Thursday, 28 April 2011

Hollywood Babble On & On #718: Random Snark Attack!

I'm still sick folks. But that doesn't mean you have to go without my unique brand of bloggy goodness. So instead of doing the sort of in depth analysis that I usually pretend to deliver, I'm just going to be all snarky and cranky, and hopefully these fevered ramblings will make some semblance of sense.

Let the snarkasm flow as freely as my nose.... that's too much information, isn't it?

1. Armie Hammer, most known for double-teaming
The Social Network as the Winklevoss twins has been cast as The Lone Ranger, a role that did wonders for the acting career of Klinton Spilsbury. He joins Jonny Depp who has already been cast as the inaccurately named Ranger's partner Tonto.

All that's left is to find cast the love interest.

Ahem, ain't that just like homophobic Hollywood. They already have Tonto. Sheesh, don't you think a smart fellow like Tonto would hang around with a masked cracker who is always getting him into dangerous situations if they did not partake of the love that dares not speak its name?

Leave it to Hollywood to ruin a perfectly good relationship.

I wonder if the plot is going to be about the Ranger and Tonto finding an old Confederate officer trying to restart the Civil War. Because that would be so original and not seen before at all, except in the last
Lone Ranger movie, the Wild Wild West movie, and the Jonah Hex movie, and we all remember what blazing box office successes they all were.

2. Teen haircut Justin Bieber is set to make a movie with Mark Wahlberg, the involvement of the Funky Bunch has yet to be determined.

Anyway, the film is to be about urban street level basketball players, because nobody embodies the concept of "street" more than Justin Bieber.

3. Venerable comic book hero Superman, tired of his every action being interpreted as acts of US foreign policy, is set to renounce his American citizenship in Action Comics #900. At least that's the official story. The real reason is that he got sick and tired of Donald Trump's demands to see his Kryptonian birth certificate.

Anyway, it's a moot point, since he is technically an illegal alien.

4. Producer Chuck Lorre has reportedly come up with a way to save hit sitcom Two & A Half Men without Charlie Sheen. In an exclusive scoop I have the details of the show's new format: Since the kid's getting too old to be the "Half Man" and Charlie Sheen is off his nut, the new show will start after the funeral of Sheen's character. At the reading of the character's will, Jon Cryer's character and his son learn that they now have to share the house with the Sheen character's last "true love," a mid-op transsexual named "Lola" played by Ron Perlman.

Let the hilarity ensue!

1 comment:

  1. Dirty McDingus Sezs:
    It's getting old with all these sites keep on writing that superduperman is an illegal immigrant~ This kinda disses the people who brought up the tyke! You think they brought him up in the back-shed and Never bringing him out when company comes? I wouldn't know how they did it, but the Clarks probably ADOPTED that thing and LEGALLY tied him to America as a child~~ now this BS done by the libertards of dc taking a DUMP on the man of tin foil now is just the C.Sheen way of rebelling without a clue~~~~
    It's because of the awesomely flawed 'the Dark Knight' cash, that they can go further into the moron realm of social justice!
    Stupid~ Forgettable~ Forgotten.