Tuesday, 4 March 2008

Hollywood Babble On & On... #58: The Laws of Hollywood.

While many people think that Hollywood operates with logic, common sense, basic decency, or any semblance of intelligence, it does have certain immutable laws that govern how it runs.

1. THE "WE'RE SO IN LOVE" LAW: This law states that any couple who talks about how wonderful their relationship is to the media, will be broken up, divorced, or otherwise split, within a year.

2. THE JAMES DEAN LAW: Any good looking and famous actor that dies young will become a pop culture icon in exponential proportion to their popularity when they were alive.

3. BEST ACTRESS MARRIAGE LAW: Any married actress that wins the Academy Award for Best Actress will divorce her husband within a year of winning.

4. THE CHRIS FARLEY LAW: Any comedian, no matter how painfully unfunny he was in life, will be declared the greatest comic genius of all time if he dies young, preferably from something really stupid like drug or alcohol abuse.

5. THE TOP TURD IN THE TOILET BOWL LAW: Any media/studio executive, no matter how incompetent, will be promoted as long as he makes sure that those around him look worse than him.

6. THE KIDDIE CATCHPHRASE LAW: Any child actor that becomes famous from a part with a famous catchphrase or expression, will have no career past their teens.

7. THE GREEN POSER LAW: The shriller a celebrity demands that ordinary people change their lives to "save the planet" the more likely that celebrity is to use a fleet of carbon spewing SUVs to take them and their entourages to their private jets to fly from their 50 room mansions in Beverly Hills where they live alone to their 50 room "summer-homes" in The Hamptons where they live alone, with nary a solar panel between them. The only celebrity exempt from this law is Ed Begley Jr. because he is amusing rather than shrill, and actually walks the walk.

8. THE STUPID MAN LAW: In TV commercials it's okay to make men look like idiots. They don't boycott products.

9. THE I'M NOT ON DRUGS LAW: The more a celebrity denies that they're on drugs, the more likely that they are on drugs.

10. THE ENTOURAGE LAW: The bigger the star's entourage, the shorter the star's career.

1 comment:

  1. Oh I love Ed Begley. He's hilarious on his HGTV show, and there's another thing. He really ENJOYS fiddling around with stuff. I suspect most of his green stuff is an excuse to spend time doing things he really likes -- gadgeteering, rain barrels, solar ovens, etc. And his electric cars are cool.

    Of course, what works for him a short commute to the studio doesn't for others, but he'd be the first to admit it.

    Kudos to him also for nailing the carbon credits. As he put it, it's like throwing money out the window as you drive by an AA meeting totally sloshed. It doesn't do any good.

    Begley's point is that there are a lot of little things that people particularly homeowners can do that don't cost much money that save both wallets and marginally help the environment.