Thursday, 6 March 2008

Hollywood Babble On & On... #60: The Don Speaks

(Olive Oil Importer & Labour Relations Expert)

My friends I'd like to thank you all for coming. I'm sitting in for our mutual friend Furious D, who is still in shock from saying something nice about studio executives, and was unable to do one of these Hollywood Babble On & On things today.

Let's all wish him a speedy recovery.

I've been asked to lend my expertise in labour relations and the fine art of negotiation and make an analysis of the ugliness between and w
ithin these groups called SAG and AFTRA.

My s
on Tom says that they are unions representing actors and announcers and such when they're negotiating with the pezzonovante studios. And lately these folks who should be paisan, are at each others throats.

Factions have been formed that want negotiations for the new contract to start early, some want to wait, and everyone is accusing each other of hidden agendas... I don't really care about the details.

The details, the whys and wherefores of their disagreement is all trivia to me.

What I am here to talk about is an obviously stupid error that they are both making.

Never discuss family business outside the family.

Do you get that?

I may be a fictional character, and I know you folks are all actors and annou
ncers and such, and therefore can't do anything in private, but there comes a time when you have to shut the hell up.

It's like that time my boy Sonny let slip the possibility that he was interested in Virgil Solozzo's offer to get into the heroin business. It was seen as a possible division in my family and ended up putting me into a bullet riddled coma, left Sonny a dead heap on a causeway, and got a hell of a lot of other people killed.

Do you see what I'm getting at?

All this public bickering is like putting a bleeding foot into a tank full of hungry sharks. It won't be long before that foot is gone.

If the people in SAG and AFTRA want to argue with each other, they should do it in private and away from the prying eyes of the press.

Because the studio pezzonovantes read the papers too, and will interpret any internal disagreements on your part as a sign of weakness.

Then they will screw you into the ground.

No one wants a strike, and negotiating before the contract expires doesn't have to be either a problem, or a necessity, but you can't go around disagreeing in public.

Now when negotiations with the studios do begin, you should ask this question:

Do any of the studio bosses own a horse?

On second thought, forget about it.

The PETA people would have conniption fits.

So take this last piece of advice from an old fictional character, a code of silence around your enemies is essential. Omerta is your friend.


No comments:

Post a Comment