Welcome to the show folks...
I've had a helluva day, my back is killing me, and the news isn't exactly blowing up my kilt with excitement, so this will be just a short post.
THE OSCARS OR AS I CALL IT: PASSOVER
I bastardized that line from Bob Hope because I have been passed over yet again to produce the Academy Awards telecast. Despite the brilliance of my ideas those Philistines at the Academy went and hired two other guys instead of me, citing crazy stuff like "experience" and "talent."
Now you're probably wondering just what wonderful ideas blinded the Academy with their brilliance. Well here's a list:
I've had a helluva day, my back is killing me, and the news isn't exactly blowing up my kilt with excitement, so this will be just a short post.
THE OSCARS OR AS I CALL IT: PASSOVER
I bastardized that line from Bob Hope because I have been passed over yet again to produce the Academy Awards telecast. Despite the brilliance of my ideas those Philistines at the Academy went and hired two other guys instead of me, citing crazy stuff like "experience" and "talent."
Now you're probably wondering just what wonderful ideas blinded the Academy with their brilliance. Well here's a list:
- An opening musical number inspired by the most
controversial film of the past year: The Human Centipede. Starring a whole brand new kind of chorus line made up of senior studio executives. - Speeches that go on too long will get a fire-hose. Depending on the celebrity in question, soap could be included with the water.
- There will also be a half-time musical tribute to Hollywood's Most Insensitive Stereotypes. Presented by Paddy O'Furniture, the Drunken Irish Brawler.
- I also proposed to use computer graphics to add product placements to the montage of celebrities who passed away in the past year. They said it was tacky, but I was thinking about only high end products for the serious cha-ching.
- Joan Rivers would be banned from the red carpet.
The last idea was the only one the Academy even looked at.
Now how many people are going to take that literally?
COULD KNIGHT & DAY SINK M:I4?
Deadline Hollywood is reporting that Paramount's got a case of the uncertainties over letting Tom Cruise resume the role of Ethan Hunt in Mission: Impossible 4. The cause of these uncertainties comes from reports that his upcoming action-spy-caper-comedy Knight & Day could call it a night on its opening day.
So let's look at the facts:
1. Mission: Impossible is a mostly successful franchise. The past movies have made shit-loads of money for Cruise and Paramount. However...
2. Tom Cruise was blamed, rightly or wrongly, for M:I3 losing money despite making $300,000,000+ worldwide. The film changed directors more than the average person changes their drawers on an average day. Suffered major delays at every stage of production, and even when it sold a truckload of tickets, Cruise's immensely bloated Dollar 1 contract pretty much wiped out the entire profit margin. This is bad because...
3. The Mission: Impossible franchise seems irrevocably locked with Tom Cruise for some reason. The original series dropped it's original lead Steven Hill in the first season, and replaced him with Peter Graves, so it's shouldn't be that big a stretch of the imagination for them to do an M:I reboot with Robert Downey Jr. as the new team leader. I don't know if Paramount gave him part ownership of Mission: Impossible, so they can't do it without him, or what. If they did, it was a stupid move on their part. This leads to uncertainty because...
4. Tom Cruise's status as a box office attraction is on the bubble. His last couple of films since M:I3 weren't exactly stellar performers, and Knight & Day looks like an overpriced, over-hyped, under-delivering CGI effects fest with basically the same plot as the Heigl/Kutcher bomb Killers. That's not healthy, plus, the recent announcement that they're making a feature film from the character of an obnoxious movie producer he did as a cameo in Tropic Thunder looks like a stretch at best. But...
5. Tom Cruise is promising to behave this time. He's forgoing the sort of contract that can bloat the budget completely cripple the revenues. They also have some partners to share the costs and risks with. So if they can keep the budget under control, there's still a chance that Ethan Hunt can wow audiences one more time.
Tell us what you think in the comments. Would you green-light M:I4?
Now how many people are going to take that literally?
COULD KNIGHT & DAY SINK M:I4?
Deadline Hollywood is reporting that Paramount's got a case of the uncertainties over letting Tom Cruise resume the role of Ethan Hunt in Mission: Impossible 4. The cause of these uncertainties comes from reports that his upcoming action-spy-caper-comedy Knight & Day could call it a night on its opening day.So let's look at the facts:
1. Mission: Impossible is a mostly successful franchise. The past movies have made shit-loads of money for Cruise and Paramount. However...
2. Tom Cruise was blamed, rightly or wrongly, for M:I3 losing money despite making $300,000,000+ worldwide. The film changed directors more than the average person changes their drawers on an average day. Suffered major delays at every stage of production, and even when it sold a truckload of tickets, Cruise's immensely bloated Dollar 1 contract pretty much wiped out the entire profit margin. This is bad because...
3. The Mission: Impossible franchise seems irrevocably locked with Tom Cruise for some reason. The original series dropped it's original lead Steven Hill in the first season, and replaced him with Peter Graves, so it's shouldn't be that big a stretch of the imagination for them to do an M:I reboot with Robert Downey Jr. as the new team leader. I don't know if Paramount gave him part ownership of Mission: Impossible, so they can't do it without him, or what. If they did, it was a stupid move on their part. This leads to uncertainty because...
4. Tom Cruise's status as a box office attraction is on the bubble. His last couple of films since M:I3 weren't exactly stellar performers, and Knight & Day looks like an overpriced, over-hyped, under-delivering CGI effects fest with basically the same plot as the Heigl/Kutcher bomb Killers. That's not healthy, plus, the recent announcement that they're making a feature film from the character of an obnoxious movie producer he did as a cameo in Tropic Thunder looks like a stretch at best. But...
5. Tom Cruise is promising to behave this time. He's forgoing the sort of contract that can bloat the budget completely cripple the revenues. They also have some partners to share the costs and risks with. So if they can keep the budget under control, there's still a chance that Ethan Hunt can wow audiences one more time.
Tell us what you think in the comments. Would you green-light M:I4?
"Would you green-light M:I4?"
ReplyDeleteI'm the wrong person to ask about that, since I'm of the opinion that the M:I movies were headed in the wrong direction from the very beginning.
I think you're onto something there and that the M:I franchise missed a goldmine opportunity by pulling off what Final Destination did. Namely: replacing the actors every movie (maybe have one or two stable, behind the scene, figures).
ReplyDeleteM:I1 wasn't bad but doesn't really stick in my mind that much. M:I2 insulted me so bad I refused to watch 3.
If you ask me, the A-team was a better M:I movie than any of the actual M:I movies.
Would I green light MI4,well perhaps if the moon isin the seventh house and Jupiter is aligned with Mars and peace will guide the planets...Cruise is identified with these films and the films have done well world-wide.You could sign up Jack Black or Billy Bob Thornton for Ethan but then people would question your sanity. Cruise is fine and the Hollywood peripheral people are wrong about his bankability. Jeez who the sam hill is bankable 100% of the time anyhow!I would however add some animated toys and a large frisky dog to spice things up.
ReplyDelete