Wednesday, 19 May 2010

Hollywood Babble On & On #514: Take The Money & Run

Welcome to the show folks...

Today we have two stories of times when people are either thinking of their financial future, or failing to think of their financial future.


There are rare moments when I have to publicly disagree with Nikki Finke. She recently wrote a piece about the supporting players in the Twilight Saga getting a $4+ million payday for the final movie(s) Eclipse. She literally called them brats for asking for the money and ruminated on how easily they could be replaced.

Now I beg to differ.

It's not bratty to show some concern about your future.

One the most dangerous positions to be in is to be at the mercy of angst addled tweens and teens, especially in a franchise that generates as much hysteria as the
Twilight franchise. The usual ending to such a franchise is for the careers of the stars to be completely dead in the water within 5 minutes of the final movie's conclusion. Their fans don't really care about the actors or their careers, they only care about the sense of belonging they get from conforming to that sort of hysterical fad alongside their friends and schoolmates.

No one been able to prove if any of the franchise's headlining stars can carry a non-
Twilight movie, so you have to plan for worst but hope for the best when you're one of the second bananas.

And don't talk about residuals and royalties. This is Hollywood we're talking about, not the magical land of make believe where unicorns frolic among rainbow topped fields of golden pixie-grass.

My advice, get cash, then stash cash, because no one wants to go from a #1 movie franchise to working in a convenience store.


...know when to hold them, know when to walk away, know when to shut the fuck up.

My apologies to Kenny Rogers, but I had to bastardize his sage poetry to make a point.

When you're a young actor in Hollywood you need the wisdom to know when to shut the hell up.

Case #1: Actress Megan Fox compared Michael Bay, the director of the Transformers movies, which literally made and practically carry her career to Hitler. Now that Transformers 3 is on the way, Bay has announced that Fox will be nowhere near it.


Case #2: Involves her former Transformer costar Shia Laboeuf, and his recent admission that Indy 4 kinda sucked.


Well, in the case of Megan Fox she'll have the glorious success of
Jennifer's Body to fall back on.

Oh, wait, no that's not quite right.

Of the two cases LaBoeuf is in slightly better shape. He's actually had some films sell tickets outside of the
Transformers franchise, and there's no deodorant in Hollywood that works better than cold hard cash. However, as film critic Christian Toto pointed out, he's just a couple of bombs from being in pretty hard career shape.

Also it's shrewd to note that the bulk of his starring roles have been in Dreamworks productions or co-productions, and that Dreamworks mogul Steven Spielberg, the director of the kinda sucky Indy 4, has been his biggest advocate since the beginning of young Shia's career. Spielberg's always viewed Shia as a 10% less spaz version of himself at that age, and has literally crammed him down the throat of the movie-going public.

Fox, on the other hand, is known for Transformers, posing for every red carpet photograph like she's been interrupted mid-coitus, fostering a slutty image that she then denies, and a starring role that sank faster than The Nautilus after Captain Nemo realized he left the back hatch open.

Sure, she's in the upcoming Jonah Hex, but it seems that her role is to fill out a corset, and not much else. That doesn't sell tickets, in fact, it has the opposite effect, because the people who used to pay to see a certain starlet in a corset in a movie, are now just staying home, downloading the pics off the internet and ... well, we don't have to get into any more details.

If she's going to save her fledgling career she's going to need a new image where she doesn't say stupid things to the world press about the people who sign her checks, and rack up some actual hits. Because if she doesn't... well, we don't have to get into any details.


  1. When you have Disney churning out the latest next best thing every other week. Stars these days are far more replaceable than they were 50 let alone 25 years ago.

    It has to due with the fact the a-list does not put the asses in seats like they used to.

    Lindsay Lohan's antics got the fired from her latest film, now Billy Wilder was wiling to put up with Lindsay's idol Marylin Monroe's dysfunctional breakdown during in her final years because even though she was a mess, people were still flocking to see her movies.

    Not so much with Lindsay as her latest films were theatrical bombs or direct to dvd stinkers.As for Megan Fox people went to see transformers for the robots and some 80's nostalgic escape. Not for her, I not find her even appealing she is just another bimbo spewing asstalk, in a celebrity population made up of douchebags and bimbos.

    Megan Fox just shows from some one in this industry she has NO PROFESSIONAL BEARINGS. At least the latest breed of Disney Stars such as Selena Gomez or the HSM cast show some professionalism.

  2. In the golden days of Hollywood the studio bosses saw to it that the up and comers received elocution lessons as well as learning proper posture, etc; in short these young people were put throughthe paces and polished up. These characters like Fox and others seem like unshaped raw material these days.I remember watching Helen Hunt gallumphing around in a Woody Allen flick and thinking ,she doesn't know how to walk gracefully and it looks bad. Speaking properly, modulation, no damn valley girl twang ,who helps them become what they need to become?

  3. At least Disney seems to do a good job with their young talent. Except for Lindsay Lohan, that is more of her own fault than anything.

    You don't hear about dirty things going on backstage on Wizards of Waverly Place. Jake T Austin is not backstage snorting coke and watching pornos like Adam Rich did on Eight is Enough.

    We see a total lack of professionalism with much of young hollywood these days, too much of "im all that and a bag of shit" attitude. This is a expected og the princess mentality and the "self-esteem" movement in out public school. It just gives kids a sense of unwarranted and unearned self importance.

    Megan Fox is now just a bag of shit, her one and only star vehicle BOMBED and brought Amanda Seyfried into the spotlight instead, she is probably going to become her "replacement". Just because no one knew who Amanda was, and the public has gotten tired of Fox's overexposed ass.