage look like a hippie drag queen encased in plastic?

And the scary part was that Tim Burton and Nick Cage were serious about going through with it. If I was the head of Warner Bros. and you brought that to me, I wouldn't show you the door, because the goddamn window would have been a lot closer.

Damn!

What were they thinking?

Or smoking?

Hollywood Babble On & On 375: Meatballs Beat Stars

Welcome to the show folks...

It's been a pretty weak weekend, or to coin a new phrase weakend, where star laden and heavily hyped films like Matt Damon and Steven Soderbergh's The Informant, and Jennifer's Body starring Hollywood starlet du-jour Megan Fox underperformed at the box office. They were crushed by the digitally animated juggernaut of Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs.

Now it's not much of a stretch to see that coming, family films and animated fantasies generally do better than R-Rated fare, but these films performed worse than the most conservative estimates.

Why?

Jennifer's Body's biggest mistake was relying on its star Megan Fox to carry all the publicity for the film. She gets a lot of attention, but Fox had to ask themselves if it was the right kind of attention.

I heard waaaaay more about Transformers 2, which was long done, dusted, and on DVD, than I did about Jennifer's Body with her constant stupid comments making great copy for gossip bloggers, but lousy publicity. The movie she was supposed to promote, ended up a minor footnote to reports of her feuding, and constant swirling rumors about her personal life.

Plus, an October release may have been better, with Halloween on the horizon, and the autumnal chill putting a desire for movie chills in the audience, but Fox acted like they could make it into a late summer blockbuster.

Steven Soderbergh's The Informant was essentially a comedy about a bipolar snitch and embezzler who exposes a scandal involving price fixing in the food additive industry.

But that's not what audiences saw. They saw Steven Soderbergh's name, associated with many a George Clooney project that usually sank without the word "Ocean's" in the title, Matt Damon gaining weight in the classic act of Oscar whoring, and the words "corporate crime" in every review, and they figured that it was going to be another Michael Clayton snooze-fest where big business millionaires lecture them on the evils of big business millionaires to win Oscars from other big business millionaires and the people who love them.

The films wasn't like that, and the ads tried to push it as a comedy, but the audience just wasn't biting.