6 DEGREES OF DECAPITATION
an ongoing blog-based insult to all that is good in the world
CHAPTER 26: TICK-TOCK
INT. CHOPPER --DAY
Furious D hangs up his cell phone and slides it casually into his pocket.
Furious D whips out his pistol and puts it to Traitor's head.GIGIWhat did Chloe have to say?FURIOUS DNot much, just that our friend here Agent Traitor is....PLAYFUL1Gay? Cause I was kinda getting that gay vibe thing.TRAITORI'm not gay! Why do I keep getting that?FURIOUS DNo, Agent Traitor is not gay, not that there's anything wrong with that, he's a...GIGIUnitarian?FURIOUS DNo. He's--PLAYFUL1An Amway salesman?FURIOUS DNo! He's a--TRAITOROoh! Ooh! I know this one! I'm a Pisces!
There's a shocked gasp from everyone, including Traitor.FURIOUS DHe's a traitor! Agent Traitor is a traitor! He's working for LaFarge!
Traitor shrugs.TRAITORWait a minute, are you talking about my name, or what I've been up to?FURIOUS DWhat you've been up to.TRAITORThen you've got me pegged. I've sold out my county.FURIOUS DWho? Who is behind LaFarge and his plot?
The glass of the chopper's canopy shatters and a bullet from outside hits Traitor right in the head.TRAITORI don't know. It could be Middle Eastern Terrorists, it could be some shady corporate conspiracy. It all depends on if the Fox Network gets threatened with another boycott.FURIOUS DLand this chopper. NOW!TRAITORFine. They're going to write me out anyway.FURIOUS DWhat do you mean?
Chompy the Badger leaps to the co-pilot's seat and takes control of the chopper. But something is wrong with the controls and the chopper begins to descend in a mad tailspin.FURIOUS DChompy! Take the controls!
GIGIWe're going down!FURIOUS DI should be so lucky.
GiGi whacks Furious D on the back of the head with a frying pan.
EXT. GRASSY FIELD --DAY
Furious D regains consciousness in a field. The chopper is a burning wreckage in the background.
FURIOUS DWhere does she keep that damn frying pan?
Furious D turns to see Marcel, until recently the doorman at Saccharine's high class brothel, but now his face was swathed in bandages and he was aiming a pistol at Furious D.MARCEL (OC)Welbum Fuvius T.FURIOUS DWhat?
MARCELFime gumma kibb boo.FURIOUS DWho are you? What are you saying? Are speaking French or something?MARCELI'm Marfel. Fi gant talg ryd bebuzz ob hor bajer.
Marcel's about to shoot when...FURIOUS DOh, you're Marcel, and you can't talk because Chompy chewed you up pretty bad. Where are my friends?MARCELDond nobe, dond kayr. Hube die.
Furious D throws a big rock and knocks the gun out of Marcel's hand. The two begin hand to hand combat in a flurry of masterful martial arts moves.
As Furious D battles Marcel we go into another split screen showing...
CHLOE at CTU HQ filing her nails.
GIGI walking along a wooded path, a cougar sneaking up behind her. The cougar also has a gun.
PLAYFUL1 locked in a basement tied to a chair, a time bomb showing that she's only got 5 minutes before it goes off.
CHOMPY at an Denny's ordering a coffee and a grand slam breakfast. But a man with piano wire is sneaking up behind him.
THE PRESIDENT looking concerned and presidential out the window of his Oval Office. His eyes widen as he sees a small missile heading straight for him.
GASTON LAFARGE on the toilet reading a People Magazine.
LAFARGEOh Posh Spice, why do you fascinate me?
LaFarge realizes he's on camera.
LAFARGEA little privacy please.
TO BE CONTINUED...