I can see the future.
I realized this almost two years ago, when Marvel and Paramount announced that they were going to make an Iron Man movie, I immediately declared that Robert Downey Jr. was going to get the lead part.
They all laughed at me, declaring that no studio would put Downey in the lead role of a big budget movie.
They are not laughing now.
Realizing that I was a soothsayer, and that no one says sooth as well as I do, I figured should share my gift, and let mere mortals, like you, my lovely, talented, and fragrant readers have a peek into the future.
Let's get started...
New Line Cinema's current slate of coming releases, will be, despite Time Warner promises, it's last slate of releases. Time Warner execs will pat each other on the backs and wonder why viewer numbers are down for the 37 weekly reruns of S1m0ne with Al Pacino on the Peachtree TV channel.
Paris Hilton will give up the life of the celebutard, go back to school, and in 2016 write her doctoral thesis on Quantum Physics whose formulae become the basis for the Grand Unification Theory.
Marion Cotillard's 9-11 conspiracy mongering will land her a job as a host on The View.
Stephen Spielberg's planned epic about the Chicago 10 will fail at the box office, because even the Baby Boomers are sick and tired of all that 60s nostalgia.
Next year Robert Redford will confess that the Sundance Film Festival became irrelevant when Paris Hilton started attending. Those remarks spawn Paris Hilton to find a new direction in life.
Reality TV will get worse, but sadly it will not degenerate into televised celebrity death-sports. At least, not for a while.
A wave of media hysteria will hit on the eve of 2012 over the supposed end of the Mayan Calendar. I will tell you what happens: Nothing.
Next year's Oscars will boast a slate of nominee films that no one outside of Hollywood has seen. The show will be a ratings disaster, and host Marion Cotillard's opening monologue will be considered worse than the "Oprah-Uma" moment.
I hope you enjoyed this glimpse into the future.