Wednesday, 4 March 2009

Hollywood Babble On & On #242: Hair Today Gone Tomorrow...

Just when I think the idiocy of Hollywood has hit bottom, Hollywood gets a shovel.

I don't normally gripe about the idiocies of celebrities anymore, but this just shows one of the problems inherent in the industry.

A tip of the jaunty fedora to the snark-meisters of Defamer for this Daily Mail piece about how the studio had shelled out £40,000 for Jennifer Aniston to get her hair-styled.

Think about that for a second.

£40,000 for a haircut.

A freaking haircut.

You see the former sitcom star demanded that her personal hairstylist be flown in from California, put up in a first class hotel for a week, with all expenses paid so she can look pretty much the same as usual on the red carpet for
Marley & Me.

Now I know celebs have to look their best, but she was in London, England, not Ulan Bator. I'm sure they could have found someone willing to trim her split ends with scissors hand forged from mithril by the dwarves of Moria, and soak her head in a bucket of ointment comprised of wheat-grass pulp, African orchid petals, and nectar hand squeezed by Hopi Shamans from the arseholes of honeybees imported from the sunflower fields of Atlantis.

And what was the studio thinking by giving in to this demand?

It's not like Jennifer Aniston's the hottest ticket in Hollywood. Her money making films are usually carried either by more popular co-stars, (Jim Carrey, Vince Vaughn, or a Golden Lab) or as in the case of
He's Just Not That Into You, a large ensemble. Her starring vehicles usually are usually forgotten even before the final credits have finished rolling. She's just not worth £40,000 for a haircut.

If I was the producer I'd have said: "No, we'll go to the best salon in London, but we're not spreading that much cash for a haircut."

If she threatened to walk, I'd say "Go ahead, folks are buying tickets to see the dog, not you."

And then Owen Wilson would cry out: "They only want to see the dog!?!" before bursting into tears and forcing me to talk him out of the hotel bathroom with a combination of kind words and a cattle prod. (And they say I don't have people skills!)

It's not just Aniston, reports are coming in that Katherine "Burn All Bridges" Heigl is taking her success waaaay too seriously, and making all sorts of demands of movies that want to sign her. Demanding a private jet for her personal use, that no one speak to her when the camera's not rolling, and even refusing to eat with her co-workers. Now I don't know if these reports are true, or not, but sadly, they do appear to be plausible, which is the sad part.

Diva behaviour is nothing new in Hollywood, it goes back to the silent era, and started about five minutes after they allowed actor's to be referred to by name. And it's not just a "chick" thing either, male stars have huge egos, and obnoxious demands.

However, diva behaviour only has the power that Hollywood gives it.

You see, in Hollywood image is everything, and if you act like you're powerful and important, then Hollywood folks will believe you are powerful and important, whether you are or not. And usually the inverse is true, the more demanding the star, the more they need that illusion to maintain the facade of their "stardom."

But there is hope, there is a cure.

If a star makes unreasonable demands in their contract, move on.

Find another one.

Trust, you'll find them, they are out there.

Because movies are an expensive proposition, and diva behaviour costs more than the £40,000 for a simple haircut.

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