Hollywood Babble On & On #363: An Open Letter To DC Comics

Dear DC Comics--

I have to be blunt, you are really, really starting to piss me off with all these announcements. First you announce a movie version of Deadman with Guillermo Del Toro and some Danish guy, and now you've announced that Guy Ritchie will direct a movie based on Lobo, the over the top intergalactic bounty hunter who was both a parody and personification of everything wrong about comics in the 1990s.

Why don't you get Green Lantern in the can first, then we may start believing you when it comes to all this meshugaas.

Plus, you're making me repeat myself, in case you don't recall, I wrote you a similar disgruntled letter back when you announced a Suicide Squad movie.

But, obviously, you didn't listen to me.

So now I have to repeat myself.

There is some sort of cognitive dissonance occurring somewhere in your company. Because Batman seems to be the only character who enjoys anything resembling a smooth movie career. Superman, despite the initial box-office success of the first trilogy, has a bad record of budget overruns, and weird tangents by producer and filmmakers seeking to "reinvent" the character. While the last Superman flick pulled in a few hundred million, it cost way too much to make, and let's not forget the 15 years and $65 million wasted on that film before a single frame of film was shot.

Then there's Wonder Woman, the audience could accept a sexy butt-kicking female action hero, if marketed correctly, but you can't seem to get a script off the ground, let alone a movie.

Green Lantern is supposed to be going into production soon, but still might not, because you're whining that a fluctuation in the Australian dollar could bankrupt the production.

I mean what the hell is going on here?

I know the Marvel-Disney thing has taken away a bit of the spotlight from you, but that's there problem. Your problem is making promises that you can't keep. You're like the crazy uncle who is always claiming that he's going to do something big, but never actually does anything.

Now I know Guy Ritchie survived marriage to Madonna, so he has some experience in dealing with muscle-bound, leather-clad forces of destruction, and is probably hardy enough to endure the nightmare of Warner Bros. development hell, but why put him through it.

So listen to some free advice from me.

First, only announce making comic book movies that you actually intend to make. Using nutless announcements in order for the geek community to "get your brand out" will eventually backfire on you, as they soon stop believing you, and assume that every announcement is just another jerk on their collective chain.

Second, do something about your costs. Over $65 million was pissed away on Superman Returns for nothing because of the whims of powerful people. The movie Taken, which made over $250 million internationally, was made for $25 million, and you spent 2.6 times that much on NOTHING. How many millions will be spent on Deadman, Suicide Squad, and Lobo with nothing to show for it. Probably enough to at least make a Taken sequel.

DC Comics has a lot of appealing properties, and many of them can be adapted into successful movie and television franchises. However, studio bureaucracy and inefficiency is killing the golden goose, no matter how many projects you announce.

So straighten yourself out, and start making a sane, and sensible plan for your properties.

Because I don't want to have to give you a talking to again.

--Furious D