6 DEGREES OF DECAPITATION
a blog adventure mystery thriller novel thingamabob
CHAPTER 15: MURDER AND MAYHEM IN THE MOUNTAINS OF MADNESS
"Was that really the cry of the Yeti?" asked Playful1.
"Yes," I answered.
"You're not shitting us?" asked GiGi.
"I shit you not," I said.
"I can't believe that we're lost in the Himalayas with a Yeti," said Playful1."Thanks for the recap," I said. "Now can we finish climbing this mountain? We have a villain to foil and treasure to find."
"I got nothing better to do," added GiGi with a shrug.
"Yeah," added Playful1. "According to Jim is in reruns anyway."
"Then let's go," I said, turning to come face to face with a fearsome looking Yeti. It looked down at me with fearsome eyes, and bared its mighty teeth. And let me tell you, an extra breath mint would have been really welcome at that moment.
"ROOOOAAAARRR!" bellowed the massive beast.
"Looking for a scrap, eh?" I said, setting my fists to 'anhialate.' "Come on girls and Chompy, there's only one of them, we can take him."
I turned to see only footprints where GiGi, Playful1 and Chompy stood, and they were heading away from me and the Yeti.
"Son of a..." I was about to say something nasty when the giant Yeti said something surprising.
"Friend?" muttered the Yeti, holding his hands out in peaceful supplication.
"Oh," I said, "you want me to be your friend?"
"Yes," grunted the Yeti, "and if you become my friend you can visit my website and see sexy webcam pics of all my hot friends for only $19.99 a month."
This was even worse than I thought. Luckily I had my climbing pistol.
The Yeti-Spammer's brains painted a gooey red and pink streak across the normally pink snow. The hairy beast fell over like a big hairy tree and landed in the snow with a thud. I was just about to take a whiz on the dead creature for wasting my time with spam when a voice came from behind me.
"Now you come to help," I said sarcastically."Are you okay?" asked Playful1.
"Yes," I said, "turned out to be a pr0n spammer yeti."
"Eeeew," said the girls.
"Can I have a moment of privacy," I said, "I need to make a last statement about our bogus friend here, and you're making me pee shy."
A minute later we were back on our trail heading for the lost Albanian Budgie. The wind was whipping us hard, forcing us to find shelter. I don't know where the wind got the whips, or how it was able to hold them, but that didn't matter. We needed to get indoors fast.
"There's a small abandoned temple over there," I said, pointing to the small abandoned temple in a fit of repetitive narration. We ran to the small stone building, and I slammed the heavy wooden door behind us. I heaved up a heavy wooden beam and used it to bar the door, so the wind or anything else couldn't open it without our permission.
"Wait a minute," said GiGi, "this isn't a Buddhist temple, it's a Jewish synagogue."
"Maybe that's why it's abandoned," I said. "Not enough of a congregation in the Himalayas. It's almost night, we should make camp here. Now who wants to share my sleeping bag?"
When I regained consciousness I decided that there were enough sleeping bags for everyone. I also noticed that GiGi and Playful1 had a campfire ready and were roasting marshmallows.
"How's your head?" asked GiGi.
"Surprisingly resilient," I said, wondering how many brain cells were left. "I think I'll have one of those pre-made dinners."Playful1 tossed a small plastic package and I took it over to the microwave oven. I was just about to ask where the microwave and the electricity to run it had come from when there was a heavy thud on the door.
"Furious D!" growled a voice from outside. Followed immediately by a chorus of other nasty animalistic voices. It sounded auditions for a boy band out there, but I knew what it was.
"It's the Yetis!" I said. "They've come for revenge for spoiling their friend spam-scam."
"How do they know your name?" asked Playful1.
"I think writing it in the snow next to their dead friend was a tactical error on my part," I said.
"What do we do?" said GiGi. "That door can't hold them out forever."
"They want me," I said. "I'll go out and face them. Maybe they'll spare you."
"Great idea," said the girls, and Chompy nodded.
"You know," I said, "it's tradition for you to try to stop me from making the ultimate sacrifice."
"We're not traditional people." said Playful1 opening the door.
The next thing I knew my butt was out in the cold snow, it was dark, the wind howled like a madman, and I was surrounded by angry, hungry eyes.
"Fine," I said, "if this is my doom, bring it on beeotch!"TO BE CONTINUED...