Monday, 15 June 2009


Greetings true believers!

Sorry, bit of a Stan Lee moment there, but anyway, yesterday I lost my internet connection for a few hours. Being unable to blog left me in curled up in a corner of my office in a fetal position, crying and hugging a bottle of Jack Daniels.

So to recover from that trauma, I've used my deep and powerful connections to the major players in showbiz and got them to debate a pressing issue right here, live. Today I have former gossip columnist Roger Friedman, and his former boss Rupert Murdoch to discuss the real reason Friedman was fired from his job.

Go at it!


(former Fox gossip columnist)

It's time for the truth to come out!

I was not fired because I wrote a review of a pirated copy of 20th Century Fox's movie
Wolverine. I was shit-canned because of an evil conspiracy against me by Rupert Murdoch and the Scientologists.

So let me start from the beginning.

First, Rupert Murdoch is responsible for the piracy of the
Wolverine movie. He wanted to see a DVD copy of the movie, and apparently no one ever thought of making a copy for the CEO of the company before, and that strange and radical request led to the piracy, that I then wrote glowingly about in my article.

Plus, the Scientologists pressured Murdoch to fire me, because I've been critical of them a couple of times in the past. And Fox didn't want the awesome power of my words, which are treated as gospel by people all over the world, hurting
Valkyrie, which they were distributing globally, or offend the awesome box office clout of Kelly Preston.

That's the real reason why I was fired, and the reason why I am suing News Corp, Rupert Murdoch, and the guy behind this blog for writing a bogus blog post under my name!


(Billionaire Tyrant)

I've spent more years in the newspaper business than you've had hot dinners, and I've learned to spot a crock of horseshit when I see it.

First, his charge that I caused the piracy by demanding a copy of the movie.


I'm the fucking CEO of the whole bloody didgeridoo!

Why the hell shouldn't I have a gander at one of my movie studio's big tent-pole movies?

That's like saying I can't get a looky-loo at the front page of a bloody newspaper that I bloody well own! It shows that you don't know much about how a bloody business is bloody run.

And besides, you weren't sacked over who caused the bloody piracy! You were sacked because you wrote about the bloody pirated movie for the whole world to see!

Those pirate bastards are stealing the vegemite out of my bloody cake-hole! And if it's coming out of my cake-hole, then it's not going into your bloody cake-hole, you bloody asshole!

Your article was bloody well telling people how bloody well cool it was to steal movies from the bloody people who paid bloody good money to make them, who also sign your bloody paycheck! That whole article was one big "piss in Rupert's ear and tell 'im it's rainin'" fest.

Now about those Scientologists, your little crusade against Valkyrie was a bit overdone, especially since we have the MGM/UA international rights, and had to make something out of that boondoggle, but it wasn't why you were sacked. As for Kelly Preston, who cares about Kelly Preston, or John Travolta. She's not a star, and he's easily replaced by about half a dozen cheaper, and more profitable actors.

And let's not forget that the biggest ad against Scientology was bloody Tom Cruise himself. Jumping on Oprah's bloody couch, and hooting like a bloody bandicoot in heat. So what if he doesn't do our Cameron Diaz movie? In fact, I can't really think of a reason for us to do a bloody Cameron Diaz movie in the first place!

I bloody well wrestle crocodiles for fun, I don't get pushed around, I do the bloody pushing!!

I'd like to end by saying that you're full of shit, I'll bury you and your lawyers for fun. Now I got to go, a dingo's got my baby again!

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