Monday, 31 December 2012

Hollywood Babble On & On #977: 13 Predictions For 2013!

Most people do "year-in-review" posts at this time of year.

I am not most people.

I choose not to look back, instead I will use my awesome psychic powers to look ahead, so I can tell you what's going to happen in pop culture and the business behind it in the year 2013. 

So fasten your seat belts, it's going to be a bumpy ride INTO THE FUTURE!!!

1. 2012 saw an up-tick in box office sales thanks to successful films ranging from mega blockbusters like The Avengers and The Dark Knight Rises to smaller-budget fare like the geriatric British comedy The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.

In 2013 the studios will try to create a best of both worlds scenario by making a big budget movie about retired superheroes.

2. Singer Taylor Swift will start writing songs about men she hasn't met yet, but she's pretty sure they'd be jerks if they dated.

3. It will be announced in 2013 that The Hobbit saga will be expanded from a trilogy to seventeen movies, concluding in 2025 with The Hobbit: Peter Jackson's Got Nothing Else Left

4. The Sundance Film Festival will be officially re-named the Sundance Celebrity Ski-Wear Photo-Op Festival. There will be no time to actually screen independent movies.

5. In 2013, Lena Dunham will get shit-loads of money and attention far beyond her actual relevance to anyone outside of the media.

6. Singer Adele will start introducing her boyfriend to slutty, attractive women in hopes it could lead to another smash hit album.

7. Merger mania will sweep the publishing industry until the only company left will be Random-Penguin-Simon-Schuster-MacMillan-Harper-Collins-Hachette-House. This new mega company will be dedicated to releasing diet books and paying large advances to reality show celebrities for books that never earn their money back.

8. A celebrity will commit a crime, but will more or less get away with it.

9. James Cameron will spend two billion dollars to make the sequel to Avatar using a new "Smell-O-Vision" process only to learn after the film's release that setting it at an alien fish processing plant was a big mistake.

10. Director Ridley Scott will announce over 285 movies on his personal development slate.

11. The Weinstein Company will continue to be a black hole for films that won't win Harvey Weinstein an Oscar.

12. Seth McFarlane's hosting of the Oscars will be marked by numerous "This reminds me of the time..." segues which then cut to some sort of sight gag.

13. Young stars will continue to make the same mistakes that every young star who went before them made, and no one will learn anything.

Those are my predictions, what are yours?

1 comment:

  1. Was Peter Jackson ever capable of making a simple straight adaption of The Hobbit after The Lord of the Rings trilogy?