Hollywood Babble On & On #394: Dear Jimmy

AN OPEN LETTER TO
JAMES CAMERON

Dear Jimmy...

Uh, gee, I'm not sure how I can put this diplomatically, because I was a big fan for a hell of a long time, but I just have to say... you're full of shit.

There, I said it, no one else would, but that's what I'm here for, to tell you what no one else will tell you.

You are full of shit.

Wow, it was easier to say a second time.

I'd say it again, but if I'm going to chip through your ego-powered force field, I'm going to have to do some explaining.

Let's start with this little statement...

"I made Titanic because I wanted to dive to a shipwreck, not because I particularly wanted to make the movie...Titanic was about 'f*ck you' money,"

Dude, do you even listen to the sounds burbling out of your flapping cake-hole?

Let's take a look at the facts of that statement:

1. Yes, you did get to dive a shipwreck, but you could have whipped up a hell of a lot smaller movie, instead of concocting a then record, but now mundane, $200 million mega-epic production.

2. If it was all about "fuck you" money then why did you make a period romantic melodrama with a sad ending, and a budget that made the odds of breaking even, let alone profiting to the level of making "fuck you" money extremely slim. If you think that you knew back then that hordes of tween girls in love with Leonardo DiCaprio's non-threatening sex appeal would buy $1.8 billion in tickets, then the shit's going to start leaking from your ears Jimmy.

3. If it was all about "fuck you" money then why did you sign away your fee and your profit participation to help cover the film's exponentially inflating budget. So if you were so prescient to predict the film's record breaking success, then why sign all that away? Were you honestly counting on the studio bosses to have a sense of shame, and using that to spur them into showering you with money?

That type of determination shows that Titanic was more of a labour of love than a simple cash grabe, so please Jimmy, don't piss in people's ears and tell them it's raining. You're only succeeding in making yourself look like an ass.

Now Jimmy, I'm not doing all this to be an asshole internet troll. This is tough love, because I thought you had some real talent, but it's looking more and more to me like those Oscars must have landed on your head and knocked out all your common sense. Your next film Avatar, is reportedly heading into theaters with $500 million in expenses hanging over it before it's released. If you're expecting the same sort of phenomenon that made Titanic so titanic, then you can't see beyond your own bullshit.

Damn it Jimmy, listen to someone who isn't trying to kiss your ass for a change before it completely destroys you.

Sincerely --

Furious D