Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Hollywood Babble On & On #794: Dear George


Dear George--

I hope this little missive finds you well, you're certain doing well financially, and I'm sort of glad to hear that your epic Star Wars Saga is coming out on high definition Blu Ray DVD.

I said "sort of glad" because while I am a huge fan of the original trilogy, I probably won't be buying this set to replace the 16 year old VHS copies I have.


Because you keep pissing on your original fans, like me.

Now I'm not going to complain about the constant fiddling, fidgeting and plain old buggering you do to the original trilogy at every freaking opportunity.

You own it, you have the right to do whatever you goddamn want with your private property. Though I do fear that it's only a matter of time before you digitally replace Emperor Palpatine with Jar-Jar-Binks' evil twin Brother Fart-Fart (voice by Jim Carrey) because of a dream you had after eating an extra spicy fajita.

What bugs me is the pissing on the childhood memories of the original fans, like me, who, through buying tickets, action figures, and other associated merchandise, made you the media powerhouse you are today. We just want a nice copy of the original, unaltered, un-doctored, and un-sodomized version of the original trilogy. We want to show the kids these days the images that electrified us when we were kids.

But you won't let us, simply because you fucking well don't feel like it.

And don't give me that: "I put out an unaltered version as an extra feature on a DVD release a couple of years back."

That's bullshit and you know it.

Let's remember that this "release" was of a non-anamorphic transfer scraped off the 1993 LaserDisc release and wasn't anywhere near the picture/sound quality of the remastered and rejiggered versions you can't stop playing with, especially if you try to watch it on a rectangular hi-def TV.

That basically tells fans like me, the people whose allowance money went on to build your own ego-empire, that you don't really give a shit about them, or their memories.

That's what gets fans pissed off at you.

That and Jar-Jar Binks. Man, he was so-fucking-annoying, were you high when you created him?

Anyway, back to my point.

Your constant fiddling no longer looks like a unending quest for perfection, but a never-ending desire to feed both your ego and your bank account, and to hell with the fans who once looked up at your big screen achievements in awe. It wasn't enough for you to bombard them with overwrought CGI and under-wrought writing and acting in the prequel trilogy, you had to deny them what they really want.

That's why I refuse to give you another dime of my money. You've done more than piss me off, you disappointed me. You started off as a rebel, striking a blow for independence and imagination in the face of a greedy unimaginative corporate studio system. Your vision excited a generation and you were rewarded for it.

Now you are the greedy unimaginative corporate studio system.

You're basically doing remakes, that bane of the imagination you once held so dear, without having to deal with the hassle of rewriting your scripts or working with living actors. You also seem to be hoping that if you deny the audience the originals they crave, you will somehow catch lightning in a bottle again, and the audience will love and respect you once more.

You'll make a shit-load of money, a lot of fans will still buy your shit and call it ice cream, but the days when you could amaze an entire generation are long over.

You should know that, at least show a little respect for your own legacy and your fans.


Furious D


  1. Jeeze he even added a voice-over "Noooo" for when Vader chucks Palpatine down the air shaft. As one of your links points out, this is way worse, because when Vader silent springs into action, it's not clear at all whose side he is on, and it's a surprise and a relief when he turns on the emperor. I guess Lucas can't let even LITTLE cool things last. But why would he have even bothered to change something like that? Was it broken? It seems like the kind of thing some homeless guy in a tinfoil hat would obsess over after the fact. "Man I wish I'd had Vader shout something when he kills Palpatine. And then do a fist pump." Is this what Lucas is reduced to?

    I submit my previous theory that there never was a George Lucas - only a composite gestalt of good scriptwriters, cinematographers, editors, and actors. When they went away, so did he. We now have only a shell of the real George Lucas.

  2. This is why I really just do not give a crap about Star Wars like I once did.

    It also shows that really Lucas really has nothing else to stand on career wise.

    I wan a remastered version of the Star Wars Holiday Special, with the original commercials.

  3. @Sandy Peterson

    There's a bit of a saying among star wars fans:

    Everyone does Star Wars better than George Lucas.

    Even me! (also D, I hope you'll enjoy my treatment up there - free therapy for us traumatized fans)

  4. Some of the SE changes I liked, like cleaning up the SFX, but Lucas went too far with the expanded Mos Eisley, the Dewbacks and shit. The original gave you an impression that ME was some small dump town populated mostly by transients not some bustling city.

    Then he replaced the old Anakin with Hayden...Do not get me started about the Prequels.

    I am afraid that Lucas will later release a special edition blu-ray with all the original cast CGI replaced with HW's hottest stars.

    Justin Beiber as Luke Skywalker

    Zac Efron as Han Solo

    Selena Gomez as Princess Leia

    Do I need to GO ON.....

    Remember Lucas also thought Howard the Duck was a good idea.

  5. I look forward to the casting of Taylor Lautner as Princess Amidala.

  6. I am far a total REMAKE of the prequel trilogy. I think the 501st Imperial Legion needs to march down to Skywalker ranch and force Lucas to stop this shit NOW!

    MAKE A BATTLEFRONT 3 as well.