Friday, 15 April 2011

A Lot More Studio Notes for Literary Classics

If you're one of my regular reader then you know that I like to goof off on Twitter by making up bogus "Studio Notes For Literary Classics" and posting these neural drippings here each Friday.

The rules for creating them are simple, pick a prominent, and acclaimed novel, short story, poem, or play, then offer advice on "improving" it that completely misses the point of the source material.

In keeping with my Friday tradition, let's have some more....

To. D. Trumbo. Re. Jonny Got His Gun. Book will work better if lead character gets rebuilt as an ass kicking cyborg.

To. JD Salinger. Re. Catcher In The Rye. Don't get the dislike of phonies. Phonies need love too.

To. Z.N. Hurston. Re. Their Eyes Were Watching God. There could be money if their eyes were watching CSI: Miami.

To. T. Capote. Re. In Cold Blood. The grim story could hamper getting a toy line off the ground.

To. G.B. Shaw. Re. Man & Superman. No Superman, no Lex Luthor, no Lois Lane. I felt gypped.

To. E. Rostand. Re. Cyrano De Bergerac. No one will like a lead with a big nose. Can't he have a bad haircut instead?

To. D. Mamet. Re. Lakeboat. Would work a lot better if rewritten into a reboot of "Love Boat."

To. R. Bolt. Re. A Man For A Seasons. If you re-title this "A Man For Four Seasons" we can get a hotel promo deal.

To. C. Dickens. Re. Martin Chuzzlewit. Don't care for title character's name. What do you think about Steve Chuzzlewit?

To. J. Swift. Re. Gulliver's Travels. Lilliput isn't sexy enough. Think Rio during Carnivale!

To. H. Lee. Re. To Kill A Mockingbird. Needs new ending. How about Scout & Boo engineer a jailbreak with a shootout?

To. N. Mailer. Re. The Naked & The Dead. Needs a lot more naked and a lot less dead if we're going to sell this.

To. M. Mitchell. Re. Gone With The Wind. Civil War is passé. Drop the war, the slavery, & make it about models.

To. E. Ionesco. Re. Rhinoceros. Can't the people transform into bunnies or kittens? They're way cuter.

To. A. Miller. Re. Death of a Salesman. Just a couple of quibbles, needs some laughs & the title's a bit of a spoiler

To. B. Brecht. Re. 3 Penny Opera. Can "Mack the Knife" have that name because he's a chef? Foodies have deep pockets.

To. S. Beckett. Re. Krapp's Last Tape. Think about rewriting this as a musical vehicle for Justin Bieber.

To. E. Gibbon. Re. Roman Empire book. Read the book & found nothing about Ray Romano, just a lot of dead foreigners.

To. C. Bronte. Re. Jane Eyre. "Jane" is such a bland name. Try calling her "Derry" it sounds much hipper.

To. R. Heinlein. Re. The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress. Was expecting infidelity & a dominatrix, but it's all space stuff.

To. A. Nin. Re. Delta of Venus. Um, it took me minute to realize that this isn't sci-fi. Might affect sale to Disney.

To. F. Hayek. Re. The Road To Serfdom. This book's about economics, not surfing. I was very disappointed.

To. WS Burroughs. Re. Naked Lunch. Love the book, but the drug stuff will ruin the deal for a Saturday morning cartoon.

To. HG Wells. Re. Dr. Moreau story. Instead of human animal hybrids can't it just turn out to be a furry convention?

To. R. Bradbury. Re. New book. If something "cuddly" this way comes we'll have a lot more merchandising deals.

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